


Still High With A Little Feeling

by Airr_catcherr



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Asshole Josh, Blood, Choking, Death, Dom Josh, Drugs, Falling In Love, Fighting, Fluff and Smut, Gangs, It won’t be mafia AU the entire story, Lmao where do I start, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Injuries, Multi, Multiple Orgasms, Needles, Not sure if there's a lot of drama, Other, Plot twists that will fuck you up, Serious Injuries, Smut, Sub Tyler, Surgeons, Surgery, Things change all the time, Violence, Warnings May Change, a lot of plot twists. I mean a lot, but probs some drama, guns idk?, illegal stuff lmao, lil bit sad, lol have fun, mafia, medical field, powerbottom Tyler, procedures, syringes, things will change dramatically, violent characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 09:18:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12105561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airr_catcherr/pseuds/Airr_catcherr
Summary: Josh offers Tyler to be his pet in the mafia, not knowing it’ll lead to something different.





	1. Pet

**Author's Note:**

> An idea I had for months. My man and friend pulled it out of me lol shoutout to them

“You just can't stay away from me, now can you, Joseph?”

Tyler glared at the man sitting in front of him. He knew that Josh was right, he always was. Tyler also knew that he was making a mistake. A big one.

But you only live once, right?

Josh spun around in his chair, grinning at Tyler. “How can I help you? Are you here to join or sign a deal for drugs?” Josh paused as he stood up and slowly walked to Tyler.

“Or are you here for _something_ else?”

Tyler swallowed nervously and leaned back in his chair as Josh stood in front of him. “I’m here to, ya know-well no, you don’t really know, but I’m here to take you up on your offer,” Tyler said, looking down and nervously fiddling with his fingers.

Josh stared at him for a few seconds before letting out a deep sigh. He knew what Tyler wanted, and it was something big.

“Why are you nervous?” Josh started, moving to sit closer to Tyler. “I thought I made it clear that if you’re gonna be agreeing to this then I want it to be your own decision and that you’ve let go of the past. I also don’t want you agreeing to this because you’re afraid.”

Josh eyed Tyler with a frown as he tensed up. “You’re not afraid, now are you, Joseph?”

“It’s Tyler, quit calling me Joseph.” Tyler muttered, shaking his head. He wasn’t sure why he was here doing this, but he was certain of one thing, he was not afraid. “I’m not scared, I just don’t have anything better to do with my life since you’ve decided to end it by killing my pa-”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about!” Josh shouted, interrupting Tyler. He moved away from him and turned around to fix him with a look. “You know exactly why I did what I did. Quit bringing it up, you'll only hurt yourself more and piss me off. And trust me, the last thing you wanna do is piss me off.”

Tyler ran a hand through his hair and nodded. “Yeah. I certainly don't wanna bug you, can't end up dead like my parents,” he chuckled, erasing the bitter memories from his head.

Josh's eyes narrowed at Tyler and he moved to grab him by the collar. Tyler yelped in surprise and it was too late to do anything. He knew it'd be bad to do anything anyway.

“Watch the way you talk to me before I move on to something else that'll make your life a living hell again.” Josh threatened, moving his hand to wrap around Tyler's neck.

“Fuck you,” Tyler muttered, cursing under his breath as Josh's fingers tightened around his throat.

“You're agreeing to this, this is your last chance. I won't let you leave after this.” Josh stated, enjoying the way Tyler was struggling to keep his eyes open.

Tyler nodded weakly and grabbed Josh's arm that was cutting off his air supply. “I want this,” he confirmed, tugging on the man's hand. “L-let go.”

Josh chuckled and stepped back, watching as Tyler gasped and took in large amounts of air.

“We definitely need to work on your defense skills. Can't have you dying the first day.”

Tyler looked up at him with a glare, rubbing his neck where Josh's fingers were. “M’defense is fine. How do you think I managed to get to your office? You think the fuckers out there didn't want my blood on the floor? I'm also not stupid enough to try to go against you. I knew you wouldn't hurt me too bad anyway. So fighting would've been useless. To you anyway.”

Josh's eyebrow cocked. “No, Tyler. If I wanted to kil-”

“No,” Tyler interrupted, leaning back up and stepping close to Josh's face. “ _You_ want something from me, too.”

Josh laughed at that, rolling his eyes an instant later. “You're wrong-”

“You can find anyone to be your little pet. But you can't find someone who challenges you like me.” Tyler was grinning at Josh, loving the way Josh took a step back and how his face was contorted in anger. “You think that if you make it official to having power over me, then you can stop worrying about your people wanting a new, possibly a better leader.” Tyler paused to chuckle at Josh's barely audible growl. He decided to continue. He had a point to prove.

“If you kill me, people would know you felt threatened by me, but if you keep me, people would know you're not afraid and you already have me wrapped around your finger, under your control.”

Josh nodded. _Smart_.

There wasn't a way Josh could deny this. Tyler read him like an open children's book. Josh relaxed his muscles and moved to sit at his desk. “Well, you know what I want. What do _you_ want? If you knew all this stuff, why are you still here? If you knew how dangerous this is, then why?”

Tyler smiled. Not a fake one, not a teasing smile, but a genuine one. Josh was surprised at how pretty he looked smiling.

“I don't have anything better to do. And I mean, I do get your protection and affection, and honestly, this is all I need.” Tyler moved to sit at the chairs and kept the pretty smile on his lips.

Josh huffed a laugh, rolling his eyes. “Baby boy, you realize that we can't be soft, right?”

“Yeah, but that's for business. During our free time we could do whatever. And I want physical comfort. Actually, scratch that. I want comfort. Emotional and physical.”

Josh nodded and stared at Tyler for two minutes before sighing. “Protection and comfort is all it takes for your loyalty?”

Tyler nodded enthusiastically.

“I can do that. Anything else?” Josh asked, tapping his pen against the desk.

Tyler sat up, the teasing smile back on his lips. “Sex.”

Josh looked up at Tyler to see if he was serious. He was. “That's fine, too-”

“You can't fuck anyone else. You'll belong to me just as I belong to you. If I see you with someone else, they'll be getting a bullet through their head while you will have a bullet through your dick.”

Josh's eyebrows shot up at the demand. He didn't think it'd be hard, but he was still surprised. Tyler has a gorgeous body and Josh knew that he'll keep things interesting. Besides, he was growing tired of the people that he already slept with.

“Now is that all?”

“Yes.”

Josh nodded softly pulling out a paper and handing it with a pen to Tyler. “This is like a tattoo. It'll be permanent. This is your last chance to back out. After that it's either me or death.”

Tyler rolled his eyes, quickly skimming over the text. “Yes, Josh. I know how a contract works.”

Josh stayed silent for a few seconds before grabbing Tyler's wrist as he went to sign. “I'll completely have you. You'll basically be like property to me. I'll choose what to do with you. I'll give you commands. Is this what you really want? Because later you can't come crying and begging to leave. It won't happen. It won-”

“Josh! I get it, okay? The name ‘pet’ is self explanatory. I know what I'm getting into. So shut the fuck up. I know what I'm doing, you're doing this just to show yourself as caring, in reality, you can't fuckin’ wait to hang this up on every wall. Because, wow, you're finally owning another Joseph.”

Josh once again, was stunned. Tyler read him like a poem that he had wrote. “You took philosophy and psychology before, ain't that right?”

Tyler nodded with a small shrug. “Yeah, it's cool stuff.”

Josh hummed in knowledge. He knew Tyler couldn't simply read people like that without information on how body language works or how expressions are.

Josh watched slowly as Tyler signed his name and dropped the pen carelessly down on Josh's desk.

“It's done. I'm signed in. Start introducing me to your people so they stop trying to slit my back open and slowly break every part of my spine.” Tyler said, leaning back and giving Josh an expectant look.

Josh chuckled, shaking his head. “Of course, but one thing first.”

Tyler nodded immediately, knowing obedience is key. “Yeah, sir, what is it?”

Josh gave a hum of approval at Tyler's form of respect. He was happy that Tyler knew his place and addressed him properly. Josh hated being addressed incorrectly.

“Get on your knees. Hands behind your back. I want your jaw slack.”

Tyler cocked his head in confusion. He really did expect something important. A task or something. Not this. Still, Tyler wanted to impress.

He moved out of the chair and sank to his knees, putting his hands behind his back and holding his wrist in place.

Josh smiled proudly at the man and moved in front of him. “You're a good boy, aren't you?” Tyler nodded immediately, mumbling a quiet ‘yes sir.’

The older man smiled once more before unbuckling his belt and pulling down his pants. Tyler stayed in place, knowing better to not be ‘greedy’ as Josh would call. He waited until Josh pulled himself out and held himself in front of Tyler's lips.

Tyler looked at the cock in front of him, holding back a moan. Josh had a nice, thick dick. He almost already started drooling.

Josh grinned at Tyler eyeing him hungrily. “Go ahead, babe. First, let me know your safe word, though. That's important. To me at least it is.”

Tyler had never respected Josh more than he had in that moment. He knew the man at least had some sort of caring in his heart.

“Ohio. And I hold up two fingers if I can't talk.”

Josh nodded, smiling back when Tyler gave him a small smile.

“What's your safeword?”

Josh stood still at Tyler's question, looking down at him blankly. “Wha’?”

“What do you mean ‘what’? You're just as important and sometimes you need to stop, too. It doesn't make you weak or anything.”

Josh blinked at him before shaking his head. “No, no. I know it's nothing bad, but I just didn't expect for you to ask. No one has ever. To be honest, I almost forgot it was a thing.”

Tyler frowned at Josh's answer. He knew that no one has fully taken care of Josh, but he didn't expect people to be like that.

“Well, I care. What's your safeword?”

“Apples.”

Tyler smiled again and looked back down to Josh's dick. He opened his mouth and kept his hands behind him.

Josh wasted no time in thrusting roughly into Tyler's wet mouth. Tyler gagged slightly, but held his position and lapped his tongue beneath Josh's heavy cock.

Josh groaned slightly, the sounds Tyler producing going straight down to his dick and making him more aroused by the second.

“That's it, you're doing good, sweetheart.” Josh praised after a few minutes of fucking Tyler's mouth.

Tyler's face was wet with tears and spit and it was a sight. A good one. Tyler's eyes were leaking continuously as Josh's cock slammed against the back of his throat repeatedly.

“Stop.”

And Tyler did. He pushed himself off of Josh's dick and sat back on his heels. He panted heavily and looked up at Josh with wet eyes.

Josh would never admit, but he found Tyler's obedience very good. He just didn't want to seem like he was too surprised by it so he kept quiet.

“Come ride me.” Josh said, moving to sit on his chair and spread his legs open. Tyler nodded excitedly, getting up and quickly stripping out of his pants.

He wasted no time in straddling Josh's hips and guiding Josh's member to his entrance.

Josh looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He didn't know if Tyler not prepping himself and relying on his spit as lube was a good idea. “You think you can take it?” Josh asked, teasingly running his hand up and down Tyler's thigh.

“Y-yeah.” Tyler's reply came out hoarse and quiet. Josh bit back a laugh. “Alright, whatever you wanna do, baby boy. I'm not stopping you, if you want pain, then go for it.”

Tyler moaned quietly when the tip slipped in. He ignored Josh's comment and slowly sank down on Josh, hissing quietly at the burn. He rolled his hips a few times before lifting his hips up and slamming down.

Josh groaned every time Tyler slammed down and his nails dug into Tyler's soft skin. “See? I can t-take it.” Tyler managed out between pants, pouting slightly when Josh chuckled.

“Yeah, Tyler, but look at you. Panting and drooling on top of me. You're such a sight. I wish you could see how fucked out you already are.”

Tyler's eyes slipped closed and he produced a small whine at Josh's words.

Tyler moved his angle around, desperately wanting Josh's cock to press against his prostate. Josh noticed and he grabbed Tyler's hips, angling his hips for him and grunting loudly when Tyler moaned an octave higher.

“Yes, yes. _Fuck_.” Tyler hissed, stopping to grind down on Josh.

Tyler continued riding Josh, the older man occasionally thrusting up to meet Tyler.

“I need to come. Jo-Josh.” Tyler whimpered after a good thirty minutes. “Please.”

Josh smirked in response, moving his hand to Tyler's chest to gently pinch his nipple. “You think you deserve it?” He pressed, watching Tyler's face closely.

Tyler whined in response, nodding his head frantically. “Yeah, I'm a good boy, I was good. I still am.”

Josh laughed at Tyler's cute attempt to respond properly. He gave it to him, though. He was indeed good.

“You can come. You have been good.”

Tyler moaned softly, thanking Josh over and over again as he reached his climax.

Tyler came in long spurts of white and he rode his high out before slumping against Josh's chest. He made a slight pained noise from over sensitivity as Josh kept thrusting into him.

It was only a few more thrusts before Josh was coming inside Tyler with a shuddered sigh.

Tyler tilted his head up a few seconds later and pressed a sweet kiss to Josh's jaw. “Thank you.”

Josh smiled in response and gently cradled his fingers through Tyler's hair. “Let me clean you up. Then I can introduce you to people around. We don't really have any bad business right now so you can relax until something pops up and I need you.”

Tyler nodded, pushing himself off of Josh and blushing slightly when he saw the mess on Josh's chest.

~

They stepped out of Josh's office, immediately being greeted by a buff looking man, glaring at Tyler. “He didn't bother you, right sir?”

Tyler rolled his eyes so hard they almost fell out of his skull. The man, Hunter, shoved Tyler's shoulder and shot him another glare. “Roll your eyes, maybe you'll find your brain in the back of your head.”

Josh's eyebrows shot up in surprise and he held back a laugh at Hunter’s actions. He didn't think it was that serious until he saw Tyler's fist collide with Hunter’s jaw.

“Keep talking shit and you'll have your brain blown out on the wall.” Tyler replied, watching with narrowed eyes as Hunter cradled his jaw.

Hunter stepped forward only to be stopped by Josh walking in the middle. “I'll have you in the same room for a week if you don't stop this high school shit. Tyler, no need to lash out easily.”

Hunter went to agree, but he was interrupted by Josh. “Hunter, mind your business. I have new people comin’ in all the time, that doesn't mean you have to show them how tough you are, because quite frankly, no one gives a fuck if you can throw punches. Everyone in this bitch can.”

The blonde man nodded with a small sigh, moving to walk past Tyler, turning around to mumble a quiet sorry.

“Quit fuckin’ giggling!” Josh snapped, eyes narrowing at Tyler.

“I'm sorry.” Tyler quickly said, biting his lip to not giggle again.

“It ain't funny and I don't like how you punched hi-”

“I don't like when people trash me, so yes, I had to punch him.”

Josh's jaw locked in place and he stared at Tyler with an irritated expression. “You were doing good. You were being respectful. I don't like your attitude right now. Snap out of it or I'll punch you as hard as you just punched Hunter.”

Tyler pouted before nodding in defeat. He didn't want Josh to be unhappy with him. It wouldn't look good anyway. “Okay. Sorry, sir.”

Josh hummed and started walking down the hall, tugging Tyler along with him. “Don't slip like that. Don't forget that no one here has power but me. That includes you.”

Tyler nodded again, walking fast to match Josh's pace as he led him through the buildings and following mansion.

~

“Wait, so, you've known Josh since he was a kid? Like when he was coloring with crayons?”

Jenna laughed, gently shoving Tyler's arm. “Yes, Ty, since he had his one blue crayon that he adored.”

Tyler loved Jenna. Josh had introduced them an hour ago and they clicked on so fast. Jenna wasn't even mad that Tyler is technically replacing her. She was happy to get a fun and happy person like Tyler in this place.

“Blue crayon? No, my crayon was the red one. No one dared to touch it.”

Jenna nodded, humming softly in agreement. “Mine was the pink one. Josh always picked on the color, saying it's too girly. But it's ironic, because in middle school, two years later, he loved the color. He liked soft pink on anything.”

Tyler laughed quietly, moving to lay his head in Jenna's lap. “Few years later, he's leading a big ass mafia.”

Jenna shrugged resting her hands in Tyler's hair. “Can't really talk about him. We're just as bad.”

“True.”

“So I heard y'all fucked.”

Tyler's eyebrows flew up. “ _What_?”

Jenna looked down at Tyler with confusion. “What's ‘what’? Everyone knows everything here.”

“So no privacy?”

Jenna rolled her eyes, lightly smacking Tyler's head. “You're so fucking gulliable. Obviously we have privacy, I was just fucking with you.”

Tyler was confused. He didn't understand Jenna's sarcasm sometimes. “Then how….?”

“Joshua.”

“What about him?”

“Oh my fucking god!” Jenna exclaimed, shoving Tyler out of her lap.

Tyler fell on the floor with a thud. He sat up and glared at her. “What the fuck is your deal? First you wanna be fucking confusing, now you wanna shove me like that?”

Jenna gently shoved him again and giggled.

“You're so oblivious. Joshua, as in he told me.”

Then it hit Tyler. “ _Oooh_ ,” Tyler laughed at his obliviousness. “I get it now.”

“Took you damn long enough. I guess he really fucked your brains out, since you can't think straight.”

“I will fight you-”

“Who are we tryna fight?” Interrupted a new voice.

“Bitch, who are you?” Tyler replied instantly, not liking being interrupted.

“Jesus, I just wanted to join the conversation. I'm Collin. You're Tyler, right?” Collin smiled, pulling out a cigarette and offering it to the two.

Jenna declined, while Tyler placed the cigar between his lips with a small thank you.

“Yeah, I'm Tyler. How do you know ‘bout me?”

Collin gave him a grin and flicked the lighter for Tyler.

He leaned down and lit the cigarette before cocking an eyebrow, silently wanting him to continue.

“Boss won't shut up. He's really happy.”

“Yeah?”

Jenna nodded, moving to pat the couch. Collin sat down, Tyler following after. “Mhm, Josh loves his new thing.”

Tyler glared at Jenna at her choice of words. He loved her, actually, he loved everyone so far, but he didn't like being trashed. Or disrespected.

“Jen, I'm not a thing. Okay?”

“Of course you're not. You're a trophy.” Jenna grinned at him, teasingly nudging his shoulder.

“I'm gonna burn you with this cigarette.” Tyler mumbled, leaning his head back and blowing out the smoke.

That got a laugh out of Collin. “You're funny, ya know?”

Tyler cracked a smile, leaning forward to look at him. “Hang out with me and you'll see how hilarious I am.”

Collin chuckled along with Jenna.

“That wasn't sarcastic, I actually am hilarious-”

“Tyler, come here.”

All three heads shot up and turned to face Josh who was standing in the door.

Collin nodded at Tyler, shrugging while Jenna shot him a warning look.

Josh didn't look happy.

“Get your ass here, I'm not gonna wait!”

Tyler scrambled off the couch, rushing to stand in front of him.

“Y-yes sir?”

“You killed my brother. And you hid that from me?”

Tyler froze the same time Jenna gasped and Collin choked on the smoke.

Josh wasn't having that. “I asked you a fucking question, Tyler.”

Tyler took a deep breath. “ _Well_.”


	2. Delirious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi

“Well?” Josh snapped, not having it in him to wait.

He didn't expect to find out someone from his team killed his own brother.

Tyler shrugged, moving to walk past Josh, he turned around to look at him. “Let's go talk in your office.”

Josh sighed in annoyance but nodded nonetheless.

They reached Josh's office and he slammed the door shut behind him. “ _Well_?” Josh repeated, eyes trained on the brunette.

“Yeah, I did kill him.” Tyler answered confidently, his face empty of expression. “I knew deep down in that little heart of yours you care about family and what better way to hurt you than to kill the last person of your family?”

Josh was stunned. He never expected this from Tyler. In fact, he didn't expect this from anyone, let alone his signed assistant and partner. “You _what_?”

He really wished Tyler hadn't studied human nature and expression because now, it felt as Tyler was stripping Josh of his every secret.

Tyler grinned. “I,” he started, moving closer to Josh. “Killed the last of your family.”

Josh took a step back. “Why, Tyler? Why would you do that? Why would you kill my brother, then come to me as if you really needed me, why play me like this?”

Tyler scoffed, wanting to roll his eyes so hard that they fall out of his ass. “Why are _you_ hurt? Ain't that the same thing that you did to me?”

Josh's mouth snapped shut.

Tyler laughed bitterly. _That's what I thought._

“Don't play the victim here. You're just as bad, if not worse. You killed my parents then came to me, acting as if you cared. Acted as if you were a human with emotions, only to have been the worst thing to ever exist. I fucking hate you, Joshua Dun.”

Josh pointed to the door and stepped out of Tyler's way. “Get the fuck out.”

Tyler shook his head, gesturing to Josh's desk where the contract laid. “Can't leave, my name is inked neatly and perfectly into that paper.”

“I will rip that paper the same way I'm about to rip your limbs off. Get the hell out of my sight! I don't want you here. You made me believe you needed me when you are here just to hurt me! You knew what you're doing, yet you decide-”

“As if you're any better!”

Josh grabbed Tyler's head and slammed it as hard as he can into the door. He didn't even wince when he heard the crack of his nose.

~

“What happened again?” Jenna asked, resisting the urge to burst out in laughter.

“He hurt me.”

Jenna laughed loudly, clutching her stomach in her hand. “You?” She asked, wiping her eyes from tears. “The Joshua Dun is hurt? By a Joseph? _Wow_.”

Josh sighed loudly and punched her shoulder. “Jenna, leave if you're gonna keep pushing me.”

The blonde girl sat up straight and shook her head. “No, okay. Let's get serious.” She knew family was a sensitive point to Josh, but she didn't know he would actually be hurt by the subject. Jenna had always thought he'd only be mad, not hurt.

“You should've seen the way he was talking to me. He stripped me, piece by piece. I couldn't do anything, he wouldn't listen. I asked him to leave and he kept it going, I had to do something, Jenna.”

“And slamming his head is the best option?”

“I told you I was in a tight situation!”

Jenna pinched her nose, nodding quickly. She glanced at Tyler in the bed, his eyes still closed.

Josh followed her gaze and looked at Tyler. _He looks peaceful and young_. Josh thought, tilting his head to get a better look. _Does everyone look like that when they're asleep?_

“What are you gonna do about him? Obviously you can't have this relationship with him.” Jenna asked, finally breaking the silence.

Josh shrugged, a small puff of air escaping his lips. “I'll ask him to start over. He should say yes considering we're equal. I'll also apologize.”

Jenna's brows furrowed in confusion. “You're gonna apologize for killing his parents?”

“No, I'm gonna apologize for it being this way.”

~

Tyler's eyes fluttered open and he immediately whined in the back of his throat.

“You're awake.”

Tyler's head snapped to the voice, relaxing when he realized it was Collin.

“Uh, yeah, I am. I guess, I dunno. My head hurts.”

Collin shot him an apologetic smile, leaning over to hand him two pills and a glass of water.

Tyler cocked an eyebrow.

“Pain medication. I'm not trying to drug you. If that was the case, I would've done that when you're asleep.”

Tyler laughed hoarsely, popping the pills in his mouth before downing the glass of water. “Thanks for the idea, man.”

Collin chuckled, moving out of the chair to sit next to Tyler on the bed. “Sooo, Josh won't say what happened and Jenna won't tell me either. She said it's Josh's call to tell me if he wanted to.” Collin paused to gently pat Tyler's head. “What did happen?”

Tyler chuckled. “Jenna's a keeper.”

Collin agreed, mentioning that he didn't push it out of Jenna because he knew she would say no.

“Argument, I guess. I touched him where he's weak. Kinda deserved it, though, I was pushy. In a manner.”

Collin nodded, knowing it probably had to do with his brother. “Well, boss is really down. I don't suggest seeing him.”

“Who said I wanna see him?”

Collin shrugged, twirling his fingers in Tyler's curls. “I was just saying. You can't leave bed anyway, Jenna's orders.”

Tyler groaned and rolled to his side. “How long?”

“Three days.”

Tyler nodded weakly, his head throbbing harshly. He closed his eyes and decided to sleep his emotions off.

Tyler spent the following days with Collin and other people from the crew. Tyler learned that everyone in this mafia was close to Josh.

He expected it. Kind of. He knew that Josh needed family so it wasn't a surprise that Josh built this mafia with close people.

“Huh?” Tyler snapped out of his trance when he heard his name.

“I asked if you're hungry.” Brendon replied, moving to rest a hand on Tyler's shoulder.

“Uh, no, I'm good.” Tyler answered quietly, not bothering to look at his friend.

He didn't understand how nice people were around here, but he didn't complain. He was just as nice and he had asked Brendon to why everyone here was helping everyone out.

Brendon explained that they're all one here. They have their moments of messing around, but they were like a family as Josh would say.

Collin looked up from his laptop and shook his head. “Tyler, you've been saying that the past two days. You want an IV instead?”

“Yeah, actually.” Tyler shot back, sitting up and rolling his sleeve up.

Brendon bit his lip anxiously and mumbled a quiet ‘I don't think this is a good idea’ while Collin groaned softly.

Tyler heard Brendon and turned to look at his friend. “Why not?”

“Joshua has that stuff locked up.”

Tyler looked at him with confusion. “Stuff locked up…?”

Collin smacked Brendon's arm and rolled his eyes at the black haired man. He didn't know why Brendon was so secretive.

“Ty, Josh sorta has medical things and he locks them up so they don't get lost.”

Tyler nodded slowly, his features still confused. “Sooo, what does that have to do with anything?”

Brendon face palmed himself and cursed Josh for hitting Tyler's head. “Tyler, buddy, bud, my friend, my mate, pal, listen. You wanted an IV, right?”

Tyler nodded.

“And Josh keeps medical things like IVs, right?”

Tyler nodded again.

“Then it would make sense that we have to ask Josh, correct?”

“ _Ooooh_.”

Collin laughed loudly at the pair and shot Brendon a proud smile. “Do you get it now, Tyler?”

“I'm so delirious, I feel like I'm on ecstasy or somethin’.” Tyler complained, moving his hands to his temple to massage the skin. “I really feel out of it.”

Brendon sighed and moved to cup Tyler's cheek to grab his attention. “Hey, you're also lacking food and water. That plays a role, too. I promise you'll feel better. You should be good by tomorrow, you'll be even better if you're fed well.”

Tyler nodded slowly, getting up and moving to set his feet down on the floor. “Okay. Food. We want food. Let's get that. Food is good and we want good stuff. Right?”

“Right…” Brendon trailed, looking at Collin who was giggling hysterically in the back. “Collin,” Brendon hissed, rolling his eyes when the blonde started slapping his thigh. “Stop laughing, this is serious.”

Collin took a deep breath and paused for a few seconds before giggling again. “Okay, okay. Let's get Tyler better. Then I can laugh all I want.”

“Wait, why is food good again?”

Brendon caught up with Tyler and wrapped an arm around his waist to help him. “Food is good because it keeps us healthy.”

“Why do I need to be healthy?”

“So you don't die.”

“But what if-”

“Look! It's Jenna! Let's go say hi.” Collin quickly interrupted, seeing the pleading look on Brendon's face.

“Who's Jenna?” Tyler questioned, squinting his eyes at the girl. “Oh, wait, Jenna. I know her, she's very pretty and nice. Hi Jenna!”

Jenna eyed Tyler curiously before slowly nodding to Collin. “Hi, Tyler, how're you feeling?”

“Delirious.”

“On a scale of one to ten, how much?”

“Hundred. I feel really floaty and wavey. Oh, and I think I'm high on medication.” Tyler explained, leaning on Brendon's shoulder. “But food will help, so we're gonna get that.”

Jenna shook her head and gestured back to the room. “Take him back. I'll cook and bring it to him there. He should be having as less movement as possible.”

Brendon sighed the same time Collin laughed again.

“Collin!”

“I'm not laughing, I'm just smiling!”

Brendon glared at the taller man before turning his attention back to Tyler and helping him back to his room.

“Jenna is very pretty.”

“Yes, Tyler. I understand that.”

“Yeah, but she's really pretty.”

“Okay, Tyler. She _is_ pretty.”

“No, like, really pretty. You don't get it.”

“I get it, Ty. She's lovely as well as cute.”

“No-”

“Tyler!” Brendon said loudly, snapping the man out of his ramble about how pretty their friend is. “Let's stop okay? Lay down. You need to rest. Okay, bud?”

Tyler nodded with a small smile. “Okay.”

Brendon sighed in relief and slumped down in the chair next to the bed. He wanted to snap Josh's neck for hitting Tyler this hard and making him completely different. He was thankful that tomorrow Tyler should be better and he was extremely grateful that he won't be as delirious.

“Have I told you how pretty Jenna is?”

Brendon's eyes rolled back into his skull. _Not again_.

~

The sunlight peaked through the blinds and landed directly on Tyler's eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut before slowly slitting his eyes open.

Josh watched as Tyler struggled against the light, almost chuckling. He got up and fixed the blinds before returning to his seat on the couch. Jenna said he should wake up today and Josh wanted to see him. More precisely, he wanted to talk.

Tyler smiled softly when the light was gone. He still sat up nonetheless and rubbed his eyes.

“Mornin’.”

Tyler dropped his hands and slowly turned around to face the source of the voice. Josh.

Josh stared at him before clearing his throat. “We have to talk, Tyler.”

Tyler's eyebrows furrowed before he shook his head quickly. “We don't have shit to talk about. Where's Brendon? I wanna thank him for staying with me and being here when I needed him.”

Josh knew Tyler was shading him in that comment. He wasn't that dumb. He also was smart enough to not pick another fight. “Brendon is downstairs with Jenna. Anyway, I wanted to apologize-”

Josh was cut off by Tyler's loud laughter. Tyler was laughing so hard that he fell onto his side, clutching his stomach.

“ _Tyler_.” Josh warned, his eyes dark.

Tyler didn't listen. He laughed for a few more minutes before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Oh, that was really funny. Thank you for making me laugh, I really needed that.”

“I was serious.”

Tyler went still. He stared at Josh blankly, silently urging him to continue.

“I'm sorry that I freaked out. I didn't mean for that to happen.” Josh muttered, his eyes darting down to the floor. He wasn't good with apologizing. He didn't know how to make it sincere.

“Yeah, but you-”

“If you're gonna start arguing back then I'm gonna leave. I'm tired, Tyler, okay? I'm tired. I have a mafia to run, I don't have time to be immature with one person. I didn't mean to hurt you. You know how I roll. I don't bother someone unless they bother me. I don't kill people out of fun, I don't hit people out of enjoyment. This isn't a fuckin’ movie where I'm the fucked up, evil, unstoppable villain, alright?” Josh sighed softly afterwards, forcing himself to look at Tyler. “I'm ready to start over, but if you can't see yourself with me, then leave. You tell me about the contract, I'll say fuck a contract.”

Tyler was overwhelmed. He didn't expect this. Collin wasn't lying when he said boss was unpredictable. And Josh apologizing? Tyler was shocked.

He fiddled with the blanket, his shoulders slumping down. “Okay, no more fucking around. And, uh, I'm sorry, too, I guess. I shouldn't have rubbed it in your face.”

Josh nodded understandingly, knowing his brother wasn't coming back to life if he hurt Tyler. He was upset, but like he always told Tyler, dwelling on the past will only hurt him.

“So, we're good?”

“We're good.” Josh confirmed, standing up and stretching his arms. He was glad he didn't have to stress about his apology anymore.

Josh was also happy Tyler was taking him seriously.

“Jenna made breakfast. Wanna join?”

“Yeah, I'll shower and get changed. Gimme fifteen minutes and I'll meet you guys down there.”

Josh nodded before walking out of the room.

Like Tyler had said, he showered and changed into a new tank top and sweatpants before walking down to the kitchen.

Collin spotted him first, immediately bursting into laughter. “Oh god, remember when you were acting like you were on drugs?”

Tyler rolled his eyes, moving to sit next to him on the table. He smiled shyly at Brendon and shot Jenna a small wave.

Josh cocked an eyebrow at Collin’s comment and sipped on his coffee quietly.

Tyler had never seen Josh do something so normal so he stared at him for a few seconds before turning to answer Collin.

“I was on medication so technically, yes, I was on something.”

“Okay, but my favorite memory is you bugging Bren with Jenna. Do you remember that?” Collin asked, smiling at Tyler. Jenna shook her head while Brendon huffed dramatically.

Tyler chuckled, not helping the smile that spread on his lips. “Okay, I guess it was funny.”

“Oh, remember when you thought Brendon's hair was fake-”

“Collin, stop.” Tyler groaned, pushing his friend away. “Really, I didn't spend three days in a bed to come back to this. I get it, I'm funny when I'm well and when I'm not. Can we move on? This is really annoying me.”

Collin pouted playfully before humming in response. “Yeah, my bad.”

“You're fine.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Josh snapped, glaring at the two boys. “Can I have breakfast in peace? Can I fucking have a normal moment?”

Tyler shrugged while Collin shut his mouth and nodded obediently.

Tyler however, didn't take orders.

“Well, considering the life you're in, I don't consider being a boss-”

“Tyler, shut up.” Josh interrupted, taking a bite of his waffle.

Brendon knew better than to get to the conversation. He knew Josh didn't like people butting into business. And it seemed like the others knew, because everyone was silent, except, well, Tyler.

“I have a point to make.” Tyler continued, wanting to talk. “Like I was saying, being a boss-”

“I will beat your face with this mug.” Josh interrupted again, clutching the cup in his hand.

Tyler wasn't phased, he continued on.

“Being normal, doesn't involve-”

Josh stood up and Tyler clasped his mouth shut. He moved his chair next to Tyler's and sat down, fork clutched tightly in his hand.

Tyler kept his mouth shut, knowing that Josh sat close by to stab Tyler with his fork the moment he opens his mouth. And Tyler wasn't stupid, he wasn't going to end up hurt again.

Jenna finally let go of the breath that she was holding.

Brendon was also happy Tyler was in one piece.

Jenna handed Tyler his plate and smiled politely at him. “What do you wanna drink?”

“Rat poisoning.” Came Tyler's sarcastic reply. “What type of question is that? Coffee obviously.”

Jenna rolled her eyes and poured him coffee before setting it next to his plate. “Want anything else?”

“Yes, cock, please.”

Collin snorted at his reply while Brendon wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Sorry, man. I don't have a dick, but I do have strawberries, if you want. You were talking about strawberries yesterday and how much you liked the fruit.” Jenna answered, her eyes darting to see if Josh was irritated. She didn't know if he meant complete silence.

Tyler giggled and shook his head, grinning. “I was kidding and no, thank you, I'm fine with this.” Tyler picked up his fork before digging into his breakfast.

Breakfast went on peacefully and everyone was happy nothing went wrong.

Now, Tyler was curled up on the couch, watching whatever interesting thing he could find on the TV.

“Tyler, are you here?”

Tyler sat up and turned around, smiling softly at Josh. “Yeah, I'm here, what's up? Want something?”

Josh almost smiled back, but he couldn't find it in him. He doesn't remember the last time he genuinely smiled. “Are you fine with doing me a favor?”

Tyler nodded instantly, standing up. “Of course. What do you need?”

Josh motioned for him to follow and Tyler trailed behind him, excited to do something, especially since that'd give him a chance to impress Josh.

“I'm having mixed thoughts about this one girl, Ashley, I need you to go in her place and find anything suspicious. Can you do that?”

Tyler chuckled, brushing Josh off. He was expecting something harder. “Yeah, it should be easy. Want me to do that right now?”

Josh nodded and gave Tyler all the information he needed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be 5-10 chapters


	3. Collin

“So, search every corner for anything that might be against or directed towards you and try not to get killed?”

Josh sighed quietly at Tyler's choice of words. He didn't think it was a joking matter. He liked Tyler's confidence, but he didn't want him forgetting the whole point.

“Yeah, Tyler. But be careful, okay? Don't let anyone see you. At all.”

Tyler brushed Josh off, nodding happily. He was excited, he hadn't had some action in his life for a while and he's ready for a change.

“Sure thing, sir. I'm on my own, though, right? I don't have to look out for backup or anything?”

Josh thought about it, before nodding. “Yes. I don't think going in groups is good. I don't want distraction. If you need back up though, call. Or text.”

Tyler stood up and brushed his shirt down. Josh watched him, a small grin on his face. “Have fun, don't get hurt, and please don't cause any trouble, understood?”

“And if I do?”

Josh was in front of Tyler in an instant, hand tightly on his shoulder. “Do not play games with me, Joseph, or you will end up next to your parents.”

Tyler shoved Josh away, eyebrows knitted together in anger. “Shut the fuck up, just because you don't have a family that doesn't mean you have to go around killing other fa-”

Tyler was silenced by a gun pressing to his temple. “Josh, I know you won't do it.”

Josh knew that, too. He knew it damn well. He knew that he needed Tyler alive in order to keep his plans. Josh needed his trust, too.

“I won't kill you, but that doesn't mean I won't cause you damage.”

Tyler nodded, holding his hands up in defense.

Josh pulled the pistol back, putting it on safe before handing it to Tyler. “Keep that in case you need it. Carry a knife on you, too. Actually, no. Take a dagger.”

Josh moved to his desk, pulling the drawer open and throwing the dagger towards Tyler.

Tyler reacted quickly, moving out of the way. It hit the door behind him before falling by his feet. “That could've gotten me!”

“Shoulda catched it, darlin’.” Josh chuckled, moving to sit down. “You can leave whenever. I expect you here before midnight, though, I don't want you out that long. Especially since I'm not with you.”

Tyler hummed, leaning down to pick the blade up and pocket it, along with the gun. “You want updates? Or should I just tell you what happens later when I return?”

Josh shrugged, smiling slightly. He wished he could smile naturally, but he has to force every smile, no matter who the person is.

“No, don't worry about that. Just tell me what happens later.”

“Can I text my friends?”

“You have friends?” Josh asked, smiling teasingly.

“Heyyy,” Tyler whined, crossing his arms. “I do have friends, like Collin.”

Josh laughed, shaking his head no. “Nah, Collin ain't official. So he doesn't technically need to know anything. I kept him around because he's always been close to me. It felt wrong leaving him.”

Tyler was confused. But Collin always referred to Josh as boss, was it a habit or was he talking about someone else?

“Tyler!”

“Huh?”

“I said, you can go now.”

Tyler nodded slowly, turning around and exiting Josh's office. “Whatever, probably nothing. I'm dramatic sometimes,” Tyler said to himself, walking down the hall and to the entrance of the buildings.

He decided to not worry about Collin.

~

When a hand clasped around his mouth the second he got in through the window to Ashley's house, he knew something was _wrong_.

“It's okay, Tyler. It's only me, I'm with you.”

Tyler's heart sped up. That didn't comfort him at all, if anything, it rose the panic in his chest.

Josh said Tyler was doing this on his own, which meant, Collin shouldn't be here. Josh also said Collin didn't work for him, which also meant Collin shouldn't have even known about this. How did he know?

Tyler has been in situations before, he knew what to do. He nodded slightly to his ‘friend’, biting back a smirk when he felt Collin’s hand drop. _Stupid_.

“Whatcha doin’ here, buddy?” Tyler asked, smiling reassuringly at him. _I'm such a good actor, whoa._

“Wanted to help, ya know. Heard boss and I decided to come, too.” Collin replied, shrugging slightly.

Tyler nodded again, almost laughing at how insincere the blonde man sounded. Shit didn't add up, if Collin really did hear Josh, then he wouldn't have arrived before Tyler.

He decided to get him later when Collin feels as if Tyler believes him.

Tyler took a few steps forward, looking around the living room, his eyes immediately landing on a table filled with knives and syringes, with a chair right next to it with straps.

“ _Shit_ ,” Tyler breathed, not having enough time to turn around before something hit his head.

Tyler forced his eyes open because he didn't remember falling asleep.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ -”

“Shut your mouth.”

Tyler's head snapped up, eyes immediately narrowing at Collin. He went to get up, but he was held back by the straps on his wrists and legs that bond him to the chair.

“What, with all due respect, is the fuck going on?” Tyler snapped, shaking his hands and trying to rub his legs together to loose the straps.

Collin smiled softly at him, flipping a knife before catching it. “I wanna help you, Ty.”

Tyler cocked an eyebrow in disbelief and confusion. “Then why am I tied up next to a bunch of weird things on the table? And why did you knock me out?”

“I knew you would freak out and possibly shoot me with your gun, which by the way, is strong. I'm assuming Dun gave it to you, so I had to resort to having you asleep.” Collin explained, moving to sit in front of Tyler, knife still in hand.

“Can I get an explanation? Stop being cryptic with your actions and tell me what the hell is going on.” Tyler said, craning his neck to look around in case someone else was here. He needed to know who he'll be killing later.

“Josh isn't who he is.”

“Yeah, we all fuckin’ know that.” Tyler retorted, rolling his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up for a second, I'm trying to explain everything.”

“What if I wanna talk?”

Collin gestured to the table. “I'll numb your mouth.”

Tyler snapped his mouth shut and eyed Collin warily.

“Like I was saying-you know what? There's no easy way to say this. Josh killed your parents to get your attention, he framed them on something bad to make you believe that he did it for a reason and not because he wants you to break. Dun absolutely knew that you'd come around. He always knows things like that. His plan is to have you create drugs with him. He knows how smart you are, he knows you know about the human brain well, he knows you've studied the human body better than anyone and he knows how healthy and good your body is so he's also planning on testing things on ya.”

Collin stared at Tyler, biting his lip anxiously. He was hoping he doesn't freak out or try to kill him.

“That doesn't make sense, if he knows you know this stuff, why does he keep you around?” Tyler questioned, feeling so overwhelmed. He didn't know what to believe.

Collin smiled apologetically. “He doesn't know I know. Even if he did, he wouldn't kill me, he knows it'd look suspicious. I found out because I followed him. He also talks in his sleep. I used to sleep with him so.”

“But I thought he kept me because I was a threat to his place in the mafia?” Tyler mumbled out, voice slightly breaking.

“He made that up, it seemed so reasonable. And he was right, because we all fell for it. Especially you, Tyler.”

Tyler's breath hitched.

_That's why he commented on my knowledge on psychology and philosophy. That's why he's always having someone with me. That's why he agreed to protect me. That's why he doesn't want me out a lot. That's why he's making me do small, simple tasks. That's why he was so scared when he hit my head. That's why he apologized, he knew I would jump back to him. Jenna was right when she said I'm gullible. How did I not figure this out?_

“Tyler?” Collin questioned, shaking the brunette slightly. “You've completely gone out on me, you alright?”

Tyler's eyes focused on Collin again. “So, these syringes are what Josh wants to inject in me?” He commented, adding things together.

Collin nodded with a small chuckle. “Yeah, managed to steal them without him noticing, see, this is why he wants your brain.”

Tyler turned to look at the table. He leaned closer and read the label that contained his name in big letters. Collin isn't lying, this is Josh's handwriting.

“What do you wanna do? Why are you trying to help me?” Tyler asked, watching Collin closely.

“This is the same thing he did to my sister. I don't want that to happen to you, too. I don't wanna sit here and watch history repeat itself when I could've prevented it.” Collin gently squeezed Tyler's shoulder, moving to open the straps.

He knew now Tyler wouldn't freak out now.

Tyler moved to rub his wrists, still watching the blonde carefully. “I don't know if I believe you. I don't know who I believe.”

Collin sighed, dropping the knife on the table. “Ashley knows, too. That's why she made it seem like she was suspicious, we both knew Josh would investigate. We also knew he'd send you since it's something simple. He wants you to believe he needs you.”

Collin paused for a second before helping Tyler stand up. “Sooo, are you with me?”

Tyler shook his head. He still didn't know what to believe. “Tell you what, I'll watch him closely, if he does anything off then I'll come to you, for now, I need some time.”

Collin agreed with a small hum. “Seems fair.”

Tyler nodded softly. “I'll also tell him I found nothing since Ashley's intention was to get me here. I'm also gonna stay here for a few hours to make it seem believable.”

Collin really didn't know how Tyler was so smart. No wonder Josh wanted him. “Wanna know about the syringes while you're here?”

Tyler shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

~

Tyler walked back down the hall, still overwhelmed from Collin. He didn't let it affect him, he already knew the whole situation is fucked up.

Tyler twisted the door handle and walked in, his jaw falling open at the sight.

“ _Fuck_.” Josh mumbled, pulling back from the girl and looking up at Tyler.

The girl cocked her head, looking at Josh then Tyler.

“Have you not learned to knock?” The purple haired girl asked, eyes narrowed at Tyler.

Josh stood up, gently shoving Lily away.

“Did you finish what I asked?” Josh asked, voice stern. He hoped he could distract Tyler or at least change the subject.

Tyler's fists clenched by his side, hand moving to the gun in his pocket. “What the fuck did I ask from you, Josh?”

“Tyler, not now. I asked if you fini-”

“I don't give a fuck what you want! You agreed to not be with someone else other than me! I made it clear and you fucking agreed. You agreed! Why would you break our agreement?”

Josh groaned, eyes rolling involuntarily. “It's nothing to get butthurt over, I wasn't fucking her. I agreed to not sleep with anyone else.”

Lily stood awkwardly behind Josh, rubbing her hands along Josh's shoulder to comfort him.

“Get your hands off of him.” Tyler seethed through gritted teeth. When the girl didn't move, Tyler started forward only to have Josh's arm wrap around his waist and pull him back.

“Tyler, stop. You're actin’ like a fuckin’ teenage girl-

A gunshot.

Josh already suspected it, he wasn't surprised when he no longer felt Lily's hand on his shoulder. He didn't even bother looking back when he heard the thud.

Tyler dropped the gun and tackled Josh, one hand pinning his wrists while the other punched his nose.

“You think it's funny to fucking play me like that? You really think I won't do shit about it? I'm over here sticking to everything we agreed on and you fucking break your word in less than a week?” Tyler snarled, hands gripping Josh's collar and tugging him close.

Josh huffed a laugh, shoving Tyler off and wiping his bloody nose. “No, I just think it's cute how you think I care. I don't care, Tyler. I don't care if your feelings get hurt, I'm just getting what I want from you.”

Tyler stood still, muscles tense. “You just fucking broke another thing. You agreed to comfort and you're over here having me all types of fucked up. You have me all the way fucked up.”

Josh shrugged, turning around to grab a tissue to press against his nose. “It ain't my fault you're sensitive-”

“I'm leaving.” Tyler finally said, pulling Josh's dagger out and dropping it where Josh's gun was.

“If you can't stick to your word then I won't stick to your contract.” Tyler turned on his heel but he was stopped by Josh's hand around his wrist. “You can't leave.”

“I can and I will. Fuck you, for messing me up again.”

Josh tugged Tyler away from the door and shoved him back. “I fucking said you're not leaving! You already signed-”

“I did sign, but I signed on a deal, that you broke. Therefore I'm not sticking to that paper anymore.” Tyler walked past Josh and opened the door. “Oh, and I hope you find someone else as smart as me to use.”

Josh stopped for a second, eyes going dark. “The hell is that supposed to mean? _Smart_? Where did that came from?”

Tyler then realized what he had said. _Smooth, Joseph. Way to fucking stay hidden_.

“Tyler, what do you know? Close the door and come stand here. In front of me.”

Tyler glanced back at Josh before quickly darting out of the room. Josh reacted in an instant, already after Tyler.

“I won't be as upset if you come talk to me right now instead of running away.” Josh called after him, knowing that Tyler could hear him.

Tyler could run away, but Josh could always find him.

“I'm not coming back to you. You broke our agreement, how am I supposed to believe you'll keep your other words?” Tyler turned around and looked at Josh, raising his eyebrows at him expectantly.

Josh cursed beneath his breath, motioning to the room right by Tyler. “That's my room. Let's talk.”

Tyler opened the door in and waited for Josh to enter before he walked in after him.

Tyler looked around the room, finding it to be not what he had expected. The walls were a champagne color whereas the entire theme was elegance. The furniture was set up in a satisfactory way where every spot was covered.

It was tidy and looked untouched.

Tyler found comfort here. It smelled of Josh and even after all this shit, he liked the smell.

Josh sat down on one of the sofas with a towel and ice pressed to his nose. Tyler didn't feel bad. He sat across from him, close to the door just in case.

“Tyler, I don't think the part where I can't have anyone else is going to work,” Josh stated, rubbing the ice in small circles against his nose.

“Yeah, obviously it won't work since you can't fucking control yourself, dick.”

Josh gave Tyler a look.

“Talk to me properly.”

“No, you don't fucking deserve my respect.”

Josh's jaw clenched and he glared at Tyler. “All this because I kissed someone else? You really are fucking sensitive. We aren't in a relationship, I can fuck whoever.”

Tyler's face dropped. “Then, then why did you agree? Why did you make me believe you when you were planning on lying to me. Again?”

“I'm sorry you're so fucking oblivious and gullible. It ain't my fault-”

“Yes, it is! You go around making me believe I really am working with you and there are no secrets when your intentions are always to hurt me, to lie to me!” Tyler shouted, his nails digging into his own thigh. “I get that you want something from me, it's fucking obvious because everyone here is close to you whereas I'm completely different. I know I'm not family to you but damn, that doesn't mean you have to run me over constantly.”

Tyler threw his head back against the pillows and huffed quietly. “I meant it when I said I hated you.” Tyler said out loud, making sure Josh heard him.

“I really thought you were someone else, I thought you at least acted a little human in tight situations but you're always emotionless, come to think of it, you're like an alien. Completely not human.”

Tyler sat up and pulled a folded paper out of his pocket. “I'm not staying. And there's nothing you can do to stop me.”

Josh stared at the contract in Tyler's hand, cursing beneath his breath. How did I not see him grab it off my desk?

“Tyler, don't do-”

“No, fuck you. Find someone else to deal with your shit because it's not me. Send someone after me and I'll kill them. You come after me and I'll kill you, too. I used to care ‘bout you, now I fuckin’ don't. So I have no problem hurting you now.” Tyler ripped the paper before getting up and dropping it in Josh's lap.

“Good luck in the lab. Hope you find good drugs.”

Josh shot up grabbing Tyler and pulling him back against the sofa. “Where'd you hear that?” He asked, calmly.

Tyler didn't like how calm he was. It wasn't right, so he quickly tried to change the subject.

“You own a mafia, which makes you a drug lord, so, good luck with that.” Tyler rephrased, hoping it was reasonable and believable.

Josh shook his head, holding Tyler in place. “You're lying to me. Your pupils are dilated. You also aren't looking me in the eyes.”

Tyler kicked his leg out before kicking Josh's knee. Josh groaned in pain, losing his grip on Tyler and taking a few steps back.

“I'm not lying. When I lie, my bottom lip quivers. What you just saw is me being fuckin’ scared. I don't know what you're capable of anymore and I'm scared.” Tyler got up again and kept some distance between them.

“I used to find you safe, now I don't.”

Josh rubbed his knee, wincing slightly when he tried to walk. Josh grunted softly before slumping down on the sofa.

Josh didn't understand Tyler. How could Tyler hate him but find him safe at the same time?

“Tyler, I'm sorry, please don't leave.”

“No! Stop! You're not doing this again! I'm not falling for it! Take your sorry and shove it up someone else's ass since you love sex so much.” Tyler took a couple of more steps back before realizing that he kicked Josh's knee hard and he won't be able to chase after him.

Josh sighed quietly, giving Tyler a pleading look. “I'm really sorry, I'm not gonna bother to make excuses. I did kiss her and I'm sorry, okay?”

Tyler rolled his eyes and leaned against the sofa. “You don't sound sincere, don't forget that anyone can pull apologizes out of their ass.”

Josh didn't know what to do. He still desperately wanted Tyler and it wasn't even for something bad. He did need him in the lab, but not to harm him.

Josh knew that Tyler probably already knows. He was fucked.

“L-leave.” Josh said, voice slightly shaky. “You ripped the contract, leave.”

_I don't need him. I could study on my own and become smarter. I don't need him. Maybe I do for my heart, but not for this mafia anymore._

Tyler cocked his head. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am. Just leave. Don't come back again.”

“Why are you convinced now?” Tyler pressed, wanting to know why the sudden change. He didn't completely trust Josh yet. It could be another act.

“There's nothing I can do. I can't help the way my heart gets heavy when I look at you. I can't help but feel happy when you smile genuinely. I can't help but be surprised when you tell your friends about something new. You always look so pure when you're asleep, I love how talented you are. I love how helpful and I love how you use your heart and brain, yet all this is not enough to change me. It's not you, it's me.”

Tyler stared at Josh, blinking a couple of times. _Is he finally admitting his emotions? This is really off. Why does he always do something when I wanna leave?_

Josh shrugged, feeling completely stressed and sad.

“I realized that I can control everything but my emotions and you, Tyler. I can't control that and I'm not gonna waste my breath or time. I'm over this shit, to be honest.”

Tyler paused before moving to sit across from Josh again. “You're confusing.”

Josh chuckled quietly. “I know. I confuse myself all the time.”

Tyler fiddled with his fingers, occasionally glancing up to find Josh staring at him back.

“Josh, are you hidin’ somethin’ from me?” Tyler asked, finally breaking the silence.

Josh nodded, feeling like his chest was going to explode. “I am.”

Tyler didn't expect him to say yes. He was more surprised than upset. “Wait, what?”

“I am hiding something from you.” Josh repeated, talking slowly so Tyler could catch on.

“What are you keeping from me?”

Josh tipped his head back and pinched the tip of his nose to try to stop the blood from his nose. “I'll show you later.”

“Why not now?”

“I'm not ready, yet.”

Tyler nodded, a little unsure. "After that, no more secrets?"

Josh smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yes, if you tell me what you're hiding, too."

Tyler's breath hitched for the second time that day. 

Josh's eyebrow cocked. "Tyler?" He questioned, feeling a bit concerned for him. 

Tyler snapped out of his thoughts, nodding. "Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you everything but you have to promise to tell me everything you know as well. Okay?"

"Okay."

Tyler shook his head. _Not enough_.  

"Promise me, Josh."

Josh doesn't do promises. 

"I-"

"Josh, _please!_ " Tyler begged, voice on edge. 

_"I promise."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love plot twists


	4. Promises

“You won't break that promise, right?” Tyler bit his lip, hoping for a good answer.

He really didn't have it in him to handle another thing caused by Josh. He didn't want to be lied to, again.

Josh shook his head, giving him a smile, that once again, didn't reach his eyes.

“Don't worry, I don't break promises, Tyler.”

“Yeah? But you do break agreements. So I'm a bit worried.”

Josh ignored Tyler, leaning down to gently press his palm against his knee. He hissed in pain quietly, leaning back up and sniffling. He winced again.

“Your nose is big.”

“Yeah, no shit, you punched it.” Josh replied, moving a hand to carefully touch his nose.

“I'm sorry.”

Josh chuckled, brushing him off. “You're not really sorry, so don't apologize.”

Tyler slumped back in his seat, looking away from Josh and to his room. He really did like Josh's room.

“You have to promise me other things.”

Josh looked up. “I dunno, depends what you're asking.”

Josh was a bit stressed. He already promised to tell him what really is going on. And that was enough for him because it was something big. He didn't need pressure from other promises.

He hoped Tyler wouldn't want another big thing.

Tyler took a deep breath, already expecting Josh to say no. He decided to ask anyway.

“Promise me to not be with anyone else and not leave.”

“Absolutely no to the first one, I can't promise you that and for the second one, define ‘leave’.”

Tyler wasn't shocked. He taught himself to expect anything from Josh that way he won't get himself hurt.

He wasn't hurt, he was mad.

“Leave, as in the fucking definition that we learned in elementary school. That goes for everything, I want you to physically not leave. I don't want you leaving me out of things. I don't want you leaving me when I need you. I don't want you telling me to leave. That kind of stuff, smart one.”

Josh stared at Tyler, almost feeling bad for ruining the moment. He just couldn't break any promises so he figured it'd be better to be honest. He really meant it when he said he was done playing around.

“I can't promise you any of that, but I will try. How's that?”

Tyler shrugged. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“What? You want me to start crying and throwing a tantrum?”

Josh rolled his eyes. _Of course I ruined the moment, because now, he's pissy again. Way to go, Josh._

“No, actually. I was expecting a proper answer.”

“And ‘okay’ isn't a good enough answer for you?” Tyler snapped, crossing his arms.

“No! I never said that, I was just expecting more.”

“Yeah, basically you want more because ‘okay’ wasn't enough.”

Josh stopped himself from replying. He knew better to not feed into Tyler. He wasn't going to get into another argument.

“Why are you in a bad mood? Wanna talk about it?”

“Me?” Tyler gasped, narrowing his eyes. “Why am I in a bad mood? You really want me to tell you why I'm in a bad fuckin’ mood? You really wanna go there? And ‘wanna talk about it’? Really? You're really gonna pull that shit right now? You think it's not completely ironic that you said that-”

“Okay, damn! I'm sorry for trying to help! Goddamn,” Josh interrupted, holding his hands up in defense. “Shit, if you don't wanna talk to me right now then just say so. Don't have to go all fucking hulk on me and snap.”

Tyler wanted to kick him in the face again and break his nose if it weren't already broken from the punch earlier.

“There was nothing in Ashley's house, by the way. I would've gladly told you about it but you were to busy kissing another girl.”

Josh sighed. Tyler was the type of person to not let go easily so Josh needed to deal with Tyler's bitter comments until he gets over it.

“Oh, that's good.” Josh said, already knowing what happened there. He wouldn't call out Tyler on hiding the part with Collin, he'd wait until he's ready to tell Tyler everything and then the brunette can share what he hid, too.

Josh was patient, therefore he was going to wait.

“I'm sorry about that, Tyler. I won't do it again. Stop being upset over this and get over it, alright?”

Tyler violently shook his head.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, you don't get to decide what upsets me-”

“I never said that. I'm saying to get over it. I never said ‘hey, don't be upset, stop being sensitive. Haha.’ Yeah, those weren't my words so stop trying to find a reason to pick a fight with me. It's not going to work. You're not gonna make me mad then make me feel bad for hurting or snapping at you.”

Tyler gasped dramatically. “ _You_? You feel bad? That there, my friend, is a lie-”

“Shut your fuckin’ mouth, I'm not lying.” Josh barked, glaring at Tyler.

“What's funny is that five seconds ago, you were bitching to me how I don't get to decide what you feel, now you're trying to tell me what I'm not doing? Yeah, fuck out of here with this shit. I'm done playing games, Tyler. What part of that do you not understand?”

Tyler stayed silent. _Damn he has a point. Since when did he get like this?_

Josh didn't like that Tyler didn't answer him. “We could practice fighting if you wanna fight so bad, but other than that, I'm not doing this shit. I said I wanna start over and I am. Which means I'm not going to do this childish thing where I'm constantly on your throat.”

Tyler looked down. “Okay, you have a point.”

Josh sighed in relief. Finally.

A comfortable silence fell over them where Josh watched Tyler scroll through his phone.

Josh's knee started throbbing and his nose was an uncomfortable pain. He knew Jenna was technically his ‘doctor’ so he decided he wanted to see her, only he couldn't really walk.

Josh decided to ask Tyler.

“Hey, can you get Jenna? I want her to come look at my knee.” Josh asked, quietly.

“You go get her.” Tyler replied, a dull expression on his face. He still didn't feel bad.

“You fucked my knee and now you won't even do something simple f’me? What a great assistant-”

“The contract is gone, I'm not your assistant anymore so you can go fuck yourself with a cactus.”

Josh's lips pressed into a thin line. _There's literally no point when he's in a bad mood. Jesus Christ, am I like this when I'm pissy?_

“Okay, can you get Jenna, as a favor for me, your friend-”

“I'm not your friend either, so go deepthroat a fork.”

Josh almost screamed out of frustration. He stared at Tyler, finding him staring at his phone screen not giving a fuck whatsoever.

There must be a God, Josh thought because two minutes later, Jenna came in through the doors.

“There you are! I thought Lily killed you while you were banging her, anyway, have you seen Ty-oh.”

Jenna stopped mid-sentence, seeing Josh's injured state and Tyler carelessly scrolling through his phone.

“Tyler?”

“Eat a donut and choke on it.”

Jenna huffed, moving to gently kick Tyler's leg to get his attention. “I need to tell you something.”

“I don't care-”

“Collin’s dead.”

Tyler's head snapped to look at Josh. He knew that he had done it. It wasn't a coincidence that Collin dies right after telling Tyler what the ‘truth’ is.

“You killed him, didn't you?”

Jenna's brows knitted in confusion. “How do you know, Josh did you tell him already?”

Josh shifted in his seat, lips slightly parted. “I-”

“You promised, Josh.” Tyler quietly said, looking at Josh with sad eyes.

Jenna's voice interrupted again. “Wait, promised you what? Josh doesn't do promises so I don't th-”

“Jenna, give us a few minutes.” Josh mumbled, giving her a stern look.

The blonde girl nodded slowly, unsure.

“Get out, Jen. Please, a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay, don't take too long, I need to see your nose, it looks bad. And please don't fight.” With that being said, Jenna exited the room, closing the door behind her.

Josh didn't waste time before he opened his mouth to explain the situation to Tyler.

“Tyler, I was going-”

“Don't start.”

Josh's eyebrows furrowed. “But I'm going to explain-”

“Don't! I don't wanna listen.” Tyler got up, pocketing his phone before walking to the door.

“Tyler, I promised to not hide anything and to tell you everything. You're not giving me a chance, just listen for two minutes. I'll tell you what's up with Collin because then it'll make much more sense when I show you what I'm hidi-”

“I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. It.” Tyler said through gritted teeth.

“If you're not gonna listen then why did you make me promise you to tell you things? What's the damn point if you won't listen? Besides, that shit happened like an hour ago, and I was gonna say something later when you're in a better mood when you don't have a ladder up your ass.”

Tyler ignored Josh and made sure to slam the door on his way out.

Josh wanted to get up and go after him so bad, but he knew he wouldn't make it far with his knee.

He decided to give him time to cool off.

~

“Tyler!”

Tyler's head shot up and he glanced around before looking at his friend. “Yeah?”

“You've been zoned out for the past fifteen minutes. You also haven't touched your dinner, are you okay?”

Tyler nodded quickly, his hand still pressed against his cheek while his other moved the pasta around with his fork.

“Are you sure? You haven't said a word since like, eight o'clock. It's eleven thirty right now.”  
  
Jenna was really concerned for Tyler as well as Josh. Ever since the brunette showed up, it seemed as if Josh was falling apart and taking Tyler with him.

“Yeah. I'm sure. Just not feeling well.” Tyler set the fork down before pushing himself out of the chair. “I'll eat this tomorrow, I'm going to bed.”

Tyler didn't give Jenna a chance to talk before he was out of the kitchen.

He walked down the hall, feet soft against the carpet. He didn't feel like making noise and having to deal with pissed off people.

Tyler passed Josh's room, stopping momentarily to stare at the door.

 _Why do I have the worst luck?_ Tyler thought bitterly as the door swung open and Josh came out.

“There you are, I was just about to come find you,” Josh commented, opening the door wider and motioning for Tyler to come in.

Tyler hesitated before dragging his feet and walking inside the place that contained his favorite smell.

“How was dinner? Did you eat well?”

Tyler shrugged, moving to sit on Josh's bed. The bed looked too fluffy and soft and Tyler wanted to feel it. It also had Josh's smell.

“I didn't eat.” Tyler answered, his tone still dull.

Josh ignored it, deciding to be the positive one. He's gonna take Tyler's energy and make it positive.

“Why not? Did you not like it?” Josh frowned, Tyler hasn't been looking healthy nor has he been taking care of himself.

“I don't feel well.”

“You'll feel worse if you don't eat. Your body needs the energy-”

“Okay, doctor Dun, I’ll eat something later.” Tyler chuckled, laying down against the pillows.

Josh nodded, walking towards the shorter man.

Tyler noticed the knee brace, starting to feel a little bad watching Josh limp while walking. “Did I really kick you that hard?”

“No, yes, well, actually- _no_. This knee is already weak because I've broken it before, I mean, you did kick hard but it's not entirely your fault.”

Josh sat down next to Tyler's head and looked down at him. “You wanna talk? I promise to answer any questions.”

Tyler shook his head, scooting to rest his head in Josh's lap. “No. Save everything later to when you're completely ready. I don't want to be given pieces because like you said, it won't make sense if I don't know what you're hiding in the first place.”

“You're taking this surprisingly well. If that's what you wanted, why did you snap at me and ignore me for five hours earlier in the first place?” Josh tangled his hand in Tyler's hair and gently tugged on the hair strands.

“I was in a bad mood. And I've already had a lot of weird things go on today so it just wasn't a good time or situation. I trust that you'll keep your promise.”

Josh nodded understandingly, happy that Tyler was back to him. He wanted things to remain good. He really did see a life with Tyler. Josh hoped his plans would work out because then he can have a normal life again.

“Huh? You said something?” Josh asked once he snapped out of his thoughts about the future and heard a voice.

“Yeah, I asked if you plan on growing your beard.”

Josh chuckled lightly, lifting his hand to run along his stubble. “I think I'm gonna grow it out, yeah. I kinda miss it. Why?”

Tyler shrugged slightly, moving to run his fingers along Josh's jaw. He liked how grounding it felt. “Nothing, I just wanna see you with a beard. I really like how it feels.”

Josh chuckled again, this time louder.

“It's not funny.” Tyler stated, pinching Josh's skin to make him stop.

“It's not funny, you're just too cute, ow-hey!”

Josh lightly smacked Tyler's hand and pushed it away. “That hurt, my skin is sensitive.”

Tyler pouted mockingly and sat up, straddling Josh, careful of his knee. “You need to take pain. Be a man.”

Josh laughed low in his chest, Tyler feeling the vibrations. “Really, Tyler? Take pain? Not everyone enjoys pain like you do.”

Tyler's cheeks flushed slightly and he shook his head in denial. “I don't like pain.”

“Mhm, I'm sure.”

“I'm being serious.”

“I'm sure you are.”

Tyler pouted. He poked Josh's chest lightly before leaning against his hard chest. “Whatever.”

“‘Whatever’.” Josh mocked in a high voice, grinning down at Tyler when he heard him huff.

“I do not sound like that.” Tyler scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Although they were play fighting, Tyler enjoyed this moment so much. He loved how comfortable Josh seemed with him. Tyler wanted to always spend time like this with him. He wanted the fun, teasing side of him. Maybe the loving and emotional side, too.

“When my dick is pressing against your prostate that's how high your voice sounds, so technically, you do sound li-”

“I'm about to punch you so hard in the stomach.”

“You do realize your voice does, in fact, get high when you moan, right?” Josh continued, the same grin plastered on his face.

“Josh…” Tyler whined, burying his face in the older man's neck.

“I'm only stating facts.”

“Well, stop. No one asked for your fact stating session.”

Josh snickered, wanting to laugh at Tyler's muffled voice.

“You're not embarrassed, Ty, right?” Josh asked in a soft voice.

Tyler's heart fluttered at the nickname. He also felt his stomach explode with butterflies at Josh's tone.

“No, I just don't wanna think about it.” Tyler answered, tilting his head to look at Josh.

“Why not?”

“I don't wanna get turned on.”

“Your own moans turn you on?”

“No, you idiot. Thinking about why I was moaning, which is you.”

“Oooh, okay. Gotcha.” Josh laughed, biting the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing anymore.

“Why are you laughing? It's not that funny. In fact, it's not funny at all.” Tyler would never admit, but he loved Josh's laugh. He loved his voice in general so he never really meant it when he said to stop laughing.

“That one time Jenna asked what else you want and you answered with cock. That's why I'm laughing.” Josh went back to his fit of giggles, giggling louder when he looked at Tyler.

“That's not that funny either.”

“Okay, what am I supposed to laugh at then?”

Tyler shrugged, sitting up and pressing a kiss to the corner of Josh's mouth.

“We can have sex instead.”

Josh laughed unintentionally, Tyler huffing and gently punching his shoulder. “Jesus, what's with you and laughing today? It really isn't that funny.”

“I'm sorry, baby. I'll stop.”

Tyler stared at Josh for a few seconds, smiling when Josh was no longer laughing.

Josh thought about Tyler's suggestion. He really did want to feel Tyler. It seemed perfect with the situation right now. Josh missed sweet sex and he would rather have it with Tyler than anyone else. He would also rather have rough sex with him.

“Were you serious? You wanna have sex right now?”

Tyler nodded enthusiastically, smiling shyly at him. “Yeah, if that's okay with you.”

“Since when did you get shy?”

“You ruined the moment!” Tyler whined loudly, shoving Josh's shoulder and moving away from his lap. He sat on the other side, arms crossed.

Josh bit back a laugh and scooted over so he was facing Tyler's back. “Oh, my bad. I didn't know you wanted a moment.”

Tyler pouted, arms still crossed over his chest. “It was a good one, too.”

“Sorry-”

Josh was cut off by Tyler turning around and pushing him back against the bed way too quickly. “Ha! Gotchu.” Tyler sat on Josh's hips, grinning from ear to ear.

Josh looked up at Tyler, almost smiling. He was so, _so_ close to smiling genuinely. “Okay, baby boy. You got me, now get off so I can-”

“No, I'm on top tonight.”

Josh's brows furrowed. “Wait, you're a powerbottom?”

Tyler nodded, leaning down and sucking on Josh's right collarbone. “Yeah, I still wanna get fucked but sometimes I just wanna be more in control, ya know?”

Josh hummed quietly, hands moving to wrap his arms around Tyler's waist.

“No, you're not allowed to touch me.” Tyler grabbed Josh's wrists, pinning them above his head. “Keep them there.”

Josh didn't know how he was supposed to stay still. He's so used to touching his partners so it was hard to not to do so.

“Ty-”

“I'll tie you up then,” Tyler said, leaning back and giving Josh an expectant look. “You wanna be tied?”

Josh shook his head.

“Then stay still, be good, Joshie.”

~

“Baby, please, come on.” Josh begged, his hips involuntarily thrusting up into the air.

Tyler giggled, pushing down Josh's hips and dipping his head down to suck the tip of Josh's cock in his mouth.

Josh moaned quietly, head rolling back. He's been on edge for about two hours now. He couldn't come, even if he wanted to, because Tyler slipped on a cockring without Josh noticing.

“You wanna come, Josh?” Tyler taunted, knowing he physically couldn't.

Tyler smiled way too sweetly, watching as Josh's fingers twitched above his head.

“Y-yeah.” Josh answered quickly, begging Tyler with his eyes.

“Okay, but I'm first going to ride your cock. Then I'm gonna ride your face. Then I'll let you come.”

Josh wanted to groan, but he knew it was going to be good so he kept his lips sealed shut.

Tyler climbed on top of Josh, slowly easing himself down on his thick length.

“F-fuck.” Tyler moaned, taking a few seconds to adjust to Josh's size. He sat on his hips, slowly rolling his hips to help him.

“Tyler, please.” Josh's eyes were wide open on Tyler. “Please, baby. I wanna make you feel good.”

The brunette nodded, quietly shushing Josh. “Sshh, I got you.”

Tyler lifted his hips before slumping down slowly. He wanted to feel the drag and he wanted Josh to feel him.

Josh moaned loudly, dropping his hand in front of his mouth to bite on. He bit down on his fist, not wanting to be loud.

Tyler rode Josh slow and sweet for another twenty minutes before getting close and getting off of Josh's dick.

He scooted up his chest before looking down at him, his body flushing. “Can I sit on your face?”

Josh nodded happily, darting his tongue out to lick his lips. Tyler then realized that he's never kissed Josh before.

He wanted to save it for another, more emotional moment. He also wanted it to mean more.

“Yeah, please do.” Josh muttered, moving his hands to Tyler's hips to help guide him.

Tyler squatted over his face and lowered himself until he felt Josh's tongue against his hole.

He cried out at the feeling, not used to such attention. Josh also wasn't being slow, which overwhelmed Tyler.

“J-Josh, fuck. Shit.” Curses and moans fell freely from Tyler's lips, Josh doing nothing to stop him. He wanted to hear his sounds.

They didn't make it to ten minutes before Tyler was writhing on top of him, drool slightly falling from his parted lips. “I'm gonna come,” he muttered quietly, grinding down on Josh's tongue.

Josh hummed softly, continuing his rhythm of fucking Tyler with his tongue.

The vibrations sent Tyler over the edge and he came with Josh's name on his lips.

Tyler continued grinding on Josh's face to ride out his high, eventually coming to a stop and looking down at Josh's face.

Josh licked his lips, moving a hand to gently rest on his hip.

“That was good.” Tyler mumbled, blushing lightly. He moved down to be eye level with Josh's dick.

Tyler gently removed the cockring, Josh hissing above him. Tyler gave him an apologetic smile before wrapping his fingers around Josh and jacking him off fast.

It took a couple of long strokes before Josh was coming, grunting loudly into his fist.

Tyler leaned over and grabbed tissues off the nightstand before cleaning up the mess.

Josh watched Tyler the entire time, getting his breathing back under control before talking.

“You got it on the pillow.” Josh said, smiling teasingly at him.

Tyler rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss his nose.

~

“Tyler, for the thousandth time, get up. I want a bath.”

Tyler clung onto Josh like a koala, arms and legs wrapped around his body.

“Josh, for the thousandth time, I told you, we'll take one tomorrow mornin’ when we wake up.” Tyler replied, mimicking Josh.

“So, we're gonna sleep at two forty two in the morning without a bath?”

“Yes.”

Josh huffed, resting his head back down and lazily throwing his arm across Tyler while his other played with his hair.

A few minutes go by and Josh speaks up. “I always wanted to be a doctor.”

Tyler's eyes remained close, but he smiled nonetheless. He knew Josh had dreams like that.

“Yeah? What stopped you?”

“My parents. My mom died from cancer and my dad was really sad over her. He ended up going in shock and joining her.”

Tyler frowned and gently tilted his head to look at Josh.

“It was a lot of pressure because I had my siblings to take care of. Their emotions got to them and they didn't listen to me, although I knew better than them. I found a way to make them listen, and that's by being controlling. I know, it's not the best option but it worked.”

Tyler felt Josh's muscles slightly tense and he rubbed his hands gently along Josh's chest, kissing his jaw to help relax him.

“They ended up leaving to do whatever the fuck. I, uh, went to drugs, that's where I was introduced to the whole mafia thing. I didn't do it for money, I did it because I was really hurt. I felt as if rebellion would help make me feel better, but it didn't. Because look at me now. Yes, I quit drugs and I've been clean for a while, but I turned into something emotionless.”

Tyler didn't know what to feel about this. He didn't know what to do with the new information.

 _His mom died of cancer. He wants me because I'm smart. Collin said he wanted to make drugs. Oh._  
  
“Collin didn't lie. When he said you had a lab, that was true-”

“And the whole thing with me wanting to make drugs for the black market is bullshit? Yeah, that's also true if that's what you're going to say.” Josh admitted, moving his gaze from Tyler to the ceiling.

“I wanted to find something to help cancer, and medicine is basically a drug so I just referred to medicine as that. Collin completely got the wrong idea.”

Tyler sat up but kept his hands around Josh. “I don't get it, though, why the mafia?”

“It's the easiest and fastest way to get different drugs to play with and understand. It was also easier for me to get a lot to experiment on. That's why we're not really a known, deadly, dangerous mafia, otherwise, we'd have police and the FBI on our ass.”

Tyler nodded, putting two and two together. “Oh, that's why it's only close people to you, that's why we never had a bad business, and that's why we don't have trouble.”

Josh gave a small hum. “You're really smart, ya know that?”

Tyler giggled, shrugging with a small blush coating his cheeks. “Still, why the whole contract and cryptic shit?”

“I needed to make it as believable as possible. I really was expecting you to get addicted to drugs which is why when I later offer you to make ‘drugs’ with me, you'll agree. That, of course, didn't happen because you're smart as fuck. You didn't let anything get through your head which made me want you more.”

Tyler frowned at the confession. He wasn't upset at Josh, he was just upset because he was so oblivious to everything.

“But my parents-”

“Tyler, you knew how they treated you. Still, I didn't kill them. Someone else did and I decided to take the blame, to once again, bring you here.”

Tyler's eyebrows furrowed. He took his hands off of Josh and moved off his body. “Then who did?”

“Collin. He had problems with your dad, I don't know the story, but I do know that he killed your mom to get your dad and then he killed him, too. He's smart, too, he knew it'd help me a lot and he knew I was gonna take the blame which is why he wasn't scared or worried.”

Tyler's mouth hung open. “I- _what_?”

Josh looked at Tyler finally. “That's the truth, those syringes that he showed you? These were my old tests, he simply just traced my handwriting to look like I wrote it.”

“How do you know what happened?”

“I forced it out of Ashley.”

Tyler nodded slowly, trying to process everything. _So she was there, Collin lied to me._

“What did Collin want, why did he do all this?” Tyler mumbled quietly, not trusting his voice.

“I never got the whole story, but from what I've collected, he wanted to do all this to, once again, go against your dad. He doesn't want any of the Joseph's here. And it'd make sense that he'd go after you, I mean you are the son.”

Tyler stared at Josh with wide, surprised eyes. “Wait, I'm confused, so who have you killed?”

“Only Collin.”

“So, I-I really did kill your brother for nothing, I-I'm sorry! I didn't kno-”

“It's okay, he left me anyway. Just like the rest.”

Tyler's eyes brimmed with tears. “But, I did such a big mistake! He didn't deserve to die! I f-fucked up badly!”

Josh shot up and carefully took Tyler's face in his hands. “Hey, it's okay. We all did mistakes. One thing led to another, it's my fault in the first place. Like I always say, don't dwell on the past, tomorrow you can start new. You can always start over.”

“B-but I killed two innocent people!”

“Lily was on Collin's side. I didn't kiss her, she kissed me because she _knew_ you were coming. I didn't have time to push her off, and I couldn't just say that it's not what you thought it was. Because then she'll know that I'm not really who I am. She'll know that all this is a cover up for my lab.”

Tyler went to open his mouth but Josh silenced him with his finger gently pressing against his lips. “I know, I know. I could've told you the truth later, but it was a tough situation because I knew you'd be caught in the heat of the moment and not believe me. You would've thought I was pulling excuses out of my ass and it probably wouldn't have made sense since you didn't know the story back then.”

Tyler's eyes remained wide on Josh. “Can we sleep? I need to rest. This is a bit too much."

Josh nodded, knowing they both needed sleep. He laid back down, pulling Tyler on top of him. He wrapped his arms protectively around Tyler and kissed his head.

A few minutes of silence pass before Tyler breaks it again.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“I wanna help you with your lab.”

Josh's eyes flew open and he stared down at Tyler in surprise and something that Tyler hasn't seen before. _Happiness_.

“Wha-really? You really wanna help? Like, actually come to the lab with me and help me with research?”

Tyler smiled and leaned up to peck his lips. _He tastes like the ocean waves._

“Yes, but on one condition.”

Josh was nodding so fast his head started spinning. “Anything.”

“You get rid of the mafia and stop this cryptic, dangerous thing. You'll have a normal lab to your mansion and I'll help you.”

“Consider it gone.” Josh replied, already coming up with a plan to tell his crew to leave, that this is over.

“Alright, then we can start tomorrow.”

Josh felt high on happiness. He waited all his life waiting to hear Tyler agree. Josh wiped his happy tears with the back of his sleeve. 

"Another thing."

Josh snapped his gaze down to Tyler and nodded for him to continue. 

"I take it back, I don't hate you."

Josh smiled, and this time, it reached his eyes. 

"I also take back saying I don't feel emotions, I'm still high with a little feeling." Josh admitted as well, feeling his heart swell up at the smile that Tyler returned. 

"Wanna start over tomorrow?"

"Of course."

 Tyler closed his eyes and fell asleep to Josh's heart beat and breathing, knowing there was no more fear or secrets. He could finally sleep well, along with Josh. 

He couldn't wait till the morning. And neither could Josh. 


	5. Six Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha y'all probs ain’t ready for this

Tyler woke up to a harsh slap on his cheek.

“What the hell?!”

Josh was looking back to him with wide eyes.

“Oh god, I'm so sorry! I've been trying to wake you up for the past ten minutes but you wouldn't wake up! I gave you a lot of kisses, I tried pouring water, I tried shaking you violently, nothing worked! I thought you passed out or something.”

Tyler pulled himself up and glared at Josh, cupping his cheek. “And hitting me is a good idea?”

Josh shook his head. “No, it's not good, but I mean it is effective because now you're awake.”

Tyler couldn't be mad at him, especially since this time, his apology was sincere. Or at least he looked sorry.

And Tyler knew he was a heavy sleeper so he didn't blame Josh either.

“What do you want me awake for?”

Josh smiled happily and sat next to Tyler. “Because, I got rid of the mafia. No more cryptic shit as you would say.”

Tyler's eyebrows shot up. How long was he asleep?

“What time is it?”

Josh glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “Four thirty three in the afternoon. Why?”

Tyler frowned. “Why didn't you wake me up earlier?”

Josh shrugged, patting Tyler's head reassuringly. “You looked pretty so I left you asleep.”

Tyler leaned into Josh's touch, letting his head fall against his chest. “What happened? What'd you do?”

Josh pressed a kiss to Tyler's temple. “Nothin’ special, told them what's up and told them to leave. They packed and left, except Jenna, she's still packing. Other than that, the mansion is to ourselves.

Tyler tilted his head in confusion. “That simple? Nothing dramatic?”

Tyler really was expecting something bad to happen. He didn't believe it was that easy to end it.

“Yeah, babe. That simple, like I said, it wasn't anything official so we didn't need to get rid of anything serious. And to be honest, you're the only person that's dramatic, so yes. Nothing dramatic happened because we aren't all Tyler Joseph.”

The brunette pouted, pulling away to frown at Josh. “Now you're just being mean.”

“Am I?”

“Yes.”

Josh laughed and got up, holding his hand out for Tyler to take.

“Get your hand out of my face.”

Josh rolled his eyes, dropping his hand. “Fine. Get up on your own then.”

Josh realized that Tyler was probably one of those people to be in a bad mood upon waking up so he wasn't going to push him.

Tyler glared at him. “I will. I'm independent and I don't need no man.”

Tyler pushed himself up, immediately wrapping one of Josh's blankets around himself when he noticed he was still naked.

Josh grinned at him teasingly.

“Josh, you're making my day so hard.”

Tyler shuffled awkwardly around Josh and went to look around.

Josh noticed.

“What are you lookin’ for?”

“Your closet, I want clothes.”

Josh hummed and pointed to the corner. “Right there. Do you want somethin’ to eat later?”

Tyler shook his head at the question, opening his closet and looking for something that was cozy.

“No.”

“Want something to drink?”

“No.”

Josh paused, frowning. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

Josh sighed. He knew that Tyler will come to him if he needed something. Maybe he just needs time like yesterday.

“Okay, baby-”

“I just really think it's funny how you wanna be a dick after such a good and sensual night. I was expecting to wake up to a good breakfast and lots of kisses, but all I got was a comment about me being dramatic.” Tyler pulled one of Josh's sweatshirts over his head and turned around to look at Josh with a blank expression.

Josh stared back at Tyler, using all his physical power to not laugh. “Your first comment. Was that a pun?”

Tyler returned the blanket to the bed before standing in front of Josh with crossed arms. “This isn't a good time for a joke.”

Josh sighed for what felt like the millionth time that hour. “Okay, I tried waking you up with kisses but that was useless. I asked what you wanna eat and you said you don't want anything. What am I supposed to do, Ty? Besides, the comment wasn't supposed to come off as negative or an insult.”

Tyler shook his head, not convinced. “Well, I took it as an insult, maybe you need to change your tone next time so people know when you're serious or not.”

Josh looked at Tyler with furrowed eyebrows. “Tyler, there was nothing wrong with my tone.”

“There is now.”

“You're really kind of pushing me right now. I said I'm sorry and that my intention wasn't bad, what else do you want?”

“For you to be better.” Tyler snapped back, tugging down the sleeves of the sweatshirt.

“What's wrong with me right now, Tyler?”

“You're too pissy.”

Josh bit his tongue so hard to not say anything out of his frustration. He didn't want to say anything from the heat of the moment.

“I'll be in the basement if you need me.” Josh muttered, hurrying out of the room. He was happy to come out of his shell and be ‘normal’ again and he wasn't going to let Tyler's attitude affect his mood.

If Tyler wants to be bitchy then he can, Josh just wasn't going to sit around and watch him.

~

Tyler went through and cleaned the rooms, not wanting to stay in a place where it wasn't clean and tidy.

After that, Tyler made lunch and sat with Jenna a final time before she announced she's leaving to visit her family.

Now Tyler was running around trying to find the way to the basement. He thought about screaming, but he knew Josh was most likely not going to hear him.

He sat down in the living room, a cigarette between his lips. Jenna didn't like that he asked for cigarettes, but she was trying to get rid of the packet so she handed it over to Tyler, with a long lecture on how it's unhealthy.

Tyler nodded along to her, but he knew that he wasn't going to listen, it's not like he was smoking an unhealthy amount.

Josh felt sad when hours passed by without a trace of Tyler. He really didn't think he was that upset to leave Josh.

He climbed the stairs up, leaving his lab behind.

“Josh.”

Josh's head snapped around and he looked at Tyler's head poking from the couch. “Tyler.”

“You didn't tell me where the basement is. I didn't know how to get to you so I hung around here.”

Josh smiled apologetically, walking over to where Tyler was and sitting down next to him. He couldn't stand for a long time because of his knee.

“Sorry, I thought the door would poke out beneath the carpet and you'd be able to feel it if not see it.”

Tyler shrugged, sucking on the cigar for a few seconds before blowing out the smoke. “It's fine. I should've asked.”

Josh looked at him, eyes darting over his face. They were sitting in a comfortable silence and Josh took that time to study small details of Tyler. Like how his lips were parted most of the time, how his eyelashes touch his cheeks when they flutter, how he always seemed to have his brows furrowed, and how he constantly tugged on his sleeves.

“You're staring.” Tyler said, turning around to smile at him. “It looks like you wanna drink me up.”

Josh chuckled, moving to pull the cigarette away from Tyler's lips. He set it down on the ashtray, shifting so he was facing Tyler. “No, I just wanna kiss you.”

Tyler giggled quietly, throwing his arms around Josh's neck. “You're nice like this.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno, like soft, you're not violent. And, uh, you're kinda showing emotion and affection towards me.”

Josh smiled genuinely at him. “There's nothing to hide anymore. There's no reason to have walls around me anymore. I don’t have to prove myself.”

Tyler laughed, rubbing his hands along Josh's shoulders. “This is how you are? Teasing and fun?”

Josh nodded, leaning down to press his lips against Tyler's.

Josh took Tyler by surprise and a small squeak escaped his lips. Josh swallowed it down.

Tyler tightened his grip around Josh and gently nibbled on Josh's bottom lip.

Josh cupped Tyler's face in his hands and licked into his mouth, enjoying the way Tyler was pressing against him.

Tyler pulled away a few seconds later, breathing heavily. He rested his forehead against Josh and smiled contently.

Josh moved his arms to wrap around Tyler's waist and keep him in place.

“What were you like in high school?” Tyler asked, breaking the silence.

“Your typical asshole jock.”

Tyler chuckled quietly at that, having expected him to be like that. “Yeah, with the your whole look, I didn't really think you were one of those quiet, innocent people.”

Josh gave a slight hum of agreement, knowing he probably gave off a bad vibe. He was nice though, only if he knew you well and liked you.

“What ‘bout you, sweetheart? What were you like in high school?”

“I was the school slut.”

Josh laughed loudly, not being able to hold his laughter down. “Really? Give me an example. How bad was it?”

Tyler shrugged, giving Josh a serious look. “It was bad. I'd skip class to blow someone, I'm always gone at lunch because I'm getting fucked. Always late because I was busy getting someone off. The best part was that I even jacked people off at class.”

Josh fell into a fit of giggles, not being able to control himself nor having the control to take him seriously. “Jesus Christ, and I thought I was the fuckin’ shit for sleeping around at parties.”

“I just love sex, there's no other explanation or excuse.”

“I like sex, too, but damn.”

Tyler giggled shyly, playfully shoving Josh off and getting up. “Let's see your lab. C’mon.”

“I have two.”

“Two?”

Josh nodded motioning upstairs. “The last door that’s locked is where I do research, basement is where I experiment.”

Tyler’s mouth formed an ‘O’ shape. He did notice that it was locked but he assumed someone was in there or something among these lines.

“Okay, let’s see both, then.”

Josh still couldn’t grasp the fact that the ‘fight’ was over and he has Tyler now.

“I still can’t believe you agreed.”

“I still can’t believe you’re someone else.”

Josh stared at Tyler. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re not the ‘boss person’.”

“I’m all types of confused.”

“I mean, the act that you put on, the character. That’s not real, you’re actually nice and fun.”

Josh gave a small nod, not wanting to go in depth. He didn’t really like his past.

“Oh, my god! Josh!”

Josh almost gave himself whiplash turning around and looking at Tyler. “What? Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

Josh was searching Tyler frantically, looking for any signs of injury.

Tyler pulled himself away and laughed. “No, I was just gonna say that you’re like a scientist.”

“So, you screamed bloody murder for that?”

“Uh, yes?”

Josh’s eyes rolled and he turned back around to unlock the door.

“Where’s the key?” Tyler asked, moving so he was next to Josh’s side.

Josh glanced at him through the corner of his eye. “There’s no key.”

Tyler looked at him with confusion. “How do you open-“

“Babe. Look down at my hands. What’re they doing?”

Tyler’s eyes traveled to Josh’s hand. He looked at the door code system attached to the wood before looking up at Josh again. “You have to enter a code.”

Josh nodded. “Exactly, since there’s a code, that means I don’t really need a key, now do I?”

The brunette eyed Josh warily. He didn’t like that Josh was talking to him like a kid studying a new thing.

“No, you don’t. But can I ask why you’re using that tone with me?”

Josh’s fingers pressed against the digit and a soft click was heard. “What tone? I’m not using any-“

“You were talking to me like I have a hard time understanding!”

Josh leaned up and opened the door before turning to face Tyler.

_Here we go again. Christ, he can’t go a day without picking something with me. And I thought I got irritated too easily._

Josh cocked an eyebrow. “But, darlin’ you didn’t understand me.”

“Doesn’t mean you talk to me like I’m not bright.”

“Tyler, stop taking my comments and making them negative. It’s a habit of mine to talk slow and demonstrate things when people don’t understand me, okay? It's not you. It’s never been you.”

Tyler rolled his eyes. Josh was never clear with his expressions and words and it drove Tyler insane.

“Obviously it’s not me. Even if it was me, you wouldn’t admit. You’re too scared of me leaving therefore you’ll blame everything on yourself so I wouldn’t snap and leave.”

Josh took a step back. “That’s not true-“

“It was me just right now. But you decided to blame yourself for being ‘slow and demonstrative’ so I wouldn’t get upset.”

Tyler raised his eyebrows expectantly when Josh didn’t reply.

Josh closed the door and stood in front Tyler.

“I’m tired of your shit,” Josh calmly said, his eyes boring into Tyler’s face. “I did everything I can to get better, for me and for you. I try to stay out of fights and arguments, but you make it so hard because you just won’t drop it. I try to be positive but it’s fucking difficult when you’re constantly digging to find something to bother me with.”

Tyler opened his mouth, but he closed it seconds later.

Josh chuckled humorlessly. “And I’m pretty sure, the only reason you agreed to stay around is because I showed affection.”

Tyler went to speak but Josh pressed his finger against his lips. “The moment was just so perfect you wanted it to be more. You knew it’d make me happy. You knew I’d be attached to you later, which is why you took advantage of the moment.”

Tyler moved Josh’s finger to talk but Josh clasped his hand around his mouth. He wanted to finish talking before Tyler goes to denial mode.

“And the ‘I don’t hate you anymore’ is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard. You can’t just forgive me that easily and like me. Once again, you knew it’d affect me so you said it. To me and for the sake of keeping the moment special. You can’t possibly like me. Because I’m still lying to you.”

Tyler shoved Josh’s hand away and took a step back. “Still lying to me?”

“I’m lying to you because I’m pretending to care. I don’t care, I never did and I probably won’t. I’m playing the same game you’re playing. I know you’d kill for someone’s love and attention. Which is why I took advantage of this.”

Tyler has never felt more hurt. He has never felt this many emotions hit him this hard before, either.

Josh smiled. “You think you’re the only one who knows how to read people? You think just because I want you with me in the lab that means you have a brain of a Renaissance philosopher? Yeah, well, you thought wrong. You brought me out of my shell and I am actually grateful to you for that, but other than that, you don’t mean shit to me.”

Tyler stared at Josh with wide eyes and parted lips. “I can’t believe you-the past nights meant nothing to you?”

Josh nodded.

“I thought it was clear that I don’t do love.”

Tyler didn’t blink. He fell for him, again. He really couldn’t trust him. All this meant nothing to him. _Nothing_.

Tyler turned around and started walking, stopping at the stairs to look back at Josh. “You’re a piece of shit and no type of drug can make you happy, I hope you fuckin’ know that. No matter what you accomplish, with that mindset of yours, you won’t be _happy_.”

Tyler’s word sliced through Josh. He gaped at Tyler, for once, being affected by his words.

Josh looked down at his feet, sighing quietly. _That hurt. He really does have a way with words. Jenna didn’t lie when she said he was ruining it for both of us._

Josh skittered himself over to the stairs and watched Tyler walk down quickly.

Josh hurried after him, moving to grab his wrist.

“Tyler, fuck. I’m sorry.”

Josh said quickly, not knowing what to say. He couldn’t let Tyler leave.

“Cut the bullshit. You just admitted what a fucking horrible person you are, I don’t care-“

“You told me to promise you to not leave. Why are you leaving me?”

Tyler ripped his wrist away from Josh, not turning around to look at him. He couldn’t and he refused to.

“Ty, I didn’t mean to say that. I really-you kept pushing me-I kept telling you multiple times, but-fuck, I don’t wanna lose you.” Josh rambled quickly, moving to stand in front of Tyler.

He turned and faced the other direction.

“Tyler, please. I promise I didn’t mean any of that. I-I kinda knew the words would hurt you so I said that. I’m being honest.”

Tyler ignored him, moving to take of Josh’s sweatshirt and shove it in his chest. “I gave you a lot of chances, it’s just not healthy anymore. Go on with your life and I’ll go on with mine.”

“Ty, pleas-“

“Josh, I’m not any better than you. I’m just as bad, let’s just move on, okay? Good luck with your research.”

“Fuck my research. I want you, Ty, I don’t want you to leave. Come on, please. You can stay here with me, and we’ll start a life, I’ll support you in any job you want. I’ll help you, I promis-“

Tyler shook his head, cutting Josh off. “This won’t work, next thing you know one of us will snap. _This won’t work._ ”

Josh stepped in front of Tyler again, cupping his face. “We can make it work. We’re not that bad for each other-“

Tyler moved away from Josh’s grasp. “Why don’t you want me to leave?”

Josh fiddled with his fingers nervously. “You changed me, and I did feel strong emotions with you. I-I guess you could say I was happy.”

“You’re not happy.”

“But I was! I still am, Tyler. You need to understand that this is new to me, okay? I’ve been closed for years, you gotta know that I can’t simply be the perfect human being.”

Tyler sighed, rubbing his arms slowly. “If that’s the case, then you should focus on finding yourself. Find yourself and then come find me.”

Josh’s eyes darted around in panic. “That’ll be at least a few years!”

Tyler smiled softly. “Then I’ll wait. I won’t change my number. I’ll keep you saved in my contacts. When you’re new, text me and we’ll meet up again.”

“But, I can't-“

“You can. You’ve come far, don’t stop now. If it’s me, then I’ll still be here. Call if you need me.”

This time, Josh didn’t bother stopping Tyler from walking out of the door.

~

It’s been six years since Tyler last saw Josh.

It’s been six years and twenty two days since he last touched him.

Tyler would always keep his phone around, in case the name Josh pops up in his notifications.

He’d always look around, looking for the bright yellow curls.

Tyler gave up after four years of absolutely no sign of the man that Tyler felt for deep in his heart.

It was the weekend, and Tyler was wasting his time browsing around the mall, wanting to buy something that reminded him of a certain man.

He was over him, but he still liked small things that reminded him of Josh.

Soft, champagne colored blankets. Tyler liked those. And Josh.

“Tyler!” His head snapped around. Jenna.

Tyler gave a soft smile and engulfed the blonde in a hug. “Missed you lots.”

Jenna pulled back and dramatically wiped her eyes.

“Gosh! Look at you, all grown up and shit, you used to be a baby. My baby.”

Tyler laughed softly at his friend’s energy and excitement.

“Nothing major changed. Just my attitude.”

Jenna nodded moving to walk around Tyler in a full circle to get a full view of him. “Yup, nothing changed. You just look more mature and you’re more quiet and laid back. I like it.”

Tyler took a minute to look at Jenna. She’s the same, but she looked taller.

“How have you been?”

Jenna shrugged pointing to a salon next to them. “I work with my sisters and friends in that salon. I saw you pass by and I had to get you.”

Tyler spun to look at where Jenna was pointing. He grinned. “Wanna do my nails?”

Jenna gasped, grabbing Tyler by the shoulder and tugging him along.

“So, what do you want?” Jenna asked after she’s settled Tyler down in a chair and gave him a small shoulder massage.

“Acrylics. Stiletto shape. For design, I was thinking something along the theme of elegance. Maybe soft nude colors. Oh, and somethin’ dramatic, too.”

Jenna hummed quietly, sitting down in the stool in front of him and the table. “You know, that really reminds me of Josh. He liked stuff like that. Bren still teases him about it.”

She gently buffed Tyler’s nails, looking up at him for a quick second.

“You do remember Josh, right?”

Tyler nodded weakly, pushing every thought to the back of his head. He couldn’t do this right now.

“I saw him the other day and let me tell you,” the blonde girl pressed down the fake nail onto his real one, looking at him again. “He looked so healthy and well rested. It shocked me, I’ve never seen him so pretty. It looked like he went through a different world and came back. And when he smiled, I felt my heart melt. He breaks my heart, to be honest. He could’ve been this happy and healthy from the beginning.”

Tyler stared down at his nails, nodding along.

“All that good stuff, but he still looked lost. Like he’s looking for something.”

His eyes snapped up to gaze at his friend. “Lost…?”

“Yeah, ya know, he’s constantly zoning out, his eyes dart a lot. But whatever, that shit don’t matter because he looks so damn healthy.”

Tyler nodded again, eyes closing briefly for a second. “W-when was this?”

“Couple ‘a months ago.”

“After that you didn’t see him at all?”

“I’d barely see him, but he’s been traveling a lot.”

“What makes you say that?”

“He tells Brendon and Brendon often tells me. He said Josh likes adventures and photography. So I’m assuming he’s traveling for pictures.”

Jenna had the fake nails laid and she waved with her hand over his hands, wanting them to dry.

“What about you? How have you been? I regret not giving you my number.”

Tyler chuckled fakely, not wanting to seem down. “Nothing, really, just minding my business.”

“Do you work?”

“Yeah. I work with designing things-”

“Like places or houses or…?”

“Variety, carpets, floors, walls. Anything really.”

Jenna giggled excitedly. “That’s cool, where do you work?”

“With my uncle. He owns the building and I often spend my time with him. He’s cool, kinda reminds me of my brother.”

Jenna gripped Tyler’s hands, huffing when he’d move. “Tyler, you’re making your life and mine hard. Keep your hand still.”

Tyler looked down at his hand, quickly apologizing. “Sorry, got a bad habit of not staying still. I have to move somethin’ in my body.”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

“Hurry up with my nails. I wanna get lunch with you.”

Jenna rolled her eyes, playfully smacking his arm. “Keep still and I’ll be done in no time.”

That’s how Tyler spent his following week, hanging out with Jenna and catching up because he had to distract himself.

Tyler found himself leaning on his hand, half asleep at work. He was sitting at the front desk, his job being to greet people and show them a couple of designs to grab their interest.

So far, he had only a few people since they just opened.

Tyler yawned, his eyes fluttering shut.

Josh has been itching to get his house redesigned. He’s finally deciding to settle down from photography for a couple of months and what better time to design his house?

Josh found himself in a cute building, liking how comfortable and welcoming it looked.

He looked around the walls, not noticing the front desk.

Josh cocked his head in confusion when he saw a guy’s head, in between his arms possibly asleep.

He walked over and stood there for a few seconds.

Josh reached out and gently shook him, jumping back when the man’s head shot up.

“Huh? Yeah, how can I hel-” Tyler’s throat closed around his words and swallowed them down.

He stared up at Josh, mouth open.

Josh was the first one to react, moving around the desk and pulling Tyler from his chair into a bone crushing hug. His grip was so tight, it seemed as if Tyler would float away if he let go.

“I missed you.” Josh whispered, burying his face in Tyler’s shoulder. “I missed you so much.”

Tyler’s arms stayed by his side, not knowing what to do. _Six years._ Tyler felt Josh’s breath on his neck. _Six years without him, now he’s here? Looking better than ever? Wow. Life’s just working for me._

Josh pulled back, staring at Tyler for a few seconds. “You look just as pretty, if not prettier.” Josh wrapped himself around Tyler again. “God, I’ve missed you.”

Tyler swallowed thickly before his arms slowly wrapped around Josh. He forgot everything bad Josh had done, except one thing.

“ _You didn’t call, Josh.”_

 


	6. Memory

Josh pulled back, looking at Tyler with all seriousness and resting his hands on Tyler’s shoulders.

“I was going to! I swear! I was going to call you and tell you about my new passion for photography but that’s when I realized I had lost my phone when I traveled to Honolulu. I got a new phone and everything was gone. I asked Brendon and Jenna, but none had your number! I swear to you Tyler, even without your number, I was looking for you. I didn’t give up. I never gave up.”

Tyler looked at Josh, eyes darting all over his face. He didn’t know what to feel.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Josh.”

Josh’s face fell slightly. Why was Tyler cold towards him?

“You could tell me how you’ve been! I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to, too.” Josh’s smile returned and he excitedly squeezed Tyler’s shoulders.

“I’m at work right now.”

Josh kept the smile on his face although he felt like curling up and disappearing. He didn’t like how bored Tyler was with him.

“Yeah, after work. I’ll take you to lunch.”

Tyler shook his head, declining Josh’s offer. He was over Josh, he didn’t miss him like he used to.

He knew how toxic Josh was and he didn’t care if a few years passed, he didn’t feel comfortable with him.

“Sorry, bro. I promised Jenna to go out with her to lunch.”

“That’s completely fine! Maybe for dinn-”

Tyler shook his head. “No, I’m gonna be with Jenna the whole day.”

Josh’s eyes fell. His smile slowly faded and he nodded. “Okay. When are you free?”

Tyler shrugged, stepping out of Josh’s embrace. “I dunno.”

Josh sighed softly, dropping his hands. If Tyler didn’t want him then he won’t force him into anything. He was just sad that Tyler didn’t even bother to pretend to care.

He assumed this is what he deserves for the past.

Still, after everything and all these years, he wanted Tyler. He needed him desperately.

The thought of losing Tyler almost bought him to tears. He blinked a couple of times and looked down at their feet.

Even the silence hurt Josh.

Josh sucked it up, though.

“I’m wanting to redesign my house, I was wondering if you had something along the colors of soft brown nude colors with like, floral designs?”

Tyler felt his heart fall out of his ass.

He couldn’t believe Josh still liked that kind of thing. That’s probably the only thing Tyler genuinely loved and missed about the man.

“Of course! It’s one of my favorites! Something along the theme of elegance, right?”

Josh’s eyes watered and he quickly wiped his face with his sleeves before Tyler could see him.

“Y-yeah.” Josh whispered, voice slightly broken.

He wanted to sit with Tyler and talk for hours under the night sky. He wanted to cuddle him and watch scary movies. He wanted to wake up early and cook him breakfast and then wake him up with kisses. He wanted to fall asleep to his breathing.

Josh didn’t realize he was crying until Tyler’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Are you okay?” Tyler asked, concern dripping from his tongue. He didn’t need to guess to why Josh was crying.

Josh sniffled, nodding. “I’ll come back another time.” He choked out, wiping his eyes harshly with his sleeve before turning around quickly and walking out.

Tyler stood there, shocked. That’s the first time he’s seen such emotion on Josh. That’s the most he’s seen him emotional.

That’s when it hit Tyler that he didn’t know Josh. He didn’t know Josh besides the fact that he liked soft brown colors.

Tyler couldn’t judge Josh on something that wasn’t him. But he also didn’t want to get hurt again.

His mind spun with thoughts and he sat back down, head in hands.

~

“Josh, it’s okay, he’s probably just shocked. Don’t take it personally. His attitude changed to more quiet and laid back, he was like that towards me, too. I’m sure he missed you just as much.”

Jenna has been trying to comfort Josh for the past hour since he came in bawling his eyes out.

Josh was sprawled out on her couch, constantly dabbing his eyes with tissues.

“I lost him. I lost everything. I spent years changing, bettering myself for nothing. I’m telling you. Nothing.”

Jenna shot him an apologetic look, gently patting his head. “It’s only the first day. Don’t cry, J, come on. You’ve been crying for an hour, you’re so dehydrated. Why don’t you drink water and talk with me? You can show me your photos.”

Josh shifted and buried his face in Jenna’s thigh, soft sobs escaping his lips. “I wan’ him Jenna, I want him so bad. All my pictures remind me of him. I took the prettiest pictures to one day show him, but now he won’t see them. I miss him. If I don’t have him then I’ll die. I’ll actually die. I feel like my heart will just sto-”

Josh was cut off by his vision going dizzy and Jenna’s voice being distant.

Jenna sensed the suddenly shift and pulled Josh’s head back.

He was met with her wide eyes looking at him with concern.

Josh was concerned for himself, too.

“Josh, are you okay? Your eyes are so dilated.”

Josh nodded slowly, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“I feel really lightheaded, f-fuck.” Josh muttered, his eyes fluttering closed.

Jenna’s breath quickened in panic and she gripped Josh’s shoulder, shaking him slightly. “Hey, it’s okay. Just deep breaths, you’re probably just dehydrated. Nothing's wrong, please, calm down, J. It’ll be alright.”

She was proud of herself for being so content and not freaking out as well.

Josh nodded again, resting his head back and breathing heavily. His breath hitched in his throat and he wiped his nose for the hundredth time.

A door knock was heard and then Tyler’s chirpy voice. “Jenna! I baked you cupcakes! They’re your favorite, red velvet!”

Tyler walked into the living room and his smile fell. Josh was practically dead on the couch with Jenna gripping his hand.

Jenna shook her head and motioned for Tyler to not say anything. He slowly sat down and set the cupcakes on the coffee table.

“I think I heard his voice, did you? Or am I actually going crazy?” Josh whispered, his eyes sealed shut. He was scared to open his eyes, he felt sick.

“I didn’t hear anything, J. Let’s just sleep, okay? Wanna take a nap?”

Josh didn’t say anything. He just moved so he was laying down, facing the couch. “Okay. Hopefully I’ll feel better.”

Jenna pressed a reassuring kiss to his temple and nodded. “Of course. You’ll be awake in no time. You’ll be okay, just no more crying, okay?”

“Okay.”

Tyler watched with surprised eyes. He cocked his head and Jenna motioned to the kitchen when she made sure Josh was asleep.

He nodded and got up along with Jenna and walked to the kitchen.

“What’s happ-”

“What the actual fuck did you do to him?”

Tyler stared dumbly at her. “Nothing? He came in at work and we talked.”

Jenna sighed and leaned against the counter. “He came in bawling his eyes out. I didn’t know what to do, he kept mentioning you over and over and he was about to pass out.”

Tyler shrugged, looking back at the living room where Josh was asleep.

“It ain’t my fault I don’t love him no more.”

Jenna’s brows furrow in confusion. “How could you love him when you never knew him?”

“That was the mistake. I’m not doing it again. He can die for all I care.”

Jenna shoved Tyler’s shoulder, glaring at him. “Don’t fucking say that. Just because you moved on doesn’t mean he hasn’t. He moved on and changed. Should’ve seen the way he was talking about you. It seemed like you put the stars in the sky because of how highly he was talking about you. I don’t give a fuck if you lost your feelings for him, you will not use that to your advantage. I will punch you into another world if you do anything to hurt him on purpose.”

Tyler raised his hands up in defense. “I’m not even looking at him. Stop attacking me for not loving someone.”

“I’m not attacking you. All I’m saying is don’t do anything to hurt him on purpose. He’s already like, half dead. Last time I saw him, he was so healthy. When he walked in today, he looked worse than he did six years ago. I almost didn’t recognize him. Please, Ty. For me, for me don’t hurt him.”

Tyler sighed and nodded. “I won’t do anything. Hopefully he’ll move on and find someone that loves him back.”

Tyler wanted to be the person to love him back, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to smile when he looks at him. Tyler didn’t know how to feel his heart melt at the sight of him.

“I wanna love him. I want my heart to quicken when I see him, but I don’t feel that spark anymore. I don’t love him like I used to.”

The blonde girl ran a hand through her hair. “There’s nothing anyone can do. Let’s just give it a few days, okay?”

Tyler gave a small nod.

Jenna grabbed his arm and gently tugged.

“Let’s go watch a movie silently.”

Tyler and Jenna returned to the living room, seeing Josh in the same position.

Jenna frowned and sat down, wrapping her arms around Tyler and curling up against him.

Tyler stole a quick glance at Josh before throwing a lazy arm around Jenna’s shoulders.

They watched about five movies before they grew tired and felt dead from how long they’ve been sitting down.

Jenna turned off the TV while Tyler was staring at Josh.

Tyler was the first to notice. “Wait, Josh hasn’t moved and you said he almost passed out-”

Jenna shot up and scurried to where Josh was.

She shook him as calmly as she can. “Josh? Wake up.”

Josh didn’t move. Jenna grew more panicked.

“Josh? You slept for almost six hours, wanna wake up?”

No response.

Tyler slowly walked over to Josh. He ran his fingers through his hair and gently tugged. “Josh?”

Jenna rolled Josh onto his back and found his mouth slightly parted.

“Fuck,” she cursed loudly, pulling out her phone and calling her friend who was a doctor.

~

“Is he okay?!” Jenna yelled once she saw Tatum walk out of Josh’s room. That didn’t grab any attention, considering the waiting room was practically empty.

Tatum sighed quietly. “He’s passed out, but it’s been a while. If he doesn’t walk up in the next hour then he’s goink to go in a coma, which'll probably cost him his memory.”

Jenna cupped her mouth and she stared at her friend wide eyed. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Jen. This could’ve been avoided if he wasn’t drinking that much in the past. That alcohol ruined his body.”

Tyler’s jaw dropped from seat he was in. _Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck. This isn’t good. At all._

Jenna came back with a blank expression on her face. “I don’t wanna lose him. I feel like shit. I can’t believe something has to happen to him for me to realize how much he means to me.”

Tyler nodded. He agreed. He knew deep down he cared for Josh. He knew deep down he’d never forgive himself if Josh left upset with him, even if he didn’t like him anymore.

For once, Tyler felt his eyes brim with tears. Angry tears.

“He left me. Again.”

Jenna rolled her eyes, bitter tears in her eyes. “More like you fucking left him.”

Tyler looked at her and blinked slowly. “He’ll wake up. He has to. He’s strong. I believe in him. He’s such a strong man, he’ll make it. Right?”

Jenna stayed quiet. She knew what Tyler meant. She knew that Tyler meant losing himself in his memories when he said he won’t make it.

She also understood Tyler’s pleading tone.

“Jenna. He’ll be okay. Right? Please say something.”

“We’ll be okay.”

“No, I’m talking about Josh. He’ll be okay, r-right?”

Jenna looked at Tyler with hopeless eyes. “I’m hoping so.”

Just then, Tatum stepped in, giving a reassuring smile.

“He just woke up. And he’s mumbling about a Tyler. Is that you?” She asked, pointing to Tyler.

Jenna’s breath hitched and she turned to look at Tyler.

Tyler’s bottom lip quivered.

“ _No_ , I don’t know who Tyler is.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said that I love plot twists


	7. Anesthesia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect anything from me at this point to be honest

Jenna stared at Tyler when he said he didn’t know who he was.

She knew that he didn’t want Josh to remember. She knew that Tyler was secretly happy because he doesn’t have to worry about Josh’s feelings anymore.

But she didn’t know he’d go as far as not admit who he was just to not have the doctor tell him to go see him.

“Well, you can see him if you want. Either way he’ll be able to leave tomorrow. We’ll keep him overnight to make sure he’s perfectly okay.” Tatum gave them another sweet smile before walking away.

Tyler got up immediately, but he wasn’t walking in the direction to Josh's room.

“Ty, where are you going?”

“Home? He’s awake. So, I’m going home. If he’s awake then he should be fine.”

Jenna’s gaze sharpened on him. “What the actual fuck?”

She stood up and followed him, grabbing his wrist to stop him from moving.

“Visiting him while he’s sick won’t automatically make you in love with him. It’s called being a decent fucking person, Tyler.”

Tyler looked at Jenna before tugging his wrist away. “It’s not that I don’t wanna fall in love with him, it’s because I don’t wanna see him. He’ll remind me that it’s my fault.”

“Your fault for what?”

Tyler gave her a weak smile. “I changed him. I showed him love, but I didn’t do it the right way.”

Jenna cocked her head in confusion. “This isn’t a fucking dramatic sad movie, stop being damn confusing.”

He sighed softly. “I don’t like looking at my mistakes.”

Jenna tugged on his arm pleadingly. “You can’t just leave him. Tyler, after six years you don’t just crumble someone and throw them away.”

Tyler shook his head again. “I don’t repeat my mistakes twice-”

“Then repeat the mistake five or six times to make sure you actually learn,” Jenna snapped, pulling Tyler the opposite direction. “You’re gonna go visit him.”

Tyler pulled his hand away roughly and took a few steps back. “I don’t wanna see him! Josh isn’t in love with me, he’s in love with the idea of me! He’s in love with the idea that I’d fucking marry him and be in the same damn house that he’s gonna design with those goddamned champagne colored flowers! But that won’t happen, because guess what? This is fucking reality, this isn’t a movie where everything will be okay in the end. I don’t love him and I never will! He messed me up just as bad as I fucked him over! This will not happen, understand? It. Won’t. Happen.”

Tyler made sure to put emphasis on his last words. He also made sure that he spoke slow and clear.

“Tyler, I-”

“He created an entire lie that branched into other lies. He killed people. He risked my life. Just to have me do something for him that he knew wouldn’t work. He knew the lab was a shitty idea, but he still risked it. _It’s all about the risk.”_

Tyler stared at Jenna, searching her eyes for emotions before continuing. “Then I ruined his plans so he resorts to a different plan. That doesn’t work either. When he realizes that I can’t be outsmarted, he gives up. How can I even look at the direction of someone like that? How can he love someone that constantly destroys his mental health? Exactly. It doesn’t work. That’s why I’m saying he’s in love with the idea of me. He also doesn’t miss me. He misses the thought of me.”

By now, Tyler was sitting down, Jenna next to him with her arm around his shoulder.

She couldn’t argue. He was right. Or at least he made sense.

“What do you want then? What do you want to happen, Tyler?” Jenna asked softly, turning around to face him completely. She needed an answer to know what to do.

The stress was killing her.

Tyler stared at nothing. It took him a couple of minutes to finally sum up an answer.

“I wanna forget him.”

Tyler’s words didn’t surprise Jenna. Nothing that came out of his mouth surprised her anymore so she just nodded understandingly.

“Chances are he probably forgot us, including his past. I’m gonna start over again with him but you can leave. He won’t remember you.”

Tyler let out a small breath and stood up. “He forgot me. Time to forget him.”

~

“Ya know, I really wanna take a psychology class. Maybe philosophy, too.”

Jenna looked up from cutting tomatoes. She looked at Josh with a smile. “Yeah? What makes you want it?”

Josh shrugged, swirling his smoothie with a straw. “I love the human brain.”

Jenna chuckled. “Cliche.”

“No, but really. What makes others think differently? What makes someone believe in chances while someone else doesn’t? What makes someone believe in love while another doesn’t? Why do some people hate their thoughts while others don’t?”

“Don’t know, J. Maybe you could answer these when you become a psychologist.”

Josh shook his head, smiling happily at her. “I’d love to be a surgeon.”

“You’ve never talked about that.”

Josh sighed. “I mean, you did say I lose my memory so I don’t remember stuff, but I do remember finishing, like, two of the three requirements. I’ve already finished four years of uni and four years of medical school. I just need three more years in residency.”

Jenna eyed him with surprise. “What else do you remember, Josh?”

He sipped quietly on his drink before smiling.

“Uh, I’m Joshua William Dun. My family is gone, I went through high school and university, I like biology, I’m twenty seven years old, I remember a bit about you and the some other friends but, like I don’t remember specific things like favorites and events from like months ago. I dunno.”

Jenna went back to cutting up vegetables. “Good luck with your studies.”

Josh grinned. “I’ll be cutting up people in no time.”

Jenna rolled her eyes at his pun, glancing at him a final time. “Well, good luck with that, too. I’ll make sure to hide sharp things.”

Josh laughed breathlessly. “I’m gonna be the type of surgeon to stay with the patient and be friends with them. I love helping people.”

 _Ironic_. Jenna bit her lip in thought. _But then again, I do believe in second chances and he’s an amazing human being. He’s sweet, too._

It’s been two months since Josh left the hospital. Jenna built their friendship again and helped Josh a lot.

He was forever thankful for everything that she’s done.

That made him realize how important friends are.

~

Three years and two months later, Josh was knocking excitedly on his best friend’s door. “Jenna! Jenna! Jenna! Jenna! Jenn-”

The door flung open and Jenna looked like she ran across the country. “What? Is everything okay?!”

Josh nodded happily, holding up his surgeon certificate. “See? I told you, I’ll be cutting people up! Look, Jen. I made it!”

Jenna looked at the paper in Josh’s hand. The man really could do anything he put his mind to.

It shocked Jenna how smart and determined he was.

She knew he was studying, but she didn’t actually think he was serious.

“When do you start?” Jenna asked, stepping aside to let Josh inside.

“Any time. But I’ll do training first. Can’t be killing people now.”

Jenna laughed at the irony, but she reminded herself that was nine years ago. Josh was a new man. With his piercings out and freshly buzzed hair as well as the new job.

“Josh?”

“Hm?”

“Have I told you how proud I am of you?”

Josh smiled adoringly at her. “Your support is enough, really.”

Few months later, Josh had another surgery to perform. He wasn’t worried. It was something simple, plus it was one of those surgeries where the patient could be awake so Josh could talk to them.

Josh was walking to the patient’s room, excitement bubbling in him. He loved meeting new people, cutting them, then fixing them. It was a cycle that he enjoyed and found symbolic to life.

He was a deep person.

Josh knocked before opening the door and walking in. He looked at the man and gave him a sweet smile.

“Hi, I’m Josh. How are you feeling?” He asked, voice calm and reassuring.

Tyler stared at him. He almost didn’t recognize him. _Almost_.

The new look made him look more soft.

Tyler felt like throwing up. After nine years of avoiding him, he really didn’t expect him to be his surgeon.

“Since when do surgeons sit with patients?”

Josh sat on the chair next to the bed. He chuckled quietly, quickly looking over Tyler’s file.

Tyler laughed in his head. _Of course he doesn’t remember me._

“It’s been a thing, but most surgeons don’t do it.” Josh answered, smiling softly at him.

Tyler watched Josh closely. _When did he fucking study and get certified? Last time I checked, he slit people open and it was not for surgery._

“Why do you do it?”

Josh closed the file and set it on the desk before returning to his seat. “I like people. And I mean, I am taking an organ out from you, so I like doing that to like, make up for the fact that I’m cutting them open. If that makes sense.”

Tyler kept staring. Josh always loved new relationships and for some reason, that hurt Tyler’s heart even more.

Josh sensed the bitterness in the man’s tone. “If you don’t want to talk then we can jump right into it.”

Tyler blinked, but didn’t look away.

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Josh mumbled sadly and Tyler suddenly felt the need to have his heart removed, too.

Josh always had an effect on him.

Tyler knew that being a surgeon probably meant a lot to him. He wasn’t going to ruin it for him.

“Can I be awake?”

Josh’s head shot up happily. “Yeah! Of course! You can watch the operation, listen to music, talk to me or fall asleep.”

Tyler wanted his eyeballs removed so he didn’t have to see how pretty happiness looked on Josh.

He didn’t know why he was suddenly attached to him. Tyler didn’t want him yesterday, why did he want him today? He didn’t know.

“I-I’m-I’ll ta-talk to you.”

Tyler nervously leaned back against the bed and fiddled with his shaking hands.

Josh frowned. He moved to sit on Tyler’s bed. He reached out and rubbed Tyler’s arm warmly.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t be nervous. You can sleep if you want. It’ll be less than two hours. You won’t even know it happened.”

Tyler shivered beneath Josh, although Josh’s hands were warm. And soft. Maybe comforting, too, but Tyler wasn’t going to admit that.

“I’m not nervous because of surgery.”

Josh cocked his head and gently squeezed between Tyler’s arm and shoulder to help his muscles relax.

“What’s up then? I know I’m not a certified therapist or psychiatrist, but I took psychology and I can try to help.” Josh happily explained, proud of his knowledge and studies.

Tyler tried his hardest to push back his tears but he failed, because the next thing he knew, Josh was wiping his tears and gently dabbing his cheeks with tissues.

“I’m here for you, talk to me, Tyler.” Josh whispered, gently running his fingers through Tyler’s hair.

“I miss someone that never existed.” Tyler finally breathed, looking at Josh sadly.

Any other person, would’ve laughed at Tyler and told him he was drunk. However, Josh wasn’t like them.

He understood him.

“People change all the time. Whether it’s for the good or bad, you’re gonna be experiencing change. Just like the person changed, maybe you should, too. Who knows, maybe you’ll like it better and see why that person might’ve changed in the first place.”

Tyler closed his eyes and shook his head to himself. _He’s right, oh, he’s so fucking right. He changed for the better, I changed for the worst._

Tyler opened his eyes. _Time to change again. Can’t believe I had to hear someone say that, more specifically Josh for me to realize I’m a dumbass. Full on idiot, with stupidity on the side. Jesus, Tyler. Where have you been?_

Josh’s hands were still on Tyler’s body, rubbing small circles and squeezing certain areas he knew were calming. “Think about it like seasons. Fall changes into winter, and not everything can adjust to it well. Half of nature dies from coldness, but guess what? They start coming back again in summer and they’re fully back here again in spring. They start to die in fall again and the cycle just continues.”

Tyler listened intently to Josh, breaking into a small smile. “You’re right. It depends on the plant, too. Some can change to any environment and make the best out of it.”

Josh’s eyes lit up. “Exactly! Sometimes, we just gotta make it work.” Josh paused to laugh. “Unless you’re a surgeon and you mess up, then you can’t make it work because the person is either dead already or injured badly.”

Tyler’s eyes widened.

Josh laughed even louder. “Did I scare you?”

Tyler slowly shook his head. His eyes widened because Josh still had his playful personality. Even with some serious profession, he managed to make a joke.

“N-no. Just took me off.” Tyler said, after his eyes went back to normal size.

“Nope, I scared you.” Josh replied, grinning in victory.

Tyler rolled his eyes. “You didn’t scare me.”

“Yes. I did.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Josh chuckled, shaking his head. Tyler was something different. He liked him a lot. Only he would come to a surgery, sad because he missed someone that never was here. Only he would understand Josh’s words this well.

And only Tyler would argue on whether the was scared or not.

Josh felt himself smiling. This is why he loved his patients.

“I should stop. The point of sitting with you is to have you as relaxed and loose. Not tense and nervous.”

Tyler couldn’t help what he said next.

“Jesus Christ. You make it sound like sex. Like, first time having sex. Not tense, being relaxed and loose. Did you realize the description?”

Josh’s eyebrows shot up. He tried to not laugh, but he couldn’t help the soft laughter from his chest.

Josh laughed because of something he said, Tyler smiled in satisfaction.

“Sorry, let me rephrase. The main point of a surgeon coming up to a patient’s room is to have them not be nervous about the procedure. They try to lighten the mood and get to know them in a friendly manner so the patient is relaxed and comfortable with the hands that’ll be working on their bodies later. Considering the patient is most likely going to be cut, surgeons inject them with anesthesia to numb them. For that same reason, patients need to be as relaxed as possible. If that doesn’t work, then surgeons inject them with a sedative to calm them down. After that, if the patient decides to stay awake, they’ll be injected by epidural anesthesia. Then, finally, the surgeon will begin.”

Tyler’s mouth was slightly open. Josh smiled and gently pushed on his chin to close his mouth.

“Was that specific enough for you?”

The brunette blushed and nodded. “Got it.”

Josh cooed softly and patted Tyler’s shoulder a final time before taking his hands off of him.

“Wanna get started?”

Tyler sat up and nodded. “We’ll talk about the surgery when you’re working okay? I feel like it’d be cooler, ya know? Like, I could later be like ‘yeah, I had surgery but I was awake and talking’. It’ll make me seem cool.”

Josh tilted his head at him before helping him up. “You have a way with words.”

Tyler’s heart jumped to his brain and gave it a hug. Or at least that’s what Tyler thought happened.

“Thank you.”

Josh nodded and opened the door before leading Tyler outside with him. “This’ll be your room for the four days you’ll be staying here after surgery. After that, recovery should be easy considering I’ll give you the diet and all the tips you need to bounce back to normal activities. It takes seven to ten days.”

Tyler memorized everything Josh said. Not because he liked his voice, but because it was important.

Josh stayed with Tyler’s pace as he led him through the hospital’s halls.

“Right now, I’m taking you to the room where I’ll cut you up and make you dinner.”

Tyler should’ve felt scared or at least weird, but he wasn’t. He smiled.

“Sure thing, doctor.” Tyler said, playfully rolling his eyes.

“Actually, I’m a surgeon.”

“Actually, I don’t care.”

Josh stared at Tyler. “I really like you. I’ll definitely remember the coolest patient.”

“That’s me.”

Josh chuckled. _I really like him, unbelievable._

He opened the door to the room and waited for Tyler to get in before closing it. “You can go ahead and lay down. I’ll get the anesthesia and we’ll get started. Ask questions if you need to.”

“Am I gonna be naked?”

Josh snapped his gloves on before pushing back the liquid into the syringe.

“No, Tyler. I’m gonna perform surgery on your hospital gown.”

“I’m being serious.”

Josh moved to Tyler, gently pushing him back in the medical bed so he was laying down. “Yes and no. You’re gonna be covered in blankets and only your stomach will be exposed, but after surgery, I’ll have to help you move around so yes, I will, because I’ll also be helping you change.”

Tyler nodded. He didn’t mind, after all, they’ve fucked twice and Josh has seen him naked.

But for some reason, it felt weird and alien to have the new Josh work on his body.

“What’s the procedure?” Tyler asked, slowly shrugging off the hospital gown.

Josh bought the thin blankets and draped one above Tyler’s stomach and one below his abdomen.

Tyler watched him the entire time he moved around. Tyler just found him so interesting.

“Basic overview is that I’m gonna inflate your abdomen with carbon dioxide to help me move around better then I’m gonna make four small cuts to in insert the tools and remove your gallbladder since it’s infected. The fancy name for the surgery is cholecystectomy.”

Josh moved to press his finger along areas around his belly button. “The cuts will be approximately here. I’m gonna insert a lighted scope with a video camera, professional name would be a laparoscope. I’ll basically stare at the video and move my hands with the tools in you.”

Tyler took a minute to process everything. “Doesn’t seem bad.”

“It’s not,” Josh reassured, rubbing small circles on his stomach before pressing the syringe containing the anesthesia into his skin.

Tyler jerked at the sting but Josh kept him in place with a gentle hand on his chest. “Five more seconds and that’ll be the last you’ll feel in that area.”

Tyler curled his toes and nodded, hissing slightly. He forgot that anesthesia stings, no matter where.

Josh pulled the empty syringe out and set it down on one of the two trays on the table. Josh sat down on the stool and rubbed Tyler’s leg soothingly. “We’ll give it a few minutes to kick in.”

Tyler nodded. He looked around the room and almost laughed. Hospitals are so cliche, especially in movies.

“You’re gonna have a very strict diet. Just a heads up, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’ve already had an IV before this, right?”

Tyler nodded.

“And you haven’t eaten anything for four hours before this, correct?”

Tyler looked down at Josh. “Wait, what? I wasn’t supposed to eat? But I already ate hour an hour before you came.”

Josh's eyes widened and shot up. He went by Tyler’s side only to find him giggling hysterically.

“Just kidding! Obviously, I haven’t eaten.”

Josh’s heart was beating rapidly in his chest. He let out a long breath and rested a hand on his own chest. “Don’t scare me like that again, that was a serious matter.”

Josh sat down on the chair next to the bed and took a second to catch his breath.

“You really scared me. I thought I messed up. Please don’t do that again.”

Tyler felt bad. But he also didn’t. “That’s what you get for trying to scare me earlier.”

Josh looked at him, his breathing back to normal again. “I’ll get you back. You get better and I’ll be on you.”

Tyler laughed again. “You sound so serious.”

“I am.”

Josh broke into a smile later. He couldn’t be mad with him. Besides, Tyler seemed like a sarcastic person.

They talked about small things here and there for ten minutes before Josh moved to the stool again.

He pressed his palm down roughly onto Tyler’s stomach.

When Tyler didn’t react, he knew that he was numb. “You didn’t feel that?”

Tyler shook his head no.

“Alright, I’ll get started. If you feel anything. Even if it’s slight uncomfortness, you’re to tell me immediately. Okay?”

“Yes, doc.”

“Surgeon.” Josh corrected, a wide smile occupying his face.

Josh inserted the tube filled with air into Tyler’s bellybutton and watched carefully as Tyler’s stomach and abdomen swelled up.

“I look pregnant.” Tyler mumbled, lifting his head slightly to look at his skin.

“Nah, it’s probably the food.”

“Hey,” Tyler huffed, resting his head back.

He took that moment to realize how much he missed Josh. The new Josh. Not the old guy, he didn’t miss the old guy. He liked the new look and entirely new personality.

Tyler feels bad for liking the fact that Josh lost his memory, but like Josh says, some things are meant to happen and sometimes, we just have to make it work.

“I’m going in now, try not to move.” Josh finally announced, pulling the tube out of Tyler’s belly.

“I’m numb, basically paralyzed. Please tell me how I’ll be able to move-”

“Tyler, are you going to move?”

“No.”

Josh sighed happily when Tyler answered seriously. It made him happy that he took his work seriously.

Josh picked up the scalpel and gently dug it into his soft flesh.

~

Josh finished stitching and bandaging the last cut before throwing his hands up and smiling brighter than all the lights.

“Done!”

“Done or Dun?”

“I just spent two hours fixing you and this is how you thank me?”

Tyler giggled and shook his head, feeling tired. “I’ll thank you later, right now. I wanna sleep.”

Tyler yawned and Josh nodded. “Of course! Go ahead and sleep. I’ll let you stay in that position until a couple of hours to ensure nothing moves then I’ll move you back to your room. Sound good?”

“Yeah, Josh.”

“Okay, but you’ll be sore when you wake up, so keep that in mind, also try not to move a lot if you end up waking up before I’m in the room with you.”

Tyler gave a tired nod. “‘Kay, surgeon.”

Josh smiled, and felt his heart smile, too.

For once, Josh didn’t think love at first sight is bullshit.

He watched as Tyler fell asleep, before getting up and quietly leaving.

Josh already had a plan to be in the room with Tyler to be there when he wakes up. 

 


	8. Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not proud of this but we all need a break from the drama so here’s something sweet.

Josh cleaned Tyler up and moved him back to his room.

He laid him down on the bed and patted his hair before moving to sit next to his bed on the chair.

Josh sat there for at least an hour, watching Tyler sleep. People called him creepy, but he described it as gazing.

There’s so much to notice about Tyler and Josh wanted to memorize the details.

He tried to convince himself that he was only interested because he loved the human body and not because it’s Tyler.

Something about the man just grabbed Josh’s attention.

Josh got up and left the room, minutes later, completely forgotten about Tyler’s food.

Josh wanted to have Tyler’s food and be there when he wakes up.

Tyler’s eyes fluttered open and he produced a small pained whine.

His hand traveled to his abdomen and he gently wrapped his arm around himself.

Josh got up and that’s when Tyler realized he was in the room.

“You were here the whole time and you didn’t bother gave me pain medication?”

Josh looked at Tyler, cocking an eyebrow. “I can’t inject you with anything nor can I have you swallow something when you’re asleep.”

Tyler rolled his eyes.

“You can slit my stomach open when that area is asleep but you can’t give me pain killers?”

Josh stared at him blankly. He didn’t know why the sudden bad attitude, but he was still going to be nice.

He’s trained with emotions.

“Tyler, anesthesia is different than sleeping. With anesthesia, you’re completely numb. Numb is different than being unconscious with sleep.”

“Not if I’m a heavy sleeper.”

“That still doesn’t matter. If your thinking was right, then doctors would have simply used sleeping pills instead of anesthesia.” Josh explained, his voice slightly going quiet.

He really didn’t know where the negative side came from and it was bothering him. Josh didn’t like it.

“Well, maybe you should start using sleeping pills. It’ll be less side effects.” Tyler continued, crossing his arms.

Josh shook his head. “Actually, it’ll be more destructive. It’ll have to be a strong pill and forcing the body to sleep for a long period of time is worse than having the body go num-”

“Stop trying to shove your knowledge up my ass. Or should I say, the slits in my stomach.” Tyler jumped in, hating how Josh spoke every word with meaning.

It made him feel weaker.

Josh blinked at him. “I-I wasn’t trying anything to show myself as smarte-I just like to share facts.”

“I don’t want your facts. If I wanted that then I would’ve simply took time to study.”

Josh looked down at his feet. Biology and psychology were his favorite things.

He felt sad that Tyler was ruining it for him. Josh didn’t pull his degree out of his ass, he worked for it.

Josh wished Tyler were as nice and supportive as Jenna.

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

Tyler sighed loudly and rolled onto his side, pain shooting up his stomach and chest. “Instead of being sorry help me with the pain.”

Josh nodded and shuffled quietly to his drawers to pull out a syringe and hydromorphone.

He pulled clear liquid into the syringe before moving to where Tyler was.

“Roll onto your back. This needs to go in the area.”

“You can inject it into my veins. That works, too.” Tyler murmured, staying in his position.

Josh took a quiet breath. “Yeah, but that’ll take longer to kick in and we don’t want it going to other places.”

“Tough shit. I don’t feel like moving.”

Josh set the needle down on the table and moved to the door. “Your medicine is next to your head. Put it in your system when you feel like it.”

Tyler’s brows furrowed. “Where ya going?”

“I have a surgery scheduled in half an hour. And I don’t have a reason to stay here since you don’t need any help.”

Josh walked out the door, letting it slam shut behind him.

“He’s so mean.” Josh muttered to himself, confused on how he could go from sweet and fun to mean and negative.

Josh rolled his eyes to himself. _He’s just a patient. He’ll leave in three days._

He walked into the other room, putting on a smile and looking at the girl in the bed.

Tyler was pushed to the back of his thoughts. He had a person to help right now.

He wasn’t here to fix attitudes.

Josh finished his surgery successfully and made sure the teenage girl was with her parents before moving to Tyler’s room.

He knew that a nurse was with him so he wasn’t worried.

Josh opened the door and his eyes immediately looked at Tyler curled up beneath layers of blankets.

He tilted his head.

“Tyler?”

The pile of blankets moved and Tyler’s head popped out from the side.

“Yeah?” His voice was weak and cracked.

Josh stared at him. Tyler looked like he’s been fucked into oblivion and left in a desert to burn.

“Are you alright?”

Tyler nodded, popping his head back beneath the blankets.

Josh frowned.

He walked over to him and peeled layer after layer of blankets. Josh counted six.

Tyler was shivering, curled up in a ball. He looked up at Josh. “I want the blankets. Put them back.”

Josh rested a hand on Tyler’s forehead and he felt his fingers melt.

“Jesus. You’ve got a bad fever.” Josh mumbled, gently pulling Tyler into a sitting position.

“What’d you do? How’d you take the hydromorphone?”

“The hydro-more-fuck what now?”

Josh looked to the table and saw the syringe empty. “The syringe is empty. That means the medicine went somewhere. Where’d you inject it?”

“I didn’t touch it.”

“Then why’s it empty?”

“Dunno.”

Josh looked at Tyler shivering, confusion clouding his features.

“Who was with you?”

“No one. I told the lady to leave me alone and she did.”

Josh sighed loudly. “So, you didn't take anything at all?”

Tyler shook his head no.

Josh didn’t know what the hell was going on, but he hoped Tyler would go back to normal.

He threw the syringe away and got a new one. “This is hydromorphone. It’s for severe pain.”

Josh poked the needle into Tyler’s stomach before he could react.

He pushed the liquid in and pulled the needle back, throwing it away and getting the second one.

“This is ibuprofen. It’s for your fever.” Josh quietly explained, pulling Tyler’s arm out and pressing the needle in his vein. “I won’t let you have any blankets.”

Tyler hissed in pain, pulling his hand away when Josh finally pulled the syringes away.

“Why not? I’m shivering, I’m cold.”

Josh shook his head and gently ran his fingers through Tyler’s slightly wet hair.

“You’re shivering because your body is heating up. Putting blankets on will make you more warm. That can lead to a seizure.”

Tyler whined and grabbed Josh’s hand pleadingly. “‘M cold. C-come on, one blanket, please.”

Josh pulled his hand away and rested it on his forehead. “The ibuprofen will kick in two minutes. You’ll be fine.”

Tyler watched as Josh placed band aids on his shots. He sighed sadly when Josh didn’t give him something to keep him warm.

“Josh?”

Josh didn’t look up. He sat at the chair and boredly flipped through the pages of a random magazine.

“Mhm?”

“Are you upset?”

“Why does it matter?”

Tyler fiddled with his fingers. “I don’t want you upset.”

“Why does that matter either?” Josh repeated, eyes still on the random text and pictures.

“I’m sorry, Josh.” Tyler said, silently begging with his tone.

“I know I was an asshole and I’m sorry. You’re just doing your job and it wasn’t right to bring you down like that.”

Josh nodded. “It’s alright, Tyler.”

Tyler scooted closer to Josh and lifted his arm up to rest on Josh’s shoulder.

“I know you enjoy this profession. I see how happy you are ‘bout it, and I’m sorry for being bitchy.”

Josh looked at his hand then looked at Tyler. He almost gasped at how close they were.

“Tyler, it’s okay. You slipped and that’s fine. We don’t have to be perfect, little good people all the time. It’s alright, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

Josh took Tyler’s hand off his shoulder and gently pushed him back to lay down. “Rest. That’s all you should be doing. Medication isn’t exactly good. I mean, they are basically drugs.”

Tyler stopped breathing for a good few seconds. Josh had said that before.

It was was almost like deja vu.

He pushed the old memories to the back of his head.

“Do you forgive me, Josh?”

Josh sat on the bed next to him and petted his hair down. “You don’t need my forgiveness. I wasn’t even that upset. Please, Ty, do me a favor and stop worrying. Stop worrying about stupid things and worry about what’s important, like your health.”

Tyler leaned into Josh’s hand and gently tugged on his arm. “Can I move to that bed over there?”

Josh looked to where Tyler was pointing and saw it was the bed next to the huge window.

“Sure, but why?”

“I wanna sleep under the stars.”

Josh stopped moving for a second before nodding. “I always loved the sky.”

Tyler smiled. _That’s the type of man I can fall in love with._

Josh scooped him up and Tyler’s sore arms flew to wrap around Josh’s neck.

“Give me a warning next time. Besides, I thought you were going to push the bed. Not carry me.”

Josh looked down at the man in his arms. “It’s fine, I’ll do the work.”

He laid him down gently and smiled as Tyler immediately rolled to his side to get a better view. “The view is nice. Reminds me of a hotel.”

Josh laughed and nodded, looking out the window. He liked how the stars lightened everything and how the moon was blinding, even behind the clouds.

They watched in silence for twenty minutes before Tyler broke it.

“Can you lay with me?”

Josh was startled. He cocked an eyebrow and Tyler turned around to look at him with a tired expression.

“I wanna experience laying under the stars with someone and talking about life.”

Josh was still standing in shock. “I don’t mind, but why me, though?”

Tyler glanced away and towards the window. “I feel safe. I trust you.”

Tyler’s words went straight to his heart.

He was happy he was a surgeon, because he was about to remove his heart.

“O-oh.” Josh muttered, moving to lay down next to him. He wrapped an arm around Tyler, using his thumb to gently rub small soothing circles on his abdomen.

Tyler chuckled lightly. “I bet you cuddle with all your patients.” He joked, thinking back to high school when every girl said ‘I bet you say that to other girls’ when he complimented them.

Josh laughed lowly and buried his face in the back of Tyler’s neck. “Actually, no. You’re the first that isn’t scared of a surgeon touching you.”

“Touching, mhm?” Tyler teased, turning his head to the side to look at Josh.

“Yes. Tyler, totally. People have sex to hospitals.”

Tyler giggled and turned his head back around to stare out the big window.

“Nah, it’s called a medical fetish.”

Josh cocked and eyebrow and leaned over to look at Tyler, who went into a fit of giggles. “I don’t have it, but ‘m just saying.”

Josh shook his head, chuckling. “Alright, for a second I was really confused because this isn’t your first comment about sex.”

“And it won’t be the last.” Tyler added, receiving an eye roll from Josh.

“Wait, medical fetish as in a liking towards the doctors or like, the tools?”

“From what I’ve heard, both.”

Josh nodded slowly. He wasn’t judging, it was the first time he’s fully had a conversation like that and he was curious.

Tyler eyed Josh with a small grin. “Basically, fucking yourself with a thermometer an-”

“Tyler, shh.” Josh shushed him, covering his mouth with his hand. “Let’s not talk about tools that I use daily, okay?”

Tyler moved Josh’s hand off and broke into a smile. “You don’t get off to that, right?”

Josh shrugged, keeping his other arm wrapped around him. “No, I’d rather not use my tools and remember that some people get off to that.”

Tyler laughed and turned to face the window again. “How was the surgery?”

“The before or during or after?”

The brunette rolled onto his stomach before rolling onto his left side to face Josh. “Everything. I want an overview then details.”

Josh smiled. He was happy Tyler was back to his understanding side.

“Her name’s Rayna. She’s fourteen and she had to get her lymph nodes removed. Neck dissection.”

Tyler nodded for Josh to continue.

“She was really scared, like really, really scared. To the point where she was fighting me. I rested a hand on her shoulder and she grabbed it before shoving it into my chest. I tried helping her sit up and she almost bruised my neck. I offered a sedative and her words were ‘inject me with anything and I’ll slit your throat with the same tools that you use, don’t test me.’”

Tyler laughed loudly, patting Josh’s shoulder in sympathy. “How’d you calm her down?”

Josh smiled at Tyler’s contact and went to grab his hand. He squeezed his hand before letting go. “I told her what happens if I don’t do the surgery and she called me an asshole and crossed her arms. I couldn’t calm her down so I let her sleep before injecting her with a sedative. I waited till she woke up before putting her under anesthesia.”

“Is she okay now?”

Josh laughed, nodding. “She woke up and I asked how she’s feeling and her reply was ‘I could fight you if I want but I’m sparing you.’ She’s with her parents and the dad was glaring at me so I left.”

“How’d you do it?” Tyler asked, moving his hand to rest on top of Josh’s.

“The surgery?”

Tyler hummed.

“The lymph nodes are in her neck, and I could’ve simply got them through her mouth, but I couldn’t open up her mouth wide enough without dislocating her jaw so I had to do it the other way where I slit her neck vertically, pull them out then stitch it back up. I had to move quickly to not have too much blood loss. I’m not gonna lie it was stressful, especially since I wasn’t looking at a screen and had to do everything eye level.”

Tyler admired Josh. It was unique how Josh loved being a surgeon, but somehow struggled with it.

Josh looked at Tyler with a gentle smile.

“Have you ever wanted to create a medicine, Josh?”

The surgeon looked at him with confusion.

“Uh, not really. I’ve had thoughts but never really bothered. I know it’ll be a lot of mistakes before I get the thing I want and I don’t want to test on animals or humans when I know it’s not perfect.”

Tyler was shocked at the answer. _Josh did really change. Holy fuck, the man completely flipped. His whole life was creating, now he doesn’t even give half a fuck._

“I understand. Sometimes you just wanna create but you’re not ready to sacrifice things yet.”

Josh hummed and rolled onto his stomach. He stuck his hand out and grabbed Tyler’s hand.

“Your skin is soft.” Josh mumbled, looking at their hands.

Tyler giggled, moving to trail his fingers teasingly along Josh’s face. “My entire body is soft. Even my dick.”

“Why am I not surprised that you said that?”

Tyler giggled softly again and pinched Josh’s cheek. “Because you’ve learned to accept my shit.”

Josh smiled, shaking his head.

Tyler waited a few minutes before tapping Josh’s bicep. “Can I see your abs?”

His eyes opened and he stared at Tyler with confusion. “My abs?”

Tyler nodded, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt. “I like how they feel. I wanna feel muscles with my fingers.”

Tyler knew that he probably sounded like a serial killer ready to find his next victim, but he was genuine. He liked feeling things. Especially if they’re as unique as the body.

Josh nodded after a few seconds and rolled to his stomach. He lifted the scrub shirt off until his abdomen and abs were exposed.

“Thanks for not freaking out and pushing me off.” Tyler laughed, dropping his gaze and hand to Josh’s exposed skin.

“No, I get you. Because I personally like how hips and thighs feel.”

Tyler chuckled when Josh’s muscles tensed up the moment he laid his finger down.

Josh looked at Tyler’s hand then at his face. “I’m ticklish and I feel like you’re gonna tickle me.”

The brunette grinned. “I’m not gonna tickle you. Relax.”

Josh didn’t trust Tyler’s grin but he relaxed nonetheless.

Tyler smiled reassuringly at him and gently moved his index finger along the bumps. “You have a nice built.”

“Yeah, it’s called working out, Ty.”

Tyler jabbed his finger a little roughly and Josh pouted. “Hey-”

“You were being sarcastic.”

Josh scoffed playfully. “But you’re always sarcastic. Why can’t I be sarcastic?”

Tyler didn’t say anything besides smile. “I’m kidding, surg.”

“Surg?”

Tyler grinned. “Yeah, short for surgeon. You don’t like when I call you doc, which is short for doctor so I’m gonna call you surg, short for surgeon.”

Josh smiled lovingly at him. “You’re incredible.”

Tyler laughed and darted his gaze back to Josh’s abs.

~

It’s been four days, and Tyler was already feeling better. Of course he bounced back good since he was under Josh’s hands.

Tyler didn’t want to leave Josh.

He was going to break his collarbone just to stay at the hospital and stay with Josh longer.

“Look Tyler! The stitches are healing good! You’re doing great! How cool is that?”

Tyler stared at Josh before throwing himself on the man and clinging to him like a koala.

Josh reacted quickly, wrapping his arms around Tyler but not squeezing too hard because of his stitches.

“I’ll miss you.” Tyler muttered, face buried in his shoulder. That’s probably the millionth time he’d said that since the mafia.

Every time Tyler says something among the lines of ‘I miss you’ something bad happens so Tyler wanted to cherish the moment.

Josh chuckled and carefully set Tyler down. “You won’t miss me.”

Tyler frowned. “Yes, I will. I won-”

“How will you miss me when I’ll see you later?”

“What?”

Josh grinned at him and gently squeezed his shoulder to help him relax. “I wanna hang out later. I get to see you without having to wear this uniform. Scrubs, is the name.”

Tyler was still eyeing him with confusion.

Josh laughed lowly. “I’ll give you my number. I’ll call when I’m off work and you can tell me where you wanna meet. I also get to look after you and make sure you’re recovering well.”

Tyler felt stupid for not asking to hang out. _Obviously I can hang out with him. It’s not like the past-no, the past is behind me now. I’ll focus on him. Him only._

“Yeah! I’ll go take a four hour bath and rest.”

“Okay. I’ll change your stitches when I see you later.”

“Change them for what?” Tyler questioned with a cocked eyebrow.

“Water isn’t really helpful and you’re probably gonna take a long bath so.”

Tyler nodded, blushing lightly. Josh was too sweet.

“I’m glad you had the opportunity to cut my stomach open. Because now I have a good friend.”

Josh smiled wide. “I’m glad to have pulled out an organ from you.”

“You’ll get to hear more of my sex comments later when I see you.”

Josh rolled his eyes.

“Can’t wait.”

 


	9. Surgeon Tools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh writer’s block is a bitch but I managed.

Tyler was still feeling a little weird about Josh. He knew that he was practically a new person, especially after nine years.

Even the attitude was different. Tyler has never seen someone drastically change like that. He wasn’t complaining though, he wanted and liked the new change.

Tyler never saw Josh becoming a surgeon coming, through. He saw him being a doctor, but not a surgeon.

It was just too ironic.

Tyler was sprawled out on the floor in the middle of his living room. He just finished taking a long bath and didn’t feel like sitting on the couch so he laid on the ground and didn't feel like getting up.

He looked down at his abdomen and saw how neatly they were stitched.

Tyler sighed. Josh always hit him with something new.

His eyes darted around the ceiling and his mind went back to yesterday, when Josh was laying with Tyler.

Tyler knew the old Josh would’ve killed to have this moment and for some reason, that brought tears to his eyes.

It was Tyler’s fault that Josh had a drinking and it was his fault he ended up passing out that one day.

The old Josh never got to experience happiness and that killed Tyler.

Tyler heard the doorbell and he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “The door’s unlocked!” Tyler called out, thankful that his voice didn’t sound broken.

Josh twisted the doorknob and walked in, immediately looking for Tyler.

He moved to the side and saw Tyler on the floor.

Josh walked in front of him and set his backpack down before sitting next to Tyler’s head. “You already know I’m gonna ask.”

Tyler chuckled and inched until his head was in Josh’s lap. “Dunno, I felt like it.”

Josh giggled at him and petted his head. “You’re something, Tyler.”

Tyler shrugged and moved his gaze to the backpack. “Let me guess, surgeon stuff is in your bag?”

Josh laughed loudly. “‘Surgeon stuff’? That’s new.”

Tyler rolled his eyes and playfully slapped Josh’s leg. “I’m right, though.”

Josh nodded, moving Tyler’s head to get up. “Yeah I’ll show you.”

“Help me get up.”

“No.”

“No?” Tyler pouted, crossing his arms.

Josh sat on the couch and looked at him expectantly. “I need to see how the stitches move when you get up.”

“Why?”

“So, I can know if I need to loosen them for movement to be easy.”

“You either help me or I won’t get up.”

Josh sighed quietly and nodded. “Okay, how about you sit up so I can see then you can lay back down and I’ll carry you.”

“No.”

Josh threw his head back against the couch and huffed loudly. “If you won’t move on your own then I’ll have to tug on the stitches to see if there’s a stretch.”

“Why are you always going doctor on me?”

“One, I’m not a doctor. Quit saying that, and two, why are you always taking advantage of any moment to be a complete asshole to me when I mention something that’ll benefit you?”

Tyler stayed quiet for a few minutes before mumbling an apology.

“Tyler, I get that there’s a concept about making mistakes, but you can’t keep hurting me then apologizing. _You’re not sorry if you’re gonna do it again.”_

Tyler stared at Josh in shock. “It’s not like th-”

“But, it is.” Josh interrupted, eyes glued on Tyler. “You don’t even sound sincere. Okay, maybe you don’t like the concept of someone constantly telling you what to do, but did you not, for one second, maybe think that I’m wasting my breath because I want you to recover well?”

Josh sighed and pulled his backpack in his lap. “I am going to go doctor on you. I am going to shove my knowledge up your ass and you won’t complain about it. If you do, then I’m sewing your mouth shut, because, dear lord, I’m tired of this.”

Tyler blinked a couple of times. It didn’t worry him that he pushed Josh, it worried him how he handled being upset.

Tyler honestly expected him to leave or at least call out him harshly, but he didn’t.

It scared him how calm he was even when angry.

“Get up, and keep your shirt out of the way, I need to see your stitches.”

Tyler didn’t like his new tone. It wasn’t the playful or caring one. It was quiet and seemed bored.

He forced himself to sit up before pushing himself off the floor and getting up.

Josh watched as Tyler walked over and sat down next to him. “Your stitches are fine. They don’t stretch too much and they don’t seem too tight.”

Tyler nodded and glanced at Josh’s backpack. “C-can you show me what you have there?”

Josh shook his head. “Not right now.”

“But-but you said you were going to sho-”

“Forgive me for having emotions, Tyler. I’m sorry-actually no, I’m not gonna apologize when I don’t mean it. I’m upset, I’m a human so I do have reactions. And my reaction right now, is being upset. So, give me a few minutes then I’ll show you what’s inside so you can go ahead and make another comment about ‘oh, why are you being smart on me? You’re a surgeon, so what?’”

Tyler opened his mouth to protest but Josh brushed his hand dismissively.

Tyler scooted away to give him some space and grabbed his phone off the coffee table.

He was starting to think that maybe the old Josh wasn’t that bad, and it was Tyler’s fault because he kept pushing him just like he is pushing Josh right now.

It hurt him that Tyler could never  understand the old Josh.

He pulled his knees up and moved to lay on his side. Tyler felt really bad because Josh was always chirpy and happy.

Tyler moved his phone down and moved his head to look at Josh.

Josh was facing the other direction, cheek against his hand.

At least twenty minutes pass by before Josh moves from his position and looks at Tyler.

Tyler is staring back at him.

Josh turns his body and sits with his legs crossed. “Wanna sit up? I’ll show you what I have.”

Tyler nodded immediately and shot up, following Josh’s position and crossing his legs.

Tyler looked down at Josh’s bag. “Is that a fucking NASA pin?”

Josh looked down to where Tyler was looking and nodded. “I like space.”

“Will you be mad if I made a pun?”

Josh chuckled, shaking his head. “No, because I know that you’re already gonna say something like ‘oh, it’s out of this world’, or something like ‘wow, there’s space between the pin and you.’”

Tyler giggled. “No, I was gonna say it’s far out.”

Josh rolled his eyes with a small chuckle. “I wanna take basic astronomy later on this year.”

Tyler smiled fondly at him. “You like a lot of things, ya know that?”

Josh nodded softly. “Yeah, there’s just too much to do with such little time.”

Josh unzipped his backpack and pulled it open. “So, I have a thermometer-”

“People fuck themselves to that.”

Josh stopped his movements and looked up at Tyler. “Really, Ty? You’re gonna bring this up? Again?”

Tyler smiled innocently and shrugged. “I don’t know how it’s even satisfying, it’s not even thick. Yeah, it’s long, but-”

Josh slipped a gummy bear in his mouth to shut him up.

Tyler chewed on the candy softly, blushing. “I feel like that’s gonna roofie me later,” Tyler said after swallowing.

Josh shook his head and set the thermometer on the coffee table. “No, that’s just my way of telling you to nicely shut up.”

He pulled five empty syringes and set them next to the thermometer. “I have syringes, in case I need-”

“I wonder how it’ll feel like in bed, imagine getting fucked and then you feel the small pinches of the needle, I think it’ll be a cool exp-”

Josh slipped another candy in his mouth. “Tyler, shut up. I have anesthesia with me. I’ll numb your tongue.”

Tyler looked at him innocently while he ate the sweet in his mouth. “What? You agreed to hearing my sex comments.”

“Okay, but not every tool, I’m still a surgeon and I still use these.”

Tyler smiled apologetically. “Alright, I’ll tone it down.”

Josh rolled his eyes and went through his bag again. “Anyway, I have anesthesia, ibuprofen, a sedative, hydromorpho-”

“Can I have candy?”

Josh nodded and handed Tyler the gummy bears pack. “Eat slowly, the moment you feel full, stop.”

Tyler hummed and stuffed a fistful in his mouth.

“Tyler!”

“Wha’?” He replied around a mouthful of candy.

“Don’t eat large amounts! Don’t forget that we’re still on the first day of your actual recovery.”

Tyler stopped chewing before shrugging and moving his jaw again.

Josh pulled out the medicine and set them down. “I’ve also got IVs.” He said, holding it up to show Tyler.

The brunette nodded in reply and swallowed what’s in his mouth. “You ever heard of food sex?”

Josh sighed loudly and put everything in his bag before zipping it up again and setting it on the floor.

He knew Tyler wouldn’t focus with him.

“What’s up with you and sex?”

“Nothing, I just wanna talk about it. It’s interesting.”

Josh scooted near Tyler and grinned at him. “It sucks for you because you can’t have it since you’re just out of surgery.”

Tyler smirked at him. “I can still fuck myself with a thermometer-”

“Shut up about the thermometer, Jesus.”

He giggled and moved to press a piece of candy to Josh’s lips.

Josh opened his mouth and Tyler dropped the candy in before smiling happily. “What are your kinks, Josh?”

Josh thought for a few seconds before shrugging. “Depends on my mood really, especially since I’m a switch. I can’t answer the question generally because my answer will change based on the situation I’m in.”

Tyler never expected Josh to be a switch, but then again, he didn’t really know him.

“Same here, to be honest. But one that’s always stayed was pain.”

Josh tilted his head. “I don’t mind pain, but I wouldn’t suggest it. Like, if it was bought up then I won’t say no, but it’s not a favorite choice, ya know?”

Tyler nodded understandingly.

They fell into a comfortable silence before Josh broke it.

“You know, it’s October first, which means that amusement parks and haunted houses are already in session. We should go to one tomorrow.”

Tyler’s eyes lit up and he was in Josh’s lap in an instant. “You mean it? We’ll go together and get scared, eat food, ride roller coasters, and earn prizes together?”

Josh smiled adoringly at him. “Excitement looks pretty on you.”

Tyler blushed and giggled, wrapping his arms around Josh’s shoulders. “You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever met.”

Josh laughed and lazily wrapped one arm around Tyler’s waist. “You’re only saying that because I’m taking-”

“No, really. From the first day of surgery, you were the best person.”

Josh chuckled softly and pressed a small kiss to his temple. “You’re the most annoying, sweet, deep and nice person I’ve met.”

Tyler leaned back and rolled his eyes. “I ain’t mad at that, at least you’re being honest, J.”

Josh shrugged and rubbed his thumbs into Tyler’s hips. “The good things about you outweigh the bad so I still like you, Ty.”

Tyler had to make sure the moment was real and raw, like that one time he was with Josh when he admitted everything, so he had to ask.

“How would you truly describe your emotions right now?”

Josh smiled lazily. He loved when Tyler asked him simple, yet deep questions.

“I’m still high with a little feeling.” Josh answered, looking at Tyler with a soft expression.

Tyler’s heart skipped a beat. He took in a deep breath and smiled shyly. “What do you mean?”

“I’m ‘high’ because I’m feeling a little upset but being happy makes it positive. It’s just my way of being dramatic with my words.”

Tyler nodded and gently petted Josh’s head. “I don’t often like buzzed off hair, but for you, I’ll make an exception because it feels nice.”

Josh grinned playfully at him. “Have you ever thought what buzzed hair feels like during sex?”

Tyler groaned and Josh laughed breathlessly.

“What? You think you’re the only one who can make sex comments?”

Tyler rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t mad. He was the opposite.


	10. Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H a h a

They ended up with Josh cuddling Tyler at seven in the morning.

Josh was going to go home and rest for a bit before going to work but Tyler started begging and he couldn’t leave him.

He ended up petting Tyler’s hair and letting him know he has to go finish a surgery but he promised to come back as soon as he was done.

Josh came back at eleven at night and they fell asleep watching movies.

Tyler woke Josh up at six in the morning complaining about his abdomen and after Josh calmed him down, they couldn’t go back to sleep, hence them ending up watching movies again.

Tyler was curled against Josh’s side, gently rubbing his cheek against his chest.

Josh’s arm was wrapped protectively around Tyler’s body.

“Are we still going?”

Josh’s eyes remained on the big screen. “Yeah, if you’re still down.”

Tyler tilted his head slightly up to look at Josh. “I am, but like, you said you only get Saturday fully off so if you wanna take it to rest then I understand. We don’t have to go.”

Josh looked down at Tyler with a gentle smile. “No, I wanna go, too. Besides, my work isn’t tiring, it’s not like I have to carry an elephant. I sit at a stool and slice people open.”

Tyler chuckled and buried his face in Josh’s side. He softly inhaled and sighed quietly at the scent. It didn’t change, Tyler remembers the smell how it was years ago and it still managed to have him feel safe.

“Tyler, I can feel your nose in my kidney, that’s how hard you’re poking your nose into my side.” Josh moved his hand to tangle in Tyler’s hair and tug gently to grab his attention. “Stop pushing yourself against me before you break your nose.”

Tyler pulled his head back and smiled apologetically at Josh. “Shut up, I just like smelling things.”

“Nah, you just like smelling me.” Josh teased, messing up Tyler’s hair with his fingers.

“No, I don’t.” Tyler pushed Josh’s hand away from his hair.

“Yes. You do, actually-”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Tyler sat up and glared at Josh. “I don’t!”

Josh raised one hand in defense while his other moved to cup Tyler’s jaw. “Easy, Tyler. There’s nothing wrong with it. And I clearly don’t mind since I haven-”

“Shut up, I fucking hate when you call me out.”

Josh’s eyebrows furrowed slightly and he dropped his hand to rest comfortably on Tyler’s thigh. “Alright. I’m sorry, Ty.”

Tyler sighed loudly and relaxed against Josh again. He hated how Josh always made him feel bad and guilty even when he’s not in the wrong.

Josh gently pushed Tyler away to take off his sweatshirt. Tyler watched with curiosity.

Josh balled his sweatshirt and turned to Tyler. He didn’t say anything, he just set the balled up piece of clothing near Tyler’s head.

“Josh, you don-”

“It’s okay, you and I both know that you’re probably going to end up stealing my beanie or sweatshirt. Might as well give it to you now.”

Tyler turned a light pink. He didn't bother denying anything, though. Instead, he moved to grab the sweatshirt and set it down on Josh’s lap before resting his head in the soft material.

Josh looked down at him with a loving smile. He rested his hand in his hair again and gently tugged on the ends.

“Are we going at night?”

“Yeah. We have the whole day to ourselves, too.”

Tyler sat up and pulled the sweatshirt from Josh’s lap. He pulled it over his head and immediately felt overwhelmed with how strong the scent was and how cozy he felt.

The sweatshirt hung off loosely around Tyler’s body and Josh was laughing.

“Why are you laughing?”

Josh shook his head, forcing himself to stop laughing. “I love seeing you in my clothes.”

Tyler felt his heart flutter. He smiled shyly and sat back on his heels. “It’s big, but I won’t drown in it.”

Josh laughed again and pulled Tyler into his lap. Tyler wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck and chuckled. “This isn’t professional, Joshua.”

He rolled his eyes and squeezed Tyler’s hips gently. “I don’t see you complaining. And this is outside of work, so I’m not really being unprofessional. At work or not, no one really cares who dates who. People mind their business and if they don’t, then they need to start taking lessons on how to not worry ‘bout who someone else is fucking.”

Tyler eyebrows shot up in surprise. He broke into a grin seconds later. “Are you hinting at something, surg?”

Josh shrugged and started rubbing small circles into Tyler’s hipbones.

Tyler didn't mind, he remembered that Josh mentioning that he likes feeling hips.

“I’m not really hinting at anything, by now, I think it’s painfully obvious that I’m down to whatever step you wanna take.”

Tyler snorted and trailed one hand down Josh’s chest. “I’m not sure if that’s your way of hinting at sex or developing relationship.”

Josh looked down at Tyler’s hand, a small chuckle passing his lips. “Does it matter? Either one leads to another so.”

“Oh, so you think sex is something special and can develop relationships?”

Josh nodded immediately. “Yes. Both people are at such a vulnerable state and they’re both reaching a climax together. I think that’s something special.”

Tyler couldn’t hold his laughter back.

“What’s funny, Ty?”

“The fact that you have to make everything special. Quit trying to give a stupid thing meaning.”

Josh frowned. His hands stopped their movements and they just rested on Tyler’s hips. “It’s not stupid. And I’m not trying to give anything any meaning. That’s just my opinion that you asked for. There’s a difference.”

Tyler shook his head and his hands moved to wrap around Josh’s neck again. “Josh, fucking shouldn’t mean anything. It’s literally you using someone for pleasure. I don’t know how that-”

“Whether it’s the rough sex that you’re talking about or something different, you are, in fact, trusting the person. You’re trusting that they’ll give you just as much pleasure as they receive.”

Tyler shook his head again. “You’re wrong-”

“Would you sleep with someone who doesn’t make you feel safe?”

“No?”

Josh nodded. “Exactly, because you don’t trust them. And it won’t feel ‘good’ because you don’t have that connection with them. I’m not asking you to agree, I’m just asking that you respect my opinion like I fucking do to yours.”

Tyler still wasn’t convinced. “I never said I don’t respect your opinion, I’m simply commenting.”

“Alright, well, stop commenting because it’s bothering me. If I think that sex is special then I think that goddamn sex is special. My opinion won’t change and it’s not harming you, so please stop. Okay?”

Tyler huffed and rolled his eyes. “Listen, we get that you’re a surgeon that basically enjoys slitting flesh open. But, just because you have some knowledge about the body that doesn’t mean you can give it meaning. You’re not that special, a lot of people can start saying bullshit that they think means something.”

Josh’s body went stiff. He took small breaths before dropping his hands. Josh wasn’t going to let this affect him. He’s going to walk away from this.

“Get the fuck off me.”

Tyler laughed but didn’t make any plans to move. “Now you’re butthurt that someone told you you’re not the brightest person.”

“You have three seconds to get off of me before I fucking shove you across the room and cause for your stitches to break. Then you can go find a surgeon that doesn’t use their brain to fix you. We’ll see how you can handle them.” Josh’s fists were clenched by his side. He kept them there because he didn’t feel like touching Tyler.

“Oh, I can handle them because they won’t be constantly telling me about how happy the-”

“You’re pushing me, please stop.”

Tyler laughed. “What? Are you finally not positiv-”

“Stop!” Josh shouted, pushing Tyler off of him. He got up and turned around to look at Tyler with a glare. “What do you fucking want from me? This is the goddamn third time you do this. For fuck’s sake. The third time! You keep doing this and I’m tired of it. It’s like you’re scared to see me be happy and proud of my thoughts.”

Josh ran a hand through his hair and counted to five to calm himself. “I talked to you yesterday about this. I told you how I felt and you told me you were sorry. You showed me you won’t do it again yet here you are, again. You get worse everyday and I won’t sit here and have you trash me as a fucking human being with emotions and thoughts. I waste my time. My fucking precious time making sure you’re happy and content and what do I get in return? Oh, yeah, a constant reminder that my feelings don’t mean shit. And you know what hurts the most? The fact that this reminder is a person I thought I could trust. I’m happy I haven’t opened up to you. I’m happy I haven’t showed you that part of me because you don’t fucking deserve it, you fucking asshole.”

Josh leaned down to pick his backpack up. “Find someone to sit through the night with you while you’re in agony. Find someone who will carry you to an amusement park just to see you excited. Find that person and when you do, that’s when you can come talk to me. Other than that, I’m no one to you.”

Tyler stared agape at the man. “Josh, I didn-”

“Please, please don’t fucking start. You hurt me, a lot. And I’m tired of this. You talk to me like I’m supposed to be a robo-” Josh stopped to rub his eyes and because the lump in his throat got to be too much.

He looked at Tyler for a few seconds before looking down. “Keep the sweatshirt, because I know the smell makes you happy and safe. And although I’m really broken with you right now, I can’t find myself to take away something that’ll help you when you’re alone. I don’t care how hurt I am right now, I won’t try to ruin it for you.”

Tyler got up and ignored the pain in his abdomen. He hated that the medication wanted to wear off in that specific time. “I didn’t mean it like that, I promise you, Josh! I was just saying that you shouldn’t worry too much about simple things, ya know? I’m a deep person myself, and I-”

“Don’t try to talk me out of this. You’ve done that twice and I’m not letting it happen a third time.” Josh flung his backpack on his shoulder and walked to the door, not looking back.

He wasn’t going to keep repeating similar mistakes just because it was Tyler.

Tyler forced his legs to move quickly to where Josh was and he attached himself to Josh’s arm. “Joshie. Please.”

Josh didn’t look at Tyler. He knew the moment he glances at the brunette he’d lose himself. “Tyler, no-”

“Don’t leave, please. I’ll make it up to you, I’ll do anything, please don’t leave me.” Tyler’s hands were around Josh’s arm and his legs were tangled between Josh’s.

“Begging won’t work. I told you, you’re not talking me out of this.” Josh was still looking at the door like it was the most important thing in the world.

Tyler leaned up and pressed a small kiss to the corner of Josh’s mouth. “Joshua, please. I need you. You can’t leave me when I need you the most. Leave tomorrow, leave in an hour, just not right now.”

Josh felt the corner of his lip burn up. Tyler’s lips felt so soft and Josh almost gave in. Josh gently tugged Tyler off. “Stop this, Tyler. I know by the end of the day you’re probably gonna be on my ass again.”

“I won’t. Let me prove it to you, please, J. If I do it again then I’ll let you leave. I won’t hurt you anym-”

“Don’t promise something you can’t keep.”

Tyler’s heart shattered and his grip loosened on Josh. “I-I-you don’t believe I keep my promises?”

Josh stopped, too. “I-Tyler, we’re both out of it. Let’s just-let me leav-don’t look at me that way.”

Tyler was looking at Josh with glossy eyes and parted plump lips.

“Josh, pleas-”

Josh shook his head and opened the door. Tyler walked from behind Josh and leaned against the door, closing it.

“Tyler! Stop it! It won’t work! I don’t wanna stay here!”

“Look me in the eyes right now and tell me you want to leave. Tell me you actually want this and you’re not doing this out of your emotions.”

Josh’s breath hitched. His eyes remained on the ground. “I wanna leave.”

“No, look up at me. Look at me.”

Josh shook his head and shifted uncomfortably under Tyler’s gaze. “I said I wanna leave.”

Tyler took a step forward and gripped Josh’s jaw, forcing his head up. “Say it right now. Tell me you want to leave.”

Josh didn’t move his head away. He looked at Tyler with a tired expression. “You just want the physical comfort. You don’t actually need me. My friend, Jenna told me once about a friend of hers who literally got into illegal stuff just for physical comfort in return. I think you’re that type of person, to be honest.”

Tyler’s hand dropped and he looked at Josh with furrowed eyebrows. He had completely forgotten about Jenna.

Tyler wanted to punch himself for being so stupid. He knew that Jenna probably stayed with him throughout the years.

“It’s not about physical comfort.” Tyler muttered, glancing down at the ground before looking at Josh again.

“What’s it about then?”

“I care about you Josh, and you care about me. Not to mention, I trust you. A lot.”

Josh snorted loudly. “You must really care about me then, huh?” He asked sarcastically.

Tyler nodded. “I do actually.”

“Well, I don’t, so I’m gonna leav-”

“If you don’t care, then why are you leaving your sweatshirt?”

Josh’s mouth slowly closed. He took a deep breath. “Get out of my way or I’ll get out through a window.”

Tyler went to talk but his words got caught when the pain in his stomach and abdomen got too much.

He leaned against the door frame with one hand, while his other gripped his stomach.

Josh looked away and set his bag down. He unzipped it and went through to find a syringe only to be stopped by Tyler.

“Leave.”

“But-you’re in pai-”

“This is the moment you’re trying to fucking prove. You’re trying to see who I’m gonna go run to, but you and I both knew the answer.”

Josh wasn’t focused on Tyler’s words. He was looking at his abdomen that was a bit swollen. He leaned to lay a hand but Tyler moved away.

“Tyler, fuck what I said. You’re gonna end up damaging you-”

“Leave, Josh. Do it, walk away right now and come to me later, talking about how I don’t give you enough credit.” Tyler slowly sank to the ground, clutching his abdomen.

Josh didn’t listen to Tyler, he never did unless they were talking about the sky. He pulled the syringe out and yanked Tyler’s arm out.

Tyler lifted his head and waited for Josh to press the needle in before using all his strength in closing his arm. The syringe snapped and Josh gasped breathlessly in surprise.

He lifted the half of the syringe and his eyes widened when he didn’t find the needle.

“You’re so fucking stupid! Why would you do that?!”

Josh rolled Tyler onto his back and carefully straightened his arm out. He saw the bump where the needle was beneath his skin.

“Fucking dumb, do you know how dangerous that is? If I can’t get the needle then you’re fucked!”

Tyler hummed and closed his eyes. He didn’t care. He didn’t want the pain to go away, at this point, he just wanted the pain to slightly ease.

Josh squeezed around the skin but that made everything worse because the needle shifted more downward.

His eyes brimmed with tears. He didn’t know if it was from anger, frustration, sadness or panic. He just knew he had tears running hotly down his cheek.

Josh held Tyler’s arm in the air and gently probed at the skin to move the needle to the cut.

“You got me so fucked up, Tyler.” He whispered, shaky fingers caressing his flesh to poke the needle out.

Josh glanced down and he saw Tyler’s swollen abdomen.

“I hope you fucking got what you asked for.” Josh loudly said, referring to when Tyler wanted him to stay.

Josh finally got the needle to pierce through his tan skin. He let out a long breath and pulled it out before throwing it to the side.

Tyler’s eyes were still closed. He didn’t want to look at Josh so he kept them closed.

Josh pulled out another syringe and moved to the other arm. He injected the medicine in, watching Tyler’s face.

“I hate you so much right now.” Josh mumbled, moving to clean Tyler’s arm up and bandage it.

He scooped him up and carefully walked to Tyler’s room to set him down on the bed.

He resisted the urge to throw him against the wall for being so stupid.

Josh has forgotten about why he was upset in the first place, all he could care about right now is fixing Tyler.

He carefully lifted his sweatshirt up and looked down at the red swollen skin.

Josh sighed loudly.

~

Tyler woke up to Josh’s face buried in his chest.

He tilted his head to look down. “Josh?”

Josh’s head shot up and Tyler was greeted with puffy, red eyes and a red runny nose.

“What happened?”

Josh sat up, his hand still laced with Tyler’s. “You were a fucking idiot and I thought I had lost you, you know, usual daily stuff.”

Tyler didn’t like Josh’s sarcastic side.

“I told you to stop and you didn’t.”

Josh frowned at him, hand squeezing Tyler’s gently. “I couldn’t see you like that. You know that, Tyler.”

Tyler went to lift his arm up but he felt a sharp pain. “Ow.”

Josh resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Being stupid hurts, I know.”

Tyler pouted slightly and looked down at their hands. “I’m sorry, Josh. For earlier. For everything, really. I was being really ungrateful and hurtful with you and I’m sorry.”

Josh sighed. He knew this conversation was going to be bought up. “Go to sleep, we’ll talk later.”

Tyler didn’t close his eyes. “I know you’re gonna leave the moment I sleep.”

Josh shook his head and moved to lay down next to Tyler. “No. If I wanted to leave I would’ve left earlier. I just don’t feel like talking to you right now.”

Tyler nodded understandingly. He saw that Josh has folded and set the sweatshirt beneath his arm. His other hand was laced with Josh’s.

That’s all Tyler needed to see to know Josh was the same.

“Thank you for the sweatshirt.”

“Sleep, Tyler. Please.”

Tyler glanced at Josh before nodding. He closed his eyes slowly and kept his hand in Josh’s.

“You break your word and break my heart, but I’m a surgeon so my job it to fix that.” Josh quietly said, looking down at Tyler’s pale fingers wrapped against his own.

Tyler knew exactly what Josh meant with his words but he didn’t reply.

Tyler’s eyes didn’t open. He fell asleep with a heavy heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself too for this


	11. Bloody Knuckles and Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What y’all been wanting.

Josh stayed throughout the time Tyler was asleep. He didn’t have anything better to do then waste his time on his phone while watching Tyler to make sure he’s doing okay.

Josh was still mad. He thought it was going to be like yesterday, when he only needs twenty minutes to calm down, but it wasn’t. It’s been three hours and Josh was ready to choke him with a pillow.

Tyler was so insulting with his words and the worst part was his tone.

He hated how he kept dissing him for being a surgeon. Instead of a thank you for removing an infected organ, Tyler keeps belittling his job.

Josh’s jaw clenched and he resisted the urge to throw his phone against Tyler’s forehead and break both.

He wasn’t always violent in thinking, but it wasn’t always that he had a person like Tyler push every ounce of control out of him.

Josh got up and decided to walk around.

The morning air was still cool and he looked up at the sky. It was slightly cloudy and he smiled gently at a cute, small cloud.

It reminded him of Tyler in his sweatshirt, smiling shyly.

Josh sighed loudly and walked along a brick wall, dragging his fingers along the harshness.

Josh didn’t know why he punched it, but his best guess was that it felt harsh, just like Tyler’s words.

“Oh fuck, why am I pulling a goddamn Tyler and being stupid?” Josh looked down at his bloody knuckles. They were bruised and Josh felt like punching Tyler.

Josh punched the wall again. Harder.

He felt his ring and pinky finger pop. Josh dropped his hand, regretting it the slightest, because he most likely broke his fingers and he won’t be able to perform surgery.

Josh looked down at the ground where his blood was pooling. He sighed and decided to go back to Tyler’s house to fix his hand.

The entire time Josh had to cup his knuckles who were bleeding more than he had expected.

He rushed upstairs, not wanting to bleed all over Tyler’s carpet. Josh walked into the room to find Tyler still sleeping. He sighed in relief and walked into the bathroom to clean his hand.

Josh hissed in pain when the rubbing alcohol sunk in. He cleaned his hand and looked down at the purple and blue shades.

His last two fingers were in an awkward position and when Josh tried to move them, a pained scream ripped from his chest.

Josh panted slightly, knowing he’d have to call in and take at least three weeks off. Josh sighed quietly and started wrapping his hand securely.

Josh looked at his bandaged hand and his casted fingers.

At least it was his left hand.

“‘osh?”

Josh’s head snapped back at Tyler’s slurred and muffled words.

Tyler was rubbing his eyes, then looking at Josh.

“What?” Josh said, walking out of the bathroom and turning off the light.

Tyler’s eyes were glued on Josh’s wrapped hand and wrist. “What happened to your hand?” He asked quietly, concern laced in his voice.

“Anger from a certain brunette that just makes my day.” Josh sarcastically replied, sitting down on the chair that he pulled next to Tyler’s bed.

Tyler looked around but couldn’t find any holes in any parts of the wall. “What’d you punch?”

Josh looked at his hand and then at Tyler. “I wished for it to be your face, but, sadly, it was a brick wall somewhere around the neighborhood.”

Tyler frowned and tilted his head to look at Josh properly. “If you’re gonna stay here and keep giving me bad attitude then leave.”

Josh laughed loudly at that, feeling his anger slowly rise up. “How ironic,” he spat, glaring at Tyler. “It’s fine when you trash my entire existing, but when I have a bad attitude due to your fucking actions, I’m the bad guy?”

“You’re not any better by being bad to me as payback.” Tyler’s voice was quiet and Josh was slightly confused.

He sighed and counted to sixteen to calm down before moving his chair closer to Tyler.

“I don’t get it, Tyler. I really don’t. You’re here, looking like someone murdered your puppy, but you’re most likely going to do it again. You know you’re gonna regret being mean to me, yet you keep doing it, why?”

Tyler stared blankly at Josh, making him look down. Josh fiddled with his fingers and looked at Tyler’s face again. “I’m not even mad at this point, I’m just confused and hurt. Confused to why you keep doing this and hurt to why you do this to yourself and me. What do you get out of this, Tyler?”

Tyler eyes slightly watered. “I don’t know.”

Josh’s expression remained irritated. “You don’t know?”

Tyler nodded softly and hugged the sweatshirt to his chest using his good arm.

Josh was eyeing him expectantly.

Tyler felt a heavy weight spread in his chest. “I really don't know, if I knew I would’ve told you already.”

Josh’s anger was back, but he kept it pooling in his stomach. “So, you just take advantage of the fact that I’m nice?”

Tyler sighed sadly. “Not that wording, but I guess that’s what’s going on. I mean, I don’t have a better explanation so.”

Tyler couldn’t let Josh know that this anger was from his past. He couldn’t let him know that he was still upset from the past.

Josh exhaled harshly through his nose. He got up calmly and grabbed his bag with his good hand. “When you figure yourself out and you’re a better friend then text me.”

“I’ll be more understanding, J. Give me one more chance, please.”

Josh shook his head vigorously. “No, I gave you enough chances. You’re gonna waste my time. I thought you were such a nice person in the hospital, turns out, you’re an asshole.”

Tyler nodded softly. “I know and I’m sorry. But I’m gonna change I promise, Joshua.”

Josh looked at him. He looked at his eyes and how sad they looked.

“Remember when you were sad about change, Tyler? Remember when I gave you an example with the seasons and plants?”

Tyler nodded again.

Josh sighed. “Some people change for the better while others think that they changed because someone around them changes and they feel like they don’t need change as well. That’s us. Jenna told me I changed for the better and you never mentioned anything about you changing so that explains the situation.”

Tyler’s mouth slightly opened. Josh wasn’t wrong and both boys knew that.

“But, I’m gonna change! I promise you, Joshie. Just, please let me prove it to you. I won’t waste our time.”

Josh thought about it for a solid minute before sighing in defeat. “Okay, I believe you. And I also trust that you’re gonna keep your word. Don’t ruin this, Tyler, because I will fucking walk away if you pull shit like that again a fourth time. I’m telling you, this is the fucking last time.”

Tyler’s lips twitched in a weak smile and felt his stomach flip. “Thank you, Josh. Really.”

“Tyler, what is this?”

“The last time.”

“What happens after that?”

“You’ll leave me.”

Josh nodded. “Alright, well, I gotta go get my hand checked, as well as see if I can work with one hand. I don’t really wanna take days off work.”

Tyler sat up carefully to put on Josh’s sweatshirt. That way he won’t miss him. “Okay, I’ll see you later, Josh.”

Josh smiled slightly at the sight of Tyler in his clothing. It reminded him of that cloud he saw earlier. “See you, Ty.”

He watched as Josh disappeared from his room.

  
Tyler’s eyes slipped shut and he went back to sleep, hugging himself in the sweatshirt.

~

“How can I help you, sir?”

“I wanna see Joshua.”

“You can’t see employees when they’re at work. Unless it’s concerning your health.”

Tyler took in a deep breath. Tyler has about eighty five billion nerves and this receptionist managed to get on every single one.

“I’m not asking to see him immediately, I’m just asking to know where he is. I’m not sure if he’s working or getting his hand checked out.”

The lady shook her head, slight annoyance showing on her features. “He’s an employee here, either way it doesn’t matter because you can’t visit him while he’s working or if he’s with a doctor like you claim.”

Tyler lost his control. “I’m trying to fucking save a relationship right now and if I don’t goddamn get where he is then my plan to surprise him will be ruined and I’ll lose him and I’m not risking that because a fifty year old bitch is holding me back!”

The receptionist stared at him in shock. She didn’t expect his outburst but he looked like he was going to start throwing a tantrum so she gave in.

She also noticed the balloon and gift bags in his hands. “O-oh, well, he’s working with another worker at room 12 on the second floor. Good luck.”

Tyler thanked her before rushing to the area.

He was thankful that he ran because a surgeon walked out of the room seconds later and he didn’t want to miss when Josh comes out.

“Is Josh in there?”

The surgeon nodded and gave a friendly smile. “Yeah, he should be out in a bit. He’s cleaning up.”

He was grateful the surgeon didn’t question him.

Tyler stood where he was and excitedly bounced on his feet. Tyler went to go get him gifts the moment he woke up.

Tyler got him simple things that he knew Josh was going to love. But he was most excited for the ring that he customized. He got help from Jenna with the size but he figured it out and it was in his the pocket of Josh’s sweatshirt that he still had on.

Tyler’s thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and Josh walked out.

Josh looked up and that’s when he stopped in his tracks. “Tyler?”

Tyler grinned happily and moved closer to Josh. “I’m sorry for earlier and this is the start of me making it up to you.”

Josh chuckled softly when he saw the ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘forgive me’ balloons. He tilted his head at Tyler with a small smile playing on his lips that he couldn’t wipe off. “Tyler, you don’t have-”

“Okay, so I got you these balloons,” Tyler said, handing Josh the tied up strings. “I also got you a bunch of little things that you’ll love. Look.”

Josh eyed Tyler weirdly before leaning forward and look at the bag. His face softened and he smiled adoringly at him. “Tyler, really?”

The brunette giggled shyly and nodded. “Yeah, I pay attention to when you talk, so half of this is from when you would mention it.”

Josh glanced down at the bag again and he leaned down and picked up a book.

Tyler looked at it and chuckled.

Josh wasn’t laughing, his eyes were focused on the book and he looked at Tyler seconds later. “You got a book that’s about seasons and what plants grow at that time.”

Tyler chuckled again. “That conversation was important to me so I had to get something similar.” He explained, cheeks lightly flushed.

Josh set the book down in the bag, took the bag from Tyler and set it down next to their feet, and moved to engulf Tyler in a hug.

Tyler accepted the hug and tightly wrapped his arms around his waist.

“You’re something different, Tyler.” He mumbled, rubbing his back with a gentle hand.

Tyler smiled into Josh’s shoulder and relaxed against his body. “I just don’t wanna lose you.”

Josh sighed quietly and remained silent for a few minutes. “You know how to avoid that, Ty. You know how to keep me around.”

Tyler nodded and pulled away, grinning.

“What?” Josh questioned, knowing Tyler’s grin.

“Guess who’s taking you to an amusement park today!?”

A small laugh came from Josh’s mouth. “Are you serious?”

“Hell yeah, I am. We’re gonna have fun tonight.” Tyler was glowing. That’s how’s Josh saw him.

He was happy that Tyler is realizing his mistake and wanting to fix it, but he was happier because Tyler was smiling brightly.

Josh believed in change so he decided to forget about Tyler hurting him and focus on him making both happy.

“Come on, m’taking you to lunch.”

“Tyler, you already bought me things and you’re taking me out later, it’s enough, real-”

“Bullshit, you deserve more, now let’s go.” Tyler tugged on Josh’s hand.

“No, Ty. I appreciate it, but you shouldn’t worry about that.” Josh tried again, smiling at him.

He really didn’t want Tyler wearing himself out for the sake of Josh being impressed. Josh was already content by simply knowing that Tyler was trying.

Tyler pulled Josh down by his collar. “We’re going out to eat. Okay?”

Josh’s eyebrows were raised. He stared at Tyler, mesmerized with how pretty he was. Josh snapped out of his thoughts and gave a small nod. “Okay, stubborn little shit.”

Tyler laughed and let go of Josh. “Alrighty! Let’s go feed you, Joshie.”

Tyler took them to a local place and made sure Josh ate good before taking them back home.

They had four hours to kill until they were going to the amusement park.

Tyler’s eyes seemed distant while they’re driving and Josh was paying attention to him. He looked like he was thinking hard.

“Tyler, what’s on your mind?” Josh wondered, turning his body around to look at Tyler.

He snapped out of his thoughts and glanced shortly at Josh. “A lot,” Tyler answered honestly.

“Talk to me, Ty. Slowly and one thought at a time.” Josh suggested, giving him a welcoming smile.

The atmosphere around him changed the moment they stepped into the car and Josh figured it was something serious if it took his attention this quickly.

“I need to figure out how to tell you this.”

Josh’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Tell me wh-”

“Please, give me till we get home, I’ll figure something out by then.”

Josh nodded and turned to face the window. He watched at the city passed by. He hoped it was nothing bad.

They walked in and almost immediately Tyler pulled out a chair and ropes.

“Why are you tying me to a chair again?”

“Because what I’m about to tell you is serious and you’re most likely going to leave so I’m gonna stop that because you need to know the full story, before going off and jumping to conclusions.”

Tyler tightened the rope around his legs and right hand, but didn’t tighten it as much with his injured hand.

Josh didn’t like the situation he was in, but if he was going to get answers then he didn’t mind being tied to a chair.

Tyler sat in front of Josh and stared at the ground for what seemed like forever before finally looking up.

“You don’t remember your life, do you?”

Josh shook his head.

“Alright, let me tell you what happened to us then.”

“Us?”

Tyler nodded and leaned back in the chair. He was going to tell him everything. He deserves to know.

An hour passed with Tyler explaining things slowly every passing second.

“So, I wanted a cure for cancer, so I built a fake mafia, took the blame for your parents getting killed, did everything I can to bring your attention, only for it to not work out?”

Tyler nodded. He was fiddling nervously with his fingers.

“Then you left and the first time I saw you in six years, was the time you lost feelings and I felt really sad about that? Then I passed out and lost my memory?”

Tyler gave another nod.

Josh stared at Tyler, his body slightly aching from being held in a position so long. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Tyler signed. Of course that would be the first question he’d ask. “I never felt comfortable really, and I didn’t have time. Between surgery and me being an asshole, I never really had free time.”

“Does Jenna know?”

“Yeah, everyone that had been in that mafia does. But it’s been nine years, I wouldn’t be surprised if they forgot you.”

Josh looked down at the ropes. “So, I never changed? I simply just forgot-”

Josh’s eyes widened and he looked at Tyler in shock. “That’s who you were talking about! When you saw me and said you missed someone that doesn’t exist! That was me.” Josh’s voice slightly got quiet towards the end.

“Y-yeah. I didn’t really expect a surgeon. I was expecting a doctor or a pharmacist.”

Josh didn’t know how to feel or think. Jenna had lied when she said he’d changed, he simply forgot. “Tyler, I never really changed.”

Tyler shook his head. “Would you go back to that old persona?”

“No.”

“Then you have changed because you don’t have that mindset anymore. And put yourself in that person's shoes, wouldn’t you have gotten really mad with my attitude?”

Josh stayed silent. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react.

“Untie me. I won’t leave, promise.”

Tyler nodded and moved to pull the ropes off.

Josh instantly bought his hands to his head and closed his eyes.

“Josh-”

“You fucking kept that from me! You kept who I am and my past from me! How the fuck am I supposed to be content with all this information?”

Tyler slightly jumped back, but he stayed on the chair. “I didn’t get a chance, Josh.”

“I hung out with you twenty four seven the past month, cut the bullshit you had time-”

“When?”

“Earlier when I asked you why you’re the fucking worst person on earth to me.”

Tyler snorted. “You think it was a good idea to tell you when I was half dead and you were in a bad mood?”

Josh rolled his eyes. “My mood was going to be ruined either way, Joseph. You also lied to me when you said you didn’t know why you treated me like shit.”

“My name is Tyler. Tyler, T-Y-L-E-R. Got it?”

“I’ll call you whatever I want, _Taylor_.” Josh snapped, making Tyler’s eyes narrow.

“This is why Jenna and I agreed to not bring anything up, because look at you.”

Josh stopped for a second, but shook his head instantly. “It’s too much, Tyler. Imagine someone telling you that, you won’t take it lightly either.”

Tyler pulled Josh from the chair and sat him down on the couch. He sat next to him and wrapped his arms protectively around him.

Josh sighed quietly and buried his face into Tyler’s neck.

”That’s what has me so, I guess, tense around you. It just made me feel better knowing you won’t hurt me even if I got attitude.”

Josh sat up and moved slightly away from Tyler. “You need to stop that, I’m over that persona or whatever. I won’t hurt you in any way, but that doesn’t mean you take advantage of that because I will do something about it.”

Tyler hummed. Josh knew now so Tyler didn’t feel the need to be an asshole again. “I promise you, Joshua.”

Josh smiled slightly and curled against Tyler’s warm body again. 

“Josh, who are you? The person who would sacrifice important things for something they knew wouldn’t work and would cause a lot of people to be hurt? Are you the person who’d immediately go to violent things? Or are you the person who likes dreaming and always getting better?”

Josh stayed in his position. “I’m Joshua and I like the moon. And my best friend is Taylor.”

“Josh.”

“Okay, okay, my best friend is a brunette called Tyler, nothing else.”

Tyler looked down at him and gently scratched his head. Josh looked up.

“What are you gonna do now?”

“Be thankful that I lost my memory because I don’t wanna be that person. And I’m a bit upset neither you or Jen told me, but whatever.”

Tyler shook his head and traced Josh’s bottom lip with his thumb. “You changed before that, too. And I saw it, but my feelings were out the window so I didn’t really bother.”

Josh’s heart slightly sank and he looked down.

Tyler noticed and gently lifted his chin up. “Hey, that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try again. I think life wants us together by now since everything keeps coming back to us.”

Josh produced a small chuckle and rested his cheek on his shoulder. “Can we still go to the amusement park?”

Tyler looked down at him with a teasing grin. “Is Joshua’s inner child coming out?”

“Tyler, are you r-”

“I’m kidding, baby. But yeah, we’ll go if we promise to be careful because we’re already both hurt.” Tyler gestured to his abdomen and then to Josh’s hand.

Josh nodded and sat up, heart in his throat. “I promise to be careful and kiss you by the end of the night.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there are two chapters after this one, or maybe one.


	12. Promise Ring

After a lot of movies and emotional sex with Josh stopping every minute to make sure Tyler’s stitches are fine, they finally left to spend the night in the amusement park.

The drive wasn’t as long as Tyler expected. Josh was originally going to drive, but Tyler shoved him into the passenger seat and told him he won’t be doing anything with his injured hand.

Josh knowing Tyler was stubborn, didn’t argue.

They drove in Tyler’s laughter, Tyler making fun of Josh’s alien onesie while Josh was rolling his eyes into the back of his head.

“Stop, my alien is better than your fucking giraffe onesie.”

“No, you mean your alien will abduct the giraffe and other farm animals.” Tyler said his sentence between giggles, laughing louder when he managed to get all the words out.

Josh groaned. “Tyler, you know I’m in love with the sound of your laughter, but for the sake of your damn giraffe and it’s farm friends, shut up.”

Josh paused. “Wait, a giraffe isn’t a farm animal, though.”

Tyler stopped laughing. “Oh shit, you’re right.”

It was Josh’s turn to laugh. Tyler pouted.

“You fucking thought a giraffe is a farm animal, holy shit.” Josh was almost at the point of wheezing.

Tyler kept the pout on his lips and focused on the road instead.

Josh ended up sleeping after laughing for a few minutes. His head was against the window, and his hands were in his lap.

Tyler smiled and drove extra carefully now that Josh was asleep and he didn’t want to disturb him until they arrive.

“Josh.”

Josh didn’t stir.

Tyler unbuckled both their seatbelts and gently shook Josh’s shoulder. “Joshie.”

Josh stirred slightly. “Mhm?”

“We’re here.”

“Where?” He answered groggily, his right hand flying to rub his eyes.

Tyler chuckled. “Babe. We’re here to go on roller coasters and for you to win me giant teddy bears, as well as buy me cotton candy.”

Josh smiled lazily and opened the door. “You’ve already won my heart, what’s the need for winning teddy bears?”

Tyler giggled with a small blush coating his cheeks. “Let’s go, and hopefully no one else makes fun of your alien onesie.”

“I’m gonna push you off the top of the Ferris wheel.”

“Oh, kinky.”

Josh turned around to look at Tyler but he was already mumbling apologies out.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“You’re lucky I’m cute.”

“Ty-”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll stop.”

Tyler pulled their bag out and closed the door and locked the car before slipping his keys inside.

It was Josh’s idea to have a small backpack to keep their phones and other important things. Tyler thought it was smart and felt stupid for not coming up with it. 

“I’ll carry th-”

“Like hell you are. Give me it.”

Tyler cocked his head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll carry it on my shoulder-”

“You’re not carrying anything besides a cute smile.”

Josh grabbed the bag and wore it on his shoulders before grabbing Tyler’s hand and tugging him along.

“Why not-oh, I forgot about my stitches. Either way it shouldn’t matter, it’s not heavy.”

“I’m gonna carry it. It’s okay, baby.”

They walked to the main entrance smiling to themselves. Josh didn’t like rides, but he liked Tyler so he was going to do everything to see him smile.

They got through and almost immediately Tyler turned around. “Okay! Let’s go to the water ride over there.”

“We just got here.”

“And?”

Josh stared blankly at Tyler. “Can we walk around and see where everything is then go on rides?”

“Fine. I want a garlic pretzel, though.”

“I don’t think that’s good for your stoma-”

“I want a slushie, too.”

Josh sighed. “One by one. I’ll buy you a pretzel then we’ll get the slushees later, alright? We can’t give you too much junk food at once.”

Tyler grinned happily at him and threw his arms around him in a hug. “You’re the best, Joshie. You’re so caring, I like you, even with that alien onesie.”

Josh laughed and kissed Tyler’s head. “Let’s go, before you fall into a fit of laughter again.”

Tyler blushed with a small giggle.

They spent at least two hours walking around, watching everything, from kids being chased by actors dressed in scary costumes, to hearing people’s screams from rides.

Josh already bought Tyler flowers and a small stuffed giraffe.

Tyler was glowing, clinging to Josh’s arms and glaring at anyone who stared at Josh for too long.

He still had his plan to give Josh the ring. Tyler was going to wait until the end of the night when they’re at the Ferris wheel just to make it more special.

“Look how cute. Can you believeeeeee how cute this is?” Tyler was cooing at the tiny stuffed animal in the palm of his hand.

Josh smiled softly at him. “That’s why I bought it, sweetheart.”

“Take a picture of it, baby!”

Josh nodded and pulled the backpack off his shoulders to grab Tyler’s phone.

He knew Tyler wanted a picture of the toy, but he couldn’t help but include him smiling big at the giraffe. Especially since he was wearing a onesie of the animal himself.

“Did you get it?”

“Yeah. We’ll look at pictures later when we’re back.” Josh slipped the phone inside and zipped the bag before flinging it over his shoulders again.

“Let’s go to the water ride now!”

Josh nodded and laced his fingers with Tyler’s. “Hopefully you won’t end up fighting someone for accidentally touching me.”

Tyler laughed breathlessly. “I probably will. You’re mine, only I can eye you for longer than five seconds. And only I will touch you.”

Josh shrugged. “I’m cool with that.”

“I’m kidding, but like, I’m not.” Tyler explained, squeezing Josh’s hand gently.

“Yeah, gotcha.” Josh smiled, looking at the ride as it came into view.

“I’m gonna get you wet.”

Tyler rolled his eyes. “Ha ha, Josh. Very funny.”

“No, I mean literally.”

Tyler gave him a playful wink. “I don’t mind either one.”

~

They’ve gone through every ride twice thanks to their speed passes to help them skip waiting in lines.

Tyler chose a place for them to eat and decided it was his time to spoil Josh since Josh was spoiling him earlier.

They finished eating half an hour ago and now Josh was happily eating an ice cream sundae that him and Tyler were sharing.

Josh licked his spoon clean and stared at Tyler who was eyeing him for five minutes straight.

“What?”

“I can’t believe I have you happily after nine years of complete confusion and lost feelings.” Tyler blurted out, his hand moving to rest on top of Josh’s.

Josh’s face slowly stretched into a smile. “Although I don’t remember, you really seem shocked about it, so I’m gonna share your excitement for how important it is.”

Tyler looked down at their hands. “This is why I’m gonna keep you. You’re so supportive and respectful.”

Josh’s cheeks flushed slightly. “I’m gonna keep you, too. Now eat the ice cream before it melts so we can go on the Ferris wheel then head home and cuddle while watching comedy movies.”

Tyler’s heart slightly jumped. He needed to give him the ring soon.

He finally tore his eyes from Josh and looked down at the sundae.

It took them another half an hour to finally be seated in the Ferris wheel. Josh was excitedly looking out at the city lights and the park below them.

Tyler couldn’t find him any prettier. He slipped his hand behind him and pulled the golden ring out. He closed his fingers around it.

Josh was still looking at the side.

The wheel stopped moving and that’s when Josh turned to look at Tyler. “Come on, make this moment cliche and dramatic.”

Tyler’s face split in half with a bright smile. “Oh, I actually have something that I’ve been planning for this moment to make it special.”

Josh cocked his head. “Really? What is it?”

Tyler took a shaky breath. He took Josh’s hand and gave him a loving smile.

“I’ve never planned for us to end up alive together when I first came to you. I was in it out of pure anger and strong sad feelings. I thought we could be fucked together, I never thought I’d be able to settle with you normally and happily.”

Josh watched Tyler curiously, his lips slightly parted.

Tyler rubbed his thumb across Josh’s knuckles and glanced down before up on him again. “When you first left, I thought it’d be the awkward relationship where you’d text me about how much you changed and all that bullshit. I didn’t expect to not hear from you for six years. I thought when I’d finally find you, I’d jump in your arms and everything will be okay. That’s obviously what not had happened.” Tyler chuckled slightly at the end, making Josh cock an eyebrow.

“When I was with Jenna and I heard that you’d lost your memory, I was so happy. I felt like I’d finally be free from this.” Tyler looked down at their hands again.

“I felt relieved, but when I saw you that day of my surgery, everything came back to me. I kept telling myself that I could stay with you, you’ve changed and I won’t have to worry about anything, but then I started realizing that I fell in love with the Josh that I knew nine years ago and I kept telling myself this was better. This version is better, but I couldn’t keep lying to myself or you. I guess that’s why I got mean with you. I felt as if you’re replacing him, which you are, but in a good way. Because like you said, you didn’t change that much, you simply forgot.”

Tyler forced himself to look at Josh again. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever had. You changed my life in different, fucked up ways and I couldn’t be more grateful. Because after going through all of that, I finally know what I want and what to do with my life.”

Tyler opened his fingers and exposed the ring. Josh’s eyes looked back and forth between his palm and eyes.

“I wanted you, Josh. Since the beginning. I didn’t care how much I hated you, a piece of me wanted to be the person to dramatically change you. And I guess I somehow managed to successfully do that.”

Tyler took the ring between his fingers and held it up for Josh to see. “I got this customized.”

Josh looked at the ring. He looked at the words ‘fixed and changed’ engraved cursively around.

Tyler laughed quietly. “I don’t really need to explain why I chose these words.”

Josh’s lips parted slightly more and he blinked rapidly at Tyler. “O-oh.” He breathed, reading the ring over and over again.

Tyler smiled adoringly at him and slipped the ring onto his left ring finger carefully to not move his fingers, considering they were still healing and it was his left hand which was injured. “I wish this was me proposing and that was actually a wedding ring, but I don’t think we’re ready for that yet, which is why I’m giving you this as a promise that I’m gonna marry you one day.”

Josh’s finger felt heavy and so did his heart. He guessed his tears were heavier considering they were the first to slip out.

Josh leaned against Tyler’s body and quietly cried in his chest because he didn’t know what else to do or how else to react.

“Fuck, I didn’t mean this cliche,” Josh finally said, wiping his eyes with his sleeves.

Tyler laughed and cupped Josh’s jaw. “I poured my heart out and this is what you say?” He teased, thumb gently grazing his cheekbone.

“I’d say something, but I really don’t think it’ll be enough. If only I knew how to speak heart, I would’ve been running my mouth.”

Josh leaned forward again and rested their foreheads together. “You keep your promise of marrying me, and I’ll keep my promise of keeping you together.”

Josh brushed their lips together and wrapped his arms around Tyler’s neck. “I’ll also keep my promise of kissing you by the end of the night.”

Josh pushed their lips together, and Tyler instantly melted against him.

Josh kissed him until there was no oxygen available between them. Tyler pulled away and kept his hand in Josh’s. “I know making you wear a ring on a broken finger isn’t smart, but, ya know. You gotta do what you gotta do.”

Josh laughed and gently took the ring off to inspect it further. “Do you have our initials on the inside on purpose?”

Tyler playfully rolled his eyes. “No, they just causally make rings with our initials.”

Josh laughed and carefully slipped it back on. It wasn’t a smart idea, but he didn’t care at this point.

“Oh, the wheel is moving again.”

“Just in time.”

Josh smiled and leaned over to steal another kiss.

They got off the Ferris wheel and walked hand in hand, this time, Tyler kissing Josh whenever someone looked at him for too long.

Josh still didn’t mind. “We’re official now, right?”

Tyler stared at him with disbelief. “I just gave you my heart and a promise ring and you’re asking if we’re official?”

Josh giggled. “I’m kidding, I’m trying to reference this post I saw on tumblr.”

“Of course,” Tyler chuckled, pulling his phone out. He went to Jenna’s contact name and clicked to FaceTime her.

Josh was confused. “Why are you calling her?”

“I think you and I can both agree that she deserves to be the first to know after all the shit she’s been through with us.”

Josh was nodding instantly. “Shit, you’re right. The girl was with me the whole time I was becoming a surgeon. Supported me like crazy.”

Tyler smiled as Jenna’s face popped up. She yawned and waved at the two boys. “Hey, it’s late, why are you guys calling? Is something wrong?”

Tyler figured she was just sleeping and woke up since she still hasn’t realized they’re together and not fighting. “Josh and I are official. I gave him a promise ring.”

That’s when Jenna’s eyes widened. “Oh my god! What the hell happened? Last time I checked, Tyler was out of your life. How did you guys find each other let alone be official? Can someone please explain-oh! That’s why you asked about Josh’s ring size! Fuck, how did I not see it coming?”

Both boys laughed at Jenna’s mini freak out. Josh was first to talk. “Know what? We’ll go out for late night food. We’ll pick you up and tell you everything.”

Jenna was nodding on the screen. “Okay, yeah. Sounds like a plan. I’ll be ready with my camera to record everything.”

Tyler laughed at her joke and bid her goodbye before hanging up.

He looked at Josh. “I’m ready to relive our memories.”

Josh rested his head on his shoulder. “I’m ready to live with you.”

Tyler grinned and slightly tilted his head to kiss Josh’s head. “You are home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the last chapter. Start yelling at me in the comments.


End file.
